This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 6 days, 14 hours ago.
January 11, 2018 at 3:18 pm #678349
I went on two very good dates with a guy I met online. Both dates were in public places. For the third one he invited me home to sit and smoke hash as we both do it occasionally. I did not want to go to his home this early on so I told him. He then said that he was not inviting me home to hook up or something. We could sleep in separate rooms or I could go back. However, I still did not feel fine about it and tried ending it with him.
He however wanted to continue seeing me. He asked me what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for a committed and meaningful relationship. He told me he somewhat wants the same. He later said he doesn’t have the space in his life for a committed relationship, he would rather prefer getting along dating relationship and see where it goes.
I am 22 and he is 25. Do you think what he said basically means that he isn’t looking for a committed relationship? Should I go for it? I don’t want to be with somebody for a few months and years on trial basis and then be dumped. If the ultimate goal is to find somebody to marry then it’s ok. But I don’t want to be with someone to have fun. What should I do? Should I tell him I am not interested in his proposal as he is basically asking for a casual relationship and I am not into casual? What do you say?January 11, 2018 at 3:26 pm #678354
Well-he IS offering casual. If that is not your goal,then this guy is not for you.January 11, 2018 at 3:30 pm #678357
He isn’t on the same page as you. The answer is NO do not give him a chance.
And for that matter anyone else who isn’t looking for a serious commitment.
Don’t settle for less than what you want PERIOD.January 11, 2018 at 3:32 pm #678358
Thanks for your reply Peggy. I was sort of confused as to whether it was actually casual or not what he was offering. Thanks for clearing that out.January 11, 2018 at 3:32 pm #678359
You sound like a girl who has it together. You want something long term with a potential for a marriage, a normal and sensitive thing to want for a young woman who wants to have kids well in advance of her retirement (pardon my sarcasm here).
This guy at 25 sounds like a teenager at 15.
My advice would be to walk away. You would get emotionally hooked and then waste your time on trying to work out something decent with him while he’d be pulling oyur teeth one by one for something very basic, like a normal date, an advance notice, etc.
If you see things that do not match what you want, do not TRY to fix them or “give them chances”. Men wouldn’t, they are smart, they know ti is much smarter to walk away and find someone else. After only 2 dates it is very easy to do. If you drag it, it will be much harder and potentially more hurtful.January 11, 2018 at 3:33 pm #678360
Khadija, thanks for your reply. I understand. He is not dating to find a partner for life whereas I am hence I should say no to him.January 11, 2018 at 3:37 pm #678362
Emma, your advice is great here. I do want to date to find a partner who I could potentially settle with in a few years. I have my career plans in place as well. And I have a good and full life otherwise as well.
You sound right. He just wants to date and fool around as of now. Why should I go along with it when I don’t want it.January 11, 2018 at 4:01 pm #678373
I am so excited to see a woman of your age who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to tell a guy that!! 3 Cheers for you!! Too many women would accept the home date, end up having sex and then when he said he doesn’t have room for a committed relationship in his life but wanted to continue to see them they would have continued hoping to change his mind. It wouldn’t have. Too many women get caught up in the “let’s just see where this goes’ mentality. Your goal is to find a life long partner so don’t let these kinds of guys waste your time. And tell him exactly that…you aren’t interested in his proposal to just have fun in a casual relationship, you want more. Much easier to walk away after a few dates than get emotionally attached seeing where it goes.January 12, 2018 at 10:37 pm #678576
Going to a guy’s house to get high on the third date is opening the door to getting raped. VERY glad you declined.
Most men are very honest about what they want. He was clear that he does not want to be in a LT relationship right now and he’s not a match for you, so you did well to walk away. The problem comes when it isn’t what the woman wants to hear and she sticks around thinking she can change his mind. Rarely happens.January 13, 2018 at 12:28 am #678587
As everyone has said, walking away is the right choice. To anyone with experience it is very obvious this guy is proposing a strictly casual relationship.January 13, 2018 at 1:55 am #678593