This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Mouk 3 weeks, 4 days ago.
April 26, 2018 at 12:30 pm #699102
One of my ex colleague at work sent me a text (we weren’t in contact, not connected at all on social medias). I left this jobplace (and the country) almost a year ago, and this guy was after me during my whole stay. I thought at the beginning we could be friends (I was new in the city) and we went out once before I realized he was a bit pushy (wanting to include himself in ALL my plans, offering to go hiking together and share a tent (!)… we barely knew each other and I wanted to do the hikes I mentioned to him alone, it wasn’t an invitation ) so I took a huge stepback and never saw him again after work. He has stayed very nice and friendly with me, always asking me how I was, how I felt, what were my plans… I didn’t know what to do to keep some distance and I ended up with a very cold attitude towards him. Whenever he talked to me, I was always complaining, in a bad mood, didn’t ask him anything about himself… Quite rude I know :( But it didn’t stop him ! Soon I learnt by another colleague that he actually “forgot” to mention an ex-wife, kids, and a current girlfriend living far away (and he had had so many occasions to tell me !). I got really pissed off and as he was still after me despite my coldness, I concluded he just wanted to sleep with me and I cut him off completely.
I left a short while after without saying goodbye, a few months passed by, and here is he. He found a way to contact me through mutual acquaintances, and he’s asking how I am, as friendly and nice as he used to be.
I don’t know what to do. My first thought was to ignore him but I don’t want to be impolite. I don’t know how to find the right balance between my self boundaries and not being rude with man. I don’t have a lot of respect for him considering his behavior but I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not.
What would you do ?
April 26, 2018 at 12:56 pm #699107
In your post you are communicating mixed messages. Do you think you are doing the same with him? First you say you were rude to him to make him leave you alone and now you say you don’t want to be rude to him. There seems to be a lot of drama over nothing. What is it that you want? Figure out what you want and then tell him. If that includes cutting ties and he still disrespects that boundary block him simple as that.April 26, 2018 at 12:58 pm #699109
No, don’t reply.
You don’t want to be impolite to this creep, Why …?April 26, 2018 at 1:26 pm #699111
Don’t reply to him at all.April 26, 2018 at 1:29 pm #699112
Thanks both of you.
I know it sounds a bit confusing, and I’m a bit confused too about what to do, but you’re right about the mixed messages, and I don’t want any drama.
The thing is I didn’t felt safe in that workplace (that’s why I left), and my anxiety in those times didn’t help me to handle the situation with this guy properly. I don’t feel like I’ve acted as an adult by being cold and rude with him to keep him at distance, and I’m not proud of that. I should’ve done it in another way, being more direct and clear, ask him to leave me alone, tell him I knew about his lies concerning his family and his girlfriend.
That is where I don’t know if I was overreacting or not. I was under a lot of pressure and stress, I didn’t felt safe… And I ended up running away.
I’m asking myself if I reply politely or not because I’m a different place now, and I would like to react properly. It may sound like a dumb question but I’m really working on self respect and boundaries and I’m still learning about it, that’s why I need your advices !April 26, 2018 at 5:51 pm #699159
This is not complicated. Of course you shouldnt reply. I dont even understand why you are even considering it. Be glad he is out of your lifeApril 26, 2018 at 6:09 pm #699168
You are worried about being rude to a liar, a cheat and someone who walks over boundaries?
Why? You should really ask yourself chica.April 26, 2018 at 6:15 pm #699170
Just ignore it!!!
There really is no legitimate reason to communicate with this guy, so avoid and let “popcorn man” go find someone to lie and cheat with! Those are the only boundaries you need to have with this one!April 26, 2018 at 9:39 pm #699213
You don’t OWE EVERYONE POLITENESS!!!
Polite is for people we barely know so as to not cross their boundaries — polite is NOT For people who cross our boundaries.