Should I tell him?


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  • #794080 Reply
    Ellen

    Hello.

    Me and my bf are in a fairly new relationship of half a year. I’m having family issues and don’t see it improving anytime soon. I’ve unloaded family issues onto my bf three times before. He’s been neutral and didn’t really get involved, just listened and distracted me with something.

    I find myself wanting to tell him about my bad day/ rant but I’m afraid all this drama will drag him down or even drive him away. It’s completwly not his problem. In this case should I take a break/ ask for some space so that I don’t cry suddenly on the phone and do that word vomit thing. I don’t want to lose him in case he thinks my family is mental. Any advice would be great, thanks!

    #794083 Reply
    Lane

    Why kind of family problems are you dealing with?

    The problem with ranting to a man is that men are problem solvers, and it they can’t fix, solve or find a solution then they will become resentful being put in a no-win situation. A man will listen, and try to help any way he can, initially, which is why he tries to get your mind off of it but eventually he will get sick and tired of hearing it.

    It’s not your BF’s responsibility to deal with your family problems. Either fix or solve them yourself, or disconnect from them if they are unsolvable.

    #794085 Reply
    Ellen

    My dad is being verbally nasty to my mum and has been going on for quite sometime now. It’s a complicated situation and I’m trying to be mentally strong for everyone in the family. I just need someone to unload sometimes, don’t need him to solve anything. I totally understand and I don’t want to burden him with anything. I don’t want to break up or anything but I’m going through a tough time rn, what should I do?

    #794094 Reply
    Raven

    Confront your father…

    #794097 Reply
    T from NY

    Listen to your intuition. It is not your boyfriends job to talk you through situations or unload on – on continual basis. Although it’s certainly finr to speak candidly about some personal issues once you’ve reached that level of intimacy — it’s an unhealthy dynamic in any relationship for one person to become the other’s counselor. Get a therapist you can meet with weekly. There are loads of them doing teletherapy since the pandemic started.

    #794100 Reply
    Tallspicy

    How about asking him how much he can handle and your concern? He will tell you. And it is the adult thing to do, as is your well intention of keeping him out of it.

    And your dad is not going to change and your mom accepts it. So how about staying out of their drama? Maybe getting therapy?That sounds like a better plan. You are mentally strong for the family? Please read up on codependency. Everyone in your family is just fine without your saving.

    #794102 Reply
    Newbie

    Really its not your job to be mentally strong for the whole family. Your parents are adults and have a dynamic. If its nasty, you can tell your dad that. But if none wants to work on it, what can you do? When i was your age, i had to deal with an alcoholic mum. That was always on my mind until i realized i had to distance myself from them.
    If your bf is good to you, then its pretty dumb to distance yourself from him. At that moment you chose to stay in the chaotic family drama. If you chose to keep him close and distance from your family you give yourself a change to find out what normal feels like. Good luck

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