Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Question for those who have given their guy space
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veronica.
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Wyoming
Been seeing a guy since Christmas and a close friend of his passed away. He has withdrawn…no more texting (was 2-3 times a day) nothing. So, just give him space, no contact and let it all go…if meant to be he’ll be back whenever? I’m to just move along with life, with the exception of dating someone? Am I understanding this correctly?
Maddy
I’m okay on giving him space, but is it okay to date around? Should I talk to him about that?
alia
I don’t know too much of the background, but from what you’ve written here you are hung up on a guy who doesn’t care one way or another if you’re in his life. If he did, he wouldn’t flake and ask for space. He would be consistent and considerate.
The best thing for you is to make independent decisions of this guy, including whom you may date and spend time with. I wouldn’t even mention to him if I’m dating and if he cycles back up and reaches out you can inform him about the current status of things, including: “I’m getting to know a few people”.Hannah
Of course it’s fine. He’s told you be can’t be there for you and you haven’t agreed to be exclusive
He can’t expect you to wait around forever. No need for a discussion. Just do it.I do think you’re wasting your time with athis guy. Has he still not had time to see you? Go out and have fun with other people!
Sal
Have you considered asking your guy if he wants the space?
I’ve thought of giving my man space and both times I’ve asked him and he said he doesn’t want/need it. I myself have taken space once during our relationship.
We both are on the agreement that if one feels space is needed for whatever reason than the other respects that time and the space is given.
Space and the silent treatment are not the same thing. Space is a time for ‘self’
And take time for you, what do you want?
Algo
I once gave my guy space. He was visiting his family abroad and I’d been doing most of the initiating and just stopped. He didn’t contact me for 6 days, then sent me a Happy Newyear’s text. When I didn’t respond with in an hour he asked me if everything was fine.
I think me giving him space was more of a way of reestablishing our relationship parameters where I stopped initiating and let him do a bit more. It worked. I think he was waiting on me to speak to him as well. But when he got back he was a lot less casual and felt a lot more relationship-ish.
So I’m not sure this counts because I’d been doing the initiating before this.
Lex
Maddy….how did everything turn out?
Jessie
Hi
Me and my boyfriend is going out for 6 months and then he send me a text message that he needs some space in the relationship for a month or 2 so that he can date other girls. But he is still hanging out with me at school breaks and still buy me cooldrink and stand by me and my friends and then he just looks at me…. I dont know what he meant with he need a break. And yesterday before the bell rings he walk to me to the class and he gave me a hug ? I am so confused the only thing is he is not so much on his phone anymore and I also dont send him any messages.
carlotta
Jessie, though this is an old topic, since you’ve asked your question here instead of starting a new topic, I will answer you here.
What he told you specifically is that he wants to date other girls. For some people, relationships exist where both couples are fine dating other people. However, is this the kind of relationship where you are happy and comfortable? For me personally, I do not define a “relationsip” as one where me or my guy are seeing other people, in confirmed, committed relationships I personally value total exclusivity.
If you are not comfortable with this and feel like it’s not what you want in a relationship, you need to break up with him. Don’t allow him to have his cake and eat it too. If you are comfortable with him seeing other girls, then YOU need to see other guys, too.
But since you sound like you are in high school, I am going to say that that was his way of breaking up with you. He probably still cares about you as a friend and likes you, but he doesn’t want to be fully committed to you so that he can date others. I wouldn’t take him seriously anymore and if you want a committed boyfriend, go find someone else.
Sabrina
I have been with my boyfriend now for going in are fourth year and he went back to Florida and I staying Idaho where he left and he decided he wanted to stay in Florida to have space well it’s been now three months and he says he want to work on him self and wants to be able to take care of me and notdepend on me to take care of us .what should I do .
Amanda
Sabrina go to “forums” at the top of the page and start your own thread. People don’t answer on old threads.
Betty
Just go on with your life and let him lead. You’ll know soon enough what’s his intentions are.
Sir Tim the Valiant
By the holy blood of the martyrs this makes my blood boil. Only knaves and varlets seek to escape from fair maidens. These poltroons must learn that m’ladies are the most beloved of God almighty and it is an honor for men to even been in the same room with fair maidens.
I live to serve all Womynkind
Sir Tim the Valiant
Sophia
Why did he move to Florida in the first place? He’s been there for three months and now saying he needs space shuts the door for you to move there to be with him. I think you need to look at the as a break up and move on from him. Sorry.
Claire
Hi. It hasnt even been a year, but one evening he became belligerent, began yelling at me in a room full of people. Finally he calmed down, I asked for an apology, he refused. I got mad, sent messages. A couple days later, he wanted to talk, I wanted an apology, he still refused. Few days later I got 6 calls, assumed it was him using another number, didnt answer. It was his father! His dad and I talked, he said “you two need to sit down and talk.” Of course he’s right. Next day I got a text from his dad saying he contacted his son, his son said he accepted my apology (I eventually did), and hopes I accept his, to give him a moment and he’ll reach out to me.”
Ok.But what exactly does “give him a moment” mean? Yes, it’s only been 1.5 days since the text, but still. Thank you.Emma
Claire dear if he yelled at you in public in front of other people and refuses to apologize I think you should give him an infinity darling. LOL
Until he comes to you with flowers and apologizes very explicitly. However long it takes.
Claire
Emma, thank you.
Sooo,you’re saying to not accept him back unless.
I never saw him like this. Never! Am I making excuses if I say maybe he was under pressure or whatever? I am impressed though with his dad when said what he said, though I am aware that his dad can’t make him do anything. Actually I am/was impressed that his dad even told me that since he doesn’t know me from Adam. And really, according to dad, this happened Tuesday evening, Feb. 20th, and afterwards he called dad. Now wait. Im not upset that he called his father, not at all. Maybe he needed to really talk to someone, and they both have a great relationship.veronica
i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. we have been going through a rough patch these last couple of weeks. Hes always mad, he doesn’t seem to be happy as much as before and hes stopped caring about fixing things when we argue. when we argue he just gets mad and doesn’t try to make me feel better. last week we got into a fight because i slept over his house and he was playing video games, i told him to be quiet because i needed to go to work the next morning and he got mad and didn’t listen so i got out of his bed at 12am and left. what hurt me is that he didn’t try to stop me. he just let me go and it was raining and was earliest in the morning. I recently told him that i wanted space because i feel like he doesn’t care about me and doesn’t care about making things better when we argue, i always have to fix things and it cant be just one person doing all the work. He didn’t try to stop me. he just told me that he feels i control him because every time he wants to do something with his friends im always at his house (which is true) and he feels like i don’t support the things he loves because i don’t trust him and im always with him and don’t give him time to do the things he loves to do. he told me in his words “no ones gonna make me stop doing what i love to do” that hurt me because it was never my intention to make him feel like that but i guess he does. he also says i don’t give him time to go out with his friends or to just play video games. I understand that it defiantly might be my fault. Either way i told him that i wanted space because i wasn’t happy ( im mostly just doing this for him so he could not feel controlled with me and come back to me feeling better, happier) when i told him that in about 3-4 paragraphs he only responded with “” i don’t know what to do, i love you”. i haven’t wrote back ever since and he hasn’t tried to contact me after that. its only been 2 days but im wondering, what if this is what he wanted because he doesn’t wanna be with me any more, does he still care, is it my fault? im so confused about this situation!! Just to be clear, he never asked for space, he told me he didn’t want it, but when i gave it to him, he didn’t stop me. Nothing makes sense
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