Should I Pay for Travel Expenses When He Makes Less?


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This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Phillygirl 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #603163 Reply

    JJ

    My boyfriend makes only $50 a week and uses that money for his bills.

    We are going to a concert in two weeks. I paid $300 for our tickets. I feel awful to ask him to contribute for expenses (gas, hotel, food, etc) but do not like the idea of paying for everything. We will be going to another concert in the fall and I have also bought the tickets for the both of us. I have no idea what to do. Do I ask him to pay for things or not?

    #603164 Reply

    Crisula

    $50???
    is he a panhandler???

    #603166 Reply

    JJ

    No, he works in Mexico and the pay is very low for the amount of work he does. So, when he exchanges to US dollars, he gets even less money.

    #603170 Reply

    Linda

    Is it that important to continue going to concerts that the two of you can’t easily afford? And how does your boyfriend feel about you being the one who keeps paying? Some men don’t like that. Be sure you are not offending him and be sure he isn’t letting you pay all the time without contributing. Don’t let him take advantage of you either.

    #603172 Reply

    Crisula

    JJ
    It would be futile to ask him to pay when he doesn’t have any money

    However,the resentment is building up inside of you because you feel you may be e is taking advantage …not saying he is…but I think any woman or guy would feel that way

    But, was he making this minuscule amount of pay when you started dating?

    #603174 Reply

    JJ

    Linda, thanks for the response.

    We have never taken a trip or gone to a concert together. This is the first time and it WILL NOT happen often I know for sure, they just happen to be our favorite bands and coincidentally are touring the same year.

    He feels awful that I pay for things but he and I both know he can’t change his situation right now. He is in the process to obtain a worker’s visa but the process is very lengthy and expensive.

    Should I at least ask him to save as much as he can for the trip? Or, not even bother?

    #603176 Reply

    JJ

    Crisula,

    Yes, I feel some resentment but I feel like it’s misguided because he is not taking advantage of me. He just cannot change his situation currently as I stated in my reply to Linda.

    I had no idea the amount of pay Mexican workers got (60 hours a week for $50) until after we started dating for months because I believe it would have been rude of me to ask, “How much do you earn?”

    #603177 Reply

    redcurleysue

    I am sorry JJ but you and he should not be doing things he cannot afford.

    I am sorry he does not have better options, I am sorry your two bands are in concert and you cannot afford to see them, I am sorry about everything…but you two can only afford what you can afford. Food comes first.

    Do not make plans with no money….be sensible.

    Sorry to rain on your parade.

    #603178 Reply

    Linda

    Yes, I don’t see why not. If he feels badly then asking to save up and pay for other stuff will make him feel like he contributed as well and then you won’t recent having to pay for everything and he won’t recent not being able to contribute.

    #603179 Reply

    JJ

    Redcurleysue,

    No need to be sorry. I actually can afford everything. It just stinks that I have to because how his situation is.

    But I should stop whining and if I want to travel, then I’ll either travel alone or suck it up and pay if I really want to go.

    #603180 Reply

    JJ

    Thank you Linda,

    I will do that and accept anything he can contribute and be grateful for it.

    #603183 Reply

    Linda

    You are welcome but also just be mindful that not just because you can afford everything that you should always be paying for everything. Again don’t let him take advantage and even if he isn’t just keep in mind that if you keep paying for everything he may feel emasculated and he could recent you for that. I’m sure there are so many things the two of you can do that don’t involve spending a lot. Let him suggest something and enjoy your time together. He will appreciate you a lot more for that I’m sure if he genuinely cares for you.

    #603185 Reply

    Algo

    I think that you either see a Future with this man and then you trust that he will work until he has a better life and van pay for things himself. I know it’s hard though, being an immigrant is crazy difficult and the current political climate isn’t helping. But then you’ll have to pay for luxuries such as concerts (and all their expensive) and other trips for now.

    Who came up with the idea to go? Was it you? Then you definitely pay for everything.

