This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Phillygirl 1 year, 2 months ago.
February 17, 2017 at 1:13 am #603163
My boyfriend makes only $50 a week and uses that money for his bills.
We are going to a concert in two weeks. I paid $300 for our tickets. I feel awful to ask him to contribute for expenses (gas, hotel, food, etc) but do not like the idea of paying for everything. We will be going to another concert in the fall and I have also bought the tickets for the both of us. I have no idea what to do. Do I ask him to pay for things or not?
February 17, 2017 at 1:15 am #603164
is he a panhandler???February 17, 2017 at 1:18 am #603166
No, he works in Mexico and the pay is very low for the amount of work he does. So, when he exchanges to US dollars, he gets even less money.February 17, 2017 at 1:34 am #603170
Is it that important to continue going to concerts that the two of you can’t easily afford? And how does your boyfriend feel about you being the one who keeps paying? Some men don’t like that. Be sure you are not offending him and be sure he isn’t letting you pay all the time without contributing. Don’t let him take advantage of you either.February 17, 2017 at 1:36 am #603172
It would be futile to ask him to pay when he doesn’t have any money
However,the resentment is building up inside of you because you feel you may be e is taking advantage …not saying he is…but I think any woman or guy would feel that way
But, was he making this minuscule amount of pay when you started dating?February 17, 2017 at 1:44 am #603174
Linda, thanks for the response.
We have never taken a trip or gone to a concert together. This is the first time and it WILL NOT happen often I know for sure, they just happen to be our favorite bands and coincidentally are touring the same year.
He feels awful that I pay for things but he and I both know he can’t change his situation right now. He is in the process to obtain a worker’s visa but the process is very lengthy and expensive.
Should I at least ask him to save as much as he can for the trip? Or, not even bother?February 17, 2017 at 1:48 am #603176
Yes, I feel some resentment but I feel like it’s misguided because he is not taking advantage of me. He just cannot change his situation currently as I stated in my reply to Linda.
I had no idea the amount of pay Mexican workers got (60 hours a week for $50) until after we started dating for months because I believe it would have been rude of me to ask, “How much do you earn?”February 17, 2017 at 1:49 am #603177
I am sorry JJ but you and he should not be doing things he cannot afford.
I am sorry he does not have better options, I am sorry your two bands are in concert and you cannot afford to see them, I am sorry about everything…but you two can only afford what you can afford. Food comes first.
Do not make plans with no money….be sensible.
Sorry to rain on your parade.February 17, 2017 at 1:53 am #603178
Yes, I don’t see why not. If he feels badly then asking to save up and pay for other stuff will make him feel like he contributed as well and then you won’t recent having to pay for everything and he won’t recent not being able to contribute.February 17, 2017 at 1:54 am #603179
No need to be sorry. I actually can afford everything. It just stinks that I have to because how his situation is.
But I should stop whining and if I want to travel, then I’ll either travel alone or suck it up and pay if I really want to go.February 17, 2017 at 1:55 am #603180
Thank you Linda,
I will do that and accept anything he can contribute and be grateful for it.February 17, 2017 at 2:03 am #603183
You are welcome but also just be mindful that not just because you can afford everything that you should always be paying for everything. Again don’t let him take advantage and even if he isn’t just keep in mind that if you keep paying for everything he may feel emasculated and he could recent you for that. I’m sure there are so many things the two of you can do that don’t involve spending a lot. Let him suggest something and enjoy your time together. He will appreciate you a lot more for that I’m sure if he genuinely cares for you.February 17, 2017 at 2:08 am #603185
I think that you either see a Future with this man and then you trust that he will work until he has a better life and van pay for things himself. I know it’s hard though, being an immigrant is crazy difficult and the current political climate isn’t helping. But then you’ll have to pay for luxuries such as concerts (and all their expensive) and other trips for now.
Who came up with the idea to go? Was it you? Then you definitely pay for everything.
