Question for those who have given their guy space


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  • This topic has 42 replies and was last updated 6 years ago by veronica.
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  • #506887 Reply
    Maddy

    Hello,

    I’m currently in a “giving him space” situation. He didn’t ask for it, but he was going through a lot personally, and I told him I was there for him and then stopped initiating contact.

    I know there are many reasons why women decide to give their boyfriends space, and maybe the amount of time it takes for the man to return varies depending on the situation.

    I’m just curious, however, how long did it take for a guy to come around for those of you who have given space?

    Thanks,

    Maddy

    #506894 Reply
    P_Asohka

    Sometimes it can take a few days to a little over a week. If he is your boyfriend. If he is someone you are just casually dating or beginning to know, they can take as long as they need to, otherwise I’ll move on regardless. If he is my bf, there will be communication to know that I”ll be here for him but when they are ready they typically tell you about it when they are ready. Time frame? Like you said, it depends on the situation. Stress affects many people and if they aren’t capable of handling such areas in their lives it can take some time. If he is your bf, you should know about him enough to know how he handles his stress.

    #506900 Reply
    Leila

    It really depends on the person and relationship, but I’ve been in a serious relationship with my bf for 9 months and the longest break he’s taken was 5 days. That only happened once. A few other times it was for 2-3 days, but we don’t necessarily talk/text every day anyway. I’ll usually send him a quick text not expecting a response even though he always does, and then go back to being silent until he’s ready to surface again. It doesn’t bother me because I have a busy schedule as well. With the 5 day silence I asked him politely to at least check in with me after a couple days. He agreed and things have been fine since.

    #506905 Reply
    P_Asohka

    If this is a new relationship, just observe his actions and wait patiently for him to reach out to you. Observe how you feel and what he does while “giving him space” and if it’s too long of a distance then call (only if you are in an exclusive relationship). If not, then I would not contact him. If he reaches out then I’ll happily respond depending if I am interested still.

    #506913 Reply
    Carrie

    Maddy, do you know what it is exactly that your guy/bf is going through? That is a very important factor. My bf and I considered breaking up and I took some time/gave him space, and it lasted a week. My best friend, on the other hand, is in a relationship with a guy who’s mother passed away a year ago when they had been together for a little over a year and who himself went through a really rough time at work for about 6 months around the same time. The guy was depressed and not present at all for almost 8 months – even though he was texting my friend every day and they would see each other a few times a week throughout the hard time – and my friend grew more and more anxious and insecure. In the end they went on a break of about a month to get their heads sorted out (with occasional contact), got back together and are now moving in together.

    The bottom line is of course, as others have said, that everyone is unique and people react to stress in very different ways. If your bf being distant is taking its toll on you, you may want to use this time to consider if this is the kind of person you want to be with. Are you ok with him withdrawing when something (possibly major) is going on in his life or would you be more comfortable with someone who is more open and able to talk about their issues. Men are generally worse than women at talking about difficult stuff but not every guy turns into a Neanderthalian under stress :)

    #506914 Reply
    Maddy

    This is indeed more or less a new relationship. We were pretty intense for a month, but then apart for a month because I went on a trip. Since my absence he went through all of the stuff. We’ve been talking a little bit in the past week, but nothing monumental. I just don’t know what his intentions are for this relationship

    #506916 Reply
    Maddy

    Hi Carrie,

    He went through the one year anniversary of a really terrible and unexpected death in the family, and he also took on a workload that’s a lot for one human to manage in addition to running into some financial issues.

    #506917 Reply
    NY2GAgirl

    a few days is the most, like 2-3 for me. but as the other say it all depends on varying conditions like the type of relationship you have and how he handles stress situations.

    I’ve been with my guy little over a year and I had to learn his ways on this very area. I use to freak out after just one day of no contact…………..even tho we did attempt just kept missing each other so maybe that didn’t count LOL.

    He deals with stress like others, going under. I give him 2days and usually by then I don’t even have to initiate, he does. He’s been ill this past week or 2 and even in his ill state, he manage to text to let me know how he’s doing or what meds the doc gave him………….

    However if its a work project I may go 2days of not hearing from him and then he’ll resurface bringing me up to date on things. Gotten use to this and I use the time to get caught up on my stuff also……………being a single mom can get hectic so its all good when I have my own ‘space’ so to speak as well.

    And our schedule doesn’t allow us to talk/text 24/7 and spending time is always a challenge. but somehow we’re still here so something must be working :)

    hope you hear from yours soon. how long has it been now?

    #506920 Reply
    Maddy

    NY2GAgirl,

    We went all of not last week, but the week before without talking, and then last weekend he contacted me. Since then it’s been every day or every other day, and very casual conversation too. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks, but he also had barely made time to even see his mother due to his busy work schedule

    #506927 Reply
    NY2GAgirl

    ok so altogether, how long have you known him? or how long ago did you meet I should say?
    if I”m reading correct you only know him one to two months? and if you haven’t seen him in few weeks, that cuts it down to what 2-3 weeks combined??

    what is the nature of your relationship?

    #506934 Reply
    Maddy

    I met him about halfway through September but we didn’t start dating until halfway through November.

    #506946 Reply
    redcurleysue

    There is always stress in life.

    So, a few days is not unusual…