    We always Tell women on this forum when the men want to split the costs but choose establishments that are too expensive for them, that it’s the job of the big earner to either pay for everything, or should choose something both partners can afford. Same goes here.

    Look, I’m assuming that if finding out that he makes $200 per month didn’t scare you away from being with him, it means you see a Future with this man. It means you trust he’s not taking advantage and that you have confidence that he (with some luck because as an immigrant you don’t hold your future completely in yourown hands, it’s not just ‘work hard and wou will be rewarded’) Will eventually be able to work for a normal pay and will be able to support himself. This means that in the meander, you have heard him Tell you how much he makes and you’ve accepted it because you are still with him. This implied that of you want to do sth fun with him, in the meantime, you pay for it. Simple as. If he’s not the one initiating expensive dates of course. If he’s the one asking to do all these things but hasn’t got the money, he’s playing you and maybe not the guy for you.

    But if he’s honest and you know you have a relationship worthy of going through hard times until he can provide for himself, you stick with him until he can afford these things himself. Until then you either stay home or pay but don’t resent him because you’re choosing to stay with him knowing he has no money at all. Right now it’s take it or leave it but resenting him for this will only tuin the relationship you have.

    #603187 Reply

    Crisula

    Algo is spot on

    #603245 Reply

    L

    How did you meet mr. Money bag? He has enough money for internet and dating apps?

    #603247 Reply

    Ginger

    200 a month? How does he afford a car, rent, food, etc? Something sounds really off and why are you converting it to US dollars? I think he is using you.

    I would want to see a break down of how he lives on 200 a month. That doesn’t even make sense and I think he is lying to you.

    #603255 Reply

    Linda

    Ginger, hi lives in Mexico

    #603258 Reply

    Ginger

    My point is how did she meet him. She obviously lives in the us.

    I would tread with caution because he may never get a work visa. So if she is worried now about footing the bill, nothing may ever change,

    #603267 Reply

    Peppy

    Ginger-you seem to be such a “negative Nancy”!

    #603268 Reply

    Linda

    Ginger that thought crossed my mind as well. I don’t know if anyone is familiar with a show called “my 30 day fiancĂ©” I don’t know if this is the same scenario but I also do know of a couple of families who have relocated to Mexico and other countries in Central America. They are American born and raised and their children end up dating and marrying people in those countries and then coming back to the U.S.

    #603270 Reply

    Ginger

    Peppy.. go hang with your unattractive bf.

    I am a realist. And this doesn’t sound right to me, I have seen a lot of women on here desperate for love. And willing to pay for it and sacrifice their own needs. So yeah,, call me skeptical or mean, etc.. but the fact is, the OP doesn’t even feel good about this and she is the one actually involved, that speaks volumes.

    #603288 Reply

    Newbie

    Lol you guys. She can work in Mexico as well you know on an USA salary. It may sound weird but it does happen that sone want to work on the other side of the wall

    #603289 Reply

    Newbie

    But that aside such huge difference in income can for sure make a relationship impossible but i assume op is aware of that

    #603296 Reply

    Algo

    Can we not Tell each other to kill ourselves over an argument about someone else’s love life? That’s really inappropriate and not at all in line with what the idea of this forum is.

    Also, they could live very close to the border.

    But can we please keep it civil, everyone? No need to get our panties in a twist. We’re supposed to be helping each other, not call each other names.

    #603305 Reply

    Hannah

    I would rather live in a crap hole with a good man I adored than in a mansion with an arsehole. Even if you start off with someone who makes money, who knows if they will still be in 5, 10 or 20 years?

    Men do find thus awkward though. My husband wasn’t earning much for a while and it really affected him, especially me paying for thing he normally would.

    I think you’ll have to pay for the tickets. There’s no way he can afford them. If he feels uncomfortable or you do, you could suggest they could be a birthday gift? The concerts don’t need to be around the time of his birthday as long as he knows they’re his gift. That way you may both feel better about you paying?

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