She's gone — any hope left?


Home Forums Break Up Advice She's gone — any hope left?

This topic contains 64 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Phillygirl 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 51 through 65 (of 65 total)
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  • #651178 Reply

    Kathy

    She feels she was hurt and wronged by what you did, tried to reach out and you ignored her. It was a slap in her face.

    You said you were trying to give her time to see if she missed you? This is what you get unfortunately when you play these silly games…

    #651180 Reply

    Raven

    I bet your name is really Mike.

    #651215 Reply

    Jens

    Thanks for the details, Lost. I may be the only one here who believes your story.

    Where to start. Well, for openers she’s never been completely committed to you and you’ve been doing a lot of chasing. To sum up, she flirted with and accepted gifts from other guys, slept with someone else for revenge, moved that far away without consulting you, got a roommate without consulting you, didn’t want to live with you even part time, has disregarded your comments about marriage and indicates it will be a long time before she has children. This isn’t the basis for a good relationship, can you see that??!!

    I think the attraction to her is that she’s never been all in and isn’t going to be. Ergo, you can’t get hurt again as you did in your 7 year relationship. You’re on the rebound, you do realize that, right? You didn’t deal with that, you went straight into it with a 25 year old who is never going to be serious with you.

    I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but the best thing that could happen is for this relationship to be over permanently. It isn’t going anywhere. I doubt she will ever forgive you, you will be paying for this forever. She will get tired of the game at some point and dump you.

    Again, I ask, what do YOU want in your life? You may have feelings for her and even love her, but that doesn’t mean you can or should have a relationship with her. This is just a joyride and not a very good one at that. Please let her go, you’ve both been through enough now.

    #651227 Reply

    Pandora

    Lost, you wrote:
    1. “She took a job offer about 6 hours away roughly one year ago. She made this decision without talking to me.” and then
    2. ” For whatever reason she decided to move out and get a roommate about 8 months ago. She did this without even talking to me about it.” and then
    3. “She relies on me for advice, support, decision making, etc.”

    How does point 1 and 2 add up with point 3?

    This girl is a flaky bimbo (accepting gifts from various man?? lol) and you are desperate (adding somebody with a fake profile on your social media?? hello??)

    not a great combo

    #651369 Reply

    Lost38

    @jens thank you for the direct and honest opinion. I can’t argue with anything you’re stating however my heart wants to keep trying.

    @pandora I didn’t add a random person — this maniac created a fake profile based on similar profiles of people I follow and then sent me a request. It was a clothing company and not a person.

    So my girlfriend text me all last night and this morning I woke up to a text wishing me a good day and “love you”. She text a few times during the day as well. We still have not had a phone conversation. I asked her again today to give me a call but she replied “sorry just too stressed — going to veg for a bit”. Which prompted me to respond “what do you want from me and is this a game? Are you talking to other men? I would like you to be honest and direct”. I also stated that I love her dearly but this cannot keep going on without talking and at some point I will need to let her be…

    I’m starting to wonder if this is a revenge scenario. Set me up by stringing me along until she runs off with another guy. I mean we are approaching almost three weeks without talking.

    Thoughts?

    #651375 Reply

    Anon

    Stop it

    You are sounding like a woman and emotional

    Take care

    #651376 Reply

    Jens

    Sigh. Lost…read what I wrote again, it’s exactly as I said, she’s got you over a barrel and you can’t win this game. YES, it’s a revenge thing. She’s going to toy with you until she gets bored and cheat on you and tell you that you deserve it or flat out dump you.

    How long you want to bang your head on the wall is entirely up to you. You’re 37 years old. You’re acting like you’re 20 – you’re not showing much common sense or self worth. You’ve been allowing this girl to jack you around for a long time. It was very telling that your description of her on the previous page to a group of total strangers was all negative with no positives whatsoever. At some level you know what you are doing. I think you don’t believe you deserve any better or you want to be in something that won’t work out so you don’t have to risk being hurt again on someone else’s terms. It’s worth repeating, this has never been a healthy relationship and is never going to be, based on everything you’ve said.

    It’s your life, your choices, I have no judgments about you. I’m out. Wish you the best. I hope you wake up and walk away from her sooner rather than later, you are damaging yourself with every day you keep doing this and you deserve a lot better.

    #651377 Reply

    Jens

    Anon… LOL, that’s what it boils down to for almost everyone posting here with a problem. STOP IT.

    #651380 Reply

    Lost38

    @jens thanks for the reality check. not sure what took so long but your words made me feel ashamed of myself.

    I will bounce back. I am over the self loathing and pitifulneas of my demeanor at this stage. Reality is you can’t apply rationale to an irational person.

    I’m out as well —->

    #651381 Reply

    Amanda

    She is using this an excuse to break up with you. She was never serious about you, and you knew it. If you want marriage and a family this is going to get significantly harder for you after 40. Don’t let this girl waste the last few good years you have. Find someone who cares.