We always Tell women on this forum when the men want to split the costs but choose establishments that are too expensive for them, that it’s the job of the big earner to either pay for everything, or should choose something both partners can afford. Same goes here.
Look, I’m assuming that if finding out that he makes $200 per month didn’t scare you away from being with him, it means you see a Future with this man. It means you trust he’s not taking advantage and that you have confidence that he (with some luck because as an immigrant you don’t hold your future completely in yourown hands, it’s not just ‘work hard and wou will be rewarded’) Will eventually be able to work for a normal pay and will be able to support himself. This means that in the meander, you have heard him Tell you how much he makes and you’ve accepted it because you are still with him. This implied that of you want to do sth fun with him, in the meantime, you pay for it. Simple as. If he’s not the one initiating expensive dates of course. If he’s the one asking to do all these things but hasn’t got the money, he’s playing you and maybe not the guy for you.
But if he’s honest and you know you have a relationship worthy of going through hard times until he can provide for himself, you stick with him until he can afford these things himself. Until then you either stay home or pay but don’t resent him because you’re choosing to stay with him knowing he has no money at all. Right now it’s take it or leave it but resenting him for this will only tuin the relationship you have.February 17, 2017 at 2:18 am #603187
Algo is spot onFebruary 17, 2017 at 9:42 am #603245
How did you meet mr. Money bag? He has enough money for internet and dating apps?February 17, 2017 at 9:45 am #603247
200 a month? How does he afford a car, rent, food, etc? Something sounds really off and why are you converting it to US dollars? I think he is using you.
I would want to see a break down of how he lives on 200 a month. That doesn’t even make sense and I think he is lying to you.February 17, 2017 at 10:06 am #603255
Ginger, hi lives in MexicoFebruary 17, 2017 at 10:17 am #603258
My point is how did she meet him. She obviously lives in the us.
I would tread with caution because he may never get a work visa. So if she is worried now about footing the bill, nothing may ever change,February 17, 2017 at 10:30 am #603267
Ginger-you seem to be such a “negative Nancy”!February 17, 2017 at 10:31 am #603268
Ginger that thought crossed my mind as well. I don’t know if anyone is familiar with a show called “my 30 day fiancé” I don’t know if this is the same scenario but I also do know of a couple of families who have relocated to Mexico and other countries in Central America. They are American born and raised and their children end up dating and marrying people in those countries and then coming back to the U.S.February 17, 2017 at 10:35 am #603270
Peppy.. go hang with your unattractive bf.
I am a realist. And this doesn’t sound right to me, I have seen a lot of women on here desperate for love. And willing to pay for it and sacrifice their own needs. So yeah,, call me skeptical or mean, etc.. but the fact is, the OP doesn’t even feel good about this and she is the one actually involved, that speaks volumes.February 17, 2017 at 11:28 am #603288
Lol you guys. She can work in Mexico as well you know on an USA salary. It may sound weird but it does happen that sone want to work on the other side of the wallFebruary 17, 2017 at 11:32 am #603289
But that aside such huge difference in income can for sure make a relationship impossible but i assume op is aware of thatFebruary 17, 2017 at 11:54 am #603296
Can we not Tell each other to kill ourselves over an argument about someone else’s love life? That’s really inappropriate and not at all in line with what the idea of this forum is.
Also, they could live very close to the border.
But can we please keep it civil, everyone? No need to get our panties in a twist. We’re supposed to be helping each other, not call each other names.February 17, 2017 at 12:18 pm #603305
I would rather live in a crap hole with a good man I adored than in a mansion with an arsehole. Even if you start off with someone who makes money, who knows if they will still be in 5, 10 or 20 years?
Men do find thus awkward though. My husband wasn’t earning much for a while and it really affected him, especially me paying for thing he normally would.
I think you’ll have to pay for the tickets. There’s no way he can afford them. If he feels uncomfortable or you do, you could suggest they could be a birthday gift? The concerts don’t need to be around the time of his birthday as long as he knows they’re his gift. That way you may both feel better about you paying?