Should I Delete Him Off Facebook?


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This topic contains 38 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  ANM Staff 4 years, 1 month ago.

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  • #444436 Reply

    MD

    Hi,
    So my romantic interest has been MIA for two weeks. This isn’t the first and I don’t think it’ll be the last. The sh*t thing is we’re friends, have been for over a year, and weren’t exclusive so he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’ve kept my options open so I should imagine he did too, but I find it slightly disrespectful, even as a friend, for him to have gone MIA. He knows I have feelings and he clearly hasn’t respected them like you’d expect a friend to do.

    I’d love for him to turn around and be different, but I don’t think he will, especially while I’m pining for him, despite talking and dating other men. Although I’d like him to turn around, I won’t be deleting him as a ploy to get him to turn around. It’ll be because I can’t be bothered with this anymore. I don’t want any additional drama though or to look unreasonable. Delete, or just unfollow so I am no longer seeing his stuff? Thanks :)

    #444439 Reply

    MD

    Oh and just to add – back story – reason for this would be he went to a festival and slept around (just found this out) then disappeared for 2 weeks, he lied that he doesn’t take drugs, he tells me he likes me etc, arranges to see me, then ghosts me. I haven’t spoken to him at all, and he’s made no effort. This isn’t the actions of a friend. We aren’t exclusive but I do find it disrespectful.

    And please no lectures – I know my mistakes now :(

    #444445 Reply

    Phoebe

    If you delete him he knows he’s pissed you off. If you just silence his posts he doesn’t know anything. The second scenario actually empowers you slightly more than the first.

    #444446 Reply

    Khadija

    Move on please this guy clearly is not interested in anything further.
    If, he contacts you again do not respond to him.
    In the future if you think you want more from a man set the tone early on.
    I say this because if you try later on a man will not change his mind.
    Lastly, this is not a friend. My friends don’t treat me poorly and disappear for weeks.

    #444447 Reply

    MD

    Hi ladies,
    Sorry for the tone of my posts. They are needy. I’m young and not v experienced with males. This site has taught me a lot.

    Phoebe – In what way would I be more empowered? Would it be better for me to get over it by still having him on social media – so he can see what I’m up to?

    Khadija – he knows I am interested in a relationship and not casual. He said he was also but i said i would like to see how things go first – me because I didn’t know what direction my life was taking at the time. His actions however clearly say the opposite. Thanks for confirming with the friend part.

    #444449 Reply

    Khadija

    I disagree with keep the whole FB page. I’m more about making the wonder what I have been up to. After a while I forget all about the guy anyways becuse he is out of sight out of mind.

    Men say a lot of things. It’s in his words and actions that will show you the truth. Keep that in mind.

    Since you mentioned you are young, now is a chance to turn things around and be better for the next guy that comes along.

    #444455 Reply

    MD

    see I find I would get over him if he wasn’t all over my newsfeed, but then I also wonder whether it would be beneficial for him to see I’m getting on fine. That’s why I wondered whether to unfollow but I don’t feel like he is going to change unless I put my foot down and even then the only reason I would be deleting him is because I WANT to move on.

    I have tried my best to follow the relationship advice on here with this guy. I don’t initiate contact unless it’s from confidence, I told him from the beginning what I wanted and I’ve managed for the most part not to freak out on him while he’s been MIA. I just found out what I did tonight and it made me think, is it worth it? No. But like I say. I’d love for him to turn around and fight for me, but I don’t feel like he will do that while I’m not valuing myself as a prize. In short I feel I need to cut him off – if he comes back cool if not I’m away from him, out of sight out of mind. Is this the right thing to do? What puts me off is him contacting and asking why I’ve done it. I wouldn’t know how to respond.

    #444456 Reply

    ollie

    Agree with Phoebe. Don’t delete, just hide (unfollow) his posts. His posts rile you up, and deleting him shows that he is getting to yo,u and he is on your radar.

    He should not be on your radar!!! He sounds like more trouble than he is worth. Hide his posts until you can see them with no emotional reaction.

    Agree with Khadija too. He’s not really a friend. He’s just a guy who is not yet a man with principles.

    The ladies on this forum are on fire lately with great advice! Y’all rock!

    Be you, be fabulous, forget this clown.

    #444457 Reply

    Jordan

    A friend wouldn’t treat you like that.

    #444458 Reply

    MD

    Thanks Ollie – ‘be fabulous’ – with those two words I’ve just felt my crown move back on to my head :p I’ve unfollowed him, I just heard what I heard tonight and saw red. I’ve defo improved on past me though – past me would be texting asking him what the hell is going on! Current me respects that right now we are nothing so I’ve no right to be concerned.

    Thanks Jordan – I don’t really consider him a friend after this. Can’t wait until I no longer feel hurt.

    Should he come back – or grovel – preferably grovel – how do I ensure this does not occur? I have pretty good self esteem but I do sometimes worry that I’m a bit too nice/doormat. Should I be upfront about it, the things that irritate me, or just act cool?

    #444461 Reply

    EM

    I have a different opinion than the rest of the people here.

    I would say that if you truly want to get over this guy and you don’t want anything to do with him anymore, then just delete him off your facebook. It doesn’t matter what he thinks about it. What matter is how having him on your facebook impacts your state of mind. Not having him on your fb will definitely help you move on. If you keep him, you will be tempted to go checkout his page every once in a while. It doesn’t sound like you guys are good friends or anything so I don’t see the point of keeping him around.

    But whether you keep him on your fb or not, I would advice you to forget about this guy because he is being disrespectful by ignoring you.

    #444465 Reply

    Khadija

    He mostly likely will come back but take heed to what I say next.
    Men only come back for a few reasons that I’ve noticed over the years.