    #651385 Reply

    Hannah

    How you describe her reminds me of my ex I was with at 25. I seriously loved him. Seriously. But I knew he wasn’t the man for me long term. I didn’t include him in my long term plans either. It was a “for now” relationship. Like her, I was 23 when I got together with that man. I wasn’t thinking forever at all at that young age. He asked me to marry him and I didn’t even think he was serious!

    I don’t think she’s playing with you. I think she’s genuinely hurt and confused. She will enjoy having you over a barrel though in a messed up way. You hurt her and now she’s taking back some control and power over you. It’s not healthy but it’s natural. Part of this is also stress testing you though. It’s easy to buy someone flowers but much harder to do the work required to regain someone’s good opinion of you.

    As I said before, you don’t have the stamina to get through this. You’re frustrated after 3 weeks? It could easily take 6 months to a year for her even to work out if she can trust you again.

    I would say that, seeing as she’s never been fully commited to you, the effort required to fix the relationship isn’t worth it. Once the ex I mentioned broke my trust, we never could get the good thing going again. I knew the relationship was never going to be forever, so I think deep down there was only so much effort I could give to fixing it.

    #651422 Reply

    Jens

    I’m glad you heard me Lost. And Amanda is very right. If you leave it to over 40 to find a great woman and go after a family life – assuming that’s what you want, whether it’s with or without children – it does get harder for men as well as women. Take some time to heal from this and also, more importantly, from the other relationship you mentioned. I don’t feel you’re out of that by a long shot. Big hug from me and the girls here. You will be OK, I’m sure of it.

    #651664 Reply

    Love

    @Lost,
    You screwed up. It’s be broken her trust. It’s over. But at the same time we are very emotion beings! We as women aren’t up and down and when it’s over and you’ve hurt us we go through absolute hell trying to mentally kick your ass all over the place to forget you! Sounds like your efforts are paying off slightly but she’s obviously very reserved. Men always realise that they’ve messed up when it’s too late! When we are DONE, we are DONE. We’ve experienced all the emotions we’ve cried and hurt and got angry and raged at you. She’s grieved the relationship whilst you are still stuck on I know I messed up I want it back to the way it was.

    Life is too short and if you aren’t ready to walk away then that’s fine! Tell her how you feel but be straight up about it. And demand an answer. Don’t let her keep you on the side because if she is dating others she will move on but say what you have to and be done with it. JUST be a man about it! Own it. Accept that you may have lost her for good. But give it all you’ve got then walk. There’s nothing wrong with feeling like you do. Just be sincere in your actions. GIVE her space, say what you want then leave it!

    #651668 Reply

    Pandora

    Love, its not entirely true, what you wrote: “When we are DONE, we are DONE.”

    yeah, but not in 2 weeks time

    or if yes, then it wasnt anything serious

    Love, you are really done after 2 weeks?

    #651669 Reply

    Phillygirl

    I really feel like Hannah, Jens, and Amanda summed this up well for you.

    You never took a break or time to fully mourn and heal your previous long term relationship, just distracted yourself and jumped into something new, shiny, and exciting with this girl.

    Everything you describe about her tells me this is a girl who DOES have some serious issues. Sounds like she needs constant attention from multiple men to boost her ego. Even for 25, she sounds incredibly immature. I don’t think she was EVER all in on this relationships, and I hate to say it, but I think she’s been entertaining other guys this whole time.

    She obviously has self-esteem issues, because a truly emotionally healthy woman who KNOWS her worth, doesn’t need this kind of attention from multiple men all the time-and certainly not when in a (supposedly) serious relationship. You should have let her go at the beginning when you saw the warning signs, and certainly when her true colors showed over time. This relationship exceeded it’s expiration date long ago. You are trying to revive a corpse.

    Her actions are simply NOT those of a woman who is serious, committed, and long term.

    You ignored some real red flags from the start with this girl, and now you are here.

    You needed attention from another- because deep down you knew your relationship with this girl is not going anywhere, and it’s not sincere.

    At this point, I even think you are confusing “ego” with love.

    She’s a much younger girl who never gave you her undivided attention, and the chase and uncertainty were a toxic excitement to you.

    We see women like that here all the time. When they find a guy who doesn’t play games, and they don’t have all the huge up and down swings of the dysfunctional relationships they are used to, something is wrong.

    They are so conditioned to thinking the highs of a toxic relationship are love, when that is exactly the opposite of love. Real love is calm, encouraging, stable, and uplifting.

    This mess you have with her is anything but that.

    I can guarantee she will never stop making you pay for this. And pay you will, unless you walk away. She has shown all along who she is, you just refuse to believe it. You will never have a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship with this woman. She has NO idea what that is.

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