    1. They are bored and scrolling through the phone
    2. They are horny and want sex
    3. Recently got dumped and need an ego boost.
    4. They are sorry and want another chance.

    *Notice what I put last.

    Keep in mind the past is a great indicator of the future in regards to men. If he treated you like crap in the past he’s rarely going to come back acting like a saint and worshiping the ground you walk on.

    I can feel you are hoping that he will grovel and pout for forgiveness. He probably won’t to be honest. He’ll put minimal effort in and then bam you’ll be back to square one. Don’t fall for it or be that girl a guy can mistreat but, be allowed back in weeks or months later.

    You have been warned my dear.

    #444466 Reply

    MD

    Hi EM,
    Deleting on Facebook would certainly improve my chances of getting over him. However I would like something to do with him – I’d love him to come grovelling back. I’ve followed the advice on here so far – don’t contact during MIA, keep busy. Eliminate neediness etc. he just seems to rubber band me a lot. We dated last year unsuccessfully. Didn’t speak for five months. I’ve only just let him back in romantically and he has been MIA twice. It’s like he can’t make up his mind. Well I’d like to make it up for him – choose me or lose me! I just don’t know how to go about this. Any advice regarding that would be brilliant.

    #444467 Reply

    MD

    Khadija – thanks for that. Shall I just move on and forget about him completely? It’s just draining. I guess I just sort of wish that he actually cared.

    #444469 Reply

    AlilConfused

    I would just block him (unfollow him) and go on about my life. No sappy quotes, just pictures showing you having fun and living a fabulous life.

    #444472 Reply

    Sasha

    MD,
    I know you may really like this guy but I think it’s best you completely move on. A man that is truly interested in you will NOT go MIA, he will pursue you and his interest in you will be clear as day. If you continue to stay around, you are only setting yourself up for more mistreatment from him. And you don’t need/deserve that. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be treated like the beautiful queen you are, and any man who can’t be bothered to do so doesn’t need to be in your life.

    #444473 Reply

    Khadija

    Stop wish and hoping that someone will care for you.
    I’m sure you have great people in your life that care, focus your time and energy on them.

    I’m hearing a young woman who really needs to work on loving herself. When you do situations like this won’t matter because you value yourself too much to care.

    Really think about this. He has ignored you, treated you unkind, and won’t commit.
    Yet you still want this guy? Help me to understand why? This does not sound logical to me.

    #444474 Reply

    Khadija

    *wishing

    #444476 Reply

    Jj

    So much angst about deleting/ unfollowing a guy in Facebook. If you deleted him do you think he would notice?

    The reason you aren’t deleting him is because you still want him to notice you in the hope he will come back. This guy has shown his lack of interest. You can’t do anything to make him want you more and truly if he does come back it’s most likely he is bored or needs an ego boost.

    Just secrete him and realise it’s over and move on and don’t look back.

    #444478 Reply

    MD

    I really don’t think I have an issue with self-love or self-esteem. I don’t say that to be annoying or defensive but I have an awful lot to be happy about right now. I feel 10x more confidence since I’ve lost weight, I have lots of plans with friends and family and I made it clear as day to him that I was looking for this and won’t compromise. I speak to other men and I am genuinely very happy single hence why I didn’t tell him I want a relationship – just that I would be willing to explore that option. I will be honest though, when a man comes on the scene I can get a bit cagey myself because I’ve been burned before. I wish I could love freely without worrying he will hurt me or leave – is that a self esteem thing? I put that down to the fact it’s happened recently. 70% of me does not want him. He is NOT right for me. 30% of me really cares about him and knows he is a decent man below his faults. and that is where my problem lies. This part of me sees potential when I should really take him for the lazy, flakey, commitment phobe he is. I guess I just can’t be bothered with the hard feelings from deletion. He’s a crap friend though so why should I feel bad? Thanks ladies. X

    #444480 Reply

    MD

    Hi Jj,
    I just deleted him. :) if I’m honest yes I do think he will notice and in fact I would probably bet that he will message me asking why and put me on the spot like he’s done nothing wrong. I don’t want him back, either. Admittedly I did when I wrote this thread, but the posts here have made me realise what I already knew deep down. I deserve better.

    #444484 Reply

    Options2

    I personally believe deleting him is dramatic, that thought and action will still be with you for a while.

    I would just simply deactivate the Facebook for a few weeks and then hide him in the background. Slow and incremental action build resilience. No ones mood will have to go ups and downs.

    #444486 Reply

    MD

    Hi options,
    I know you’re right but I have deleted him. I know from experience that this is how I get over a man – out of sight, out of mind. Even unfollowing wouldn’t help as we have mutual friends- I can’t block all of their posts when they hang out. This is a man who has messed me around from the start and when I look back I realise, he can’t redeem himself, nothing justifies his behaviour and no friend would ghost a girl he claims to have had feelings for – surely a friend would have done the kinder thing and told me the truth. It’s over :)

    #444488 Reply

    alia

    I think deleting is the right thing. And he probably won’t even notice. But yes, thinking that the guy will leave you is a self esteem thing. If you can get to a place, when you think you are so cool that anyone would be crazy to leave you, I think you will feel less anxious about dating in general. Fake it til you make it, as they say, but practice makes perfect. Take good loving care of yourself, like you have been doing, and the weight maintenance, exercise, friends, all the good things you have been doing, will become habits.

    #444489 Reply

    alia

    And another harsher truth to swallow, at least for me, has been, when you say “messed me around”, where you not a willing participant? I think taking responsibility for your part in the relationship, choices you made despite your gut feeling or his behavior, owning them will make you gain your power back. I’ve been guilty on more than one occasion of this, where I’ve started a relationship and been a “doormat”, and he “messed me around”, but I did chose to be there and stay there, and I refused to see that.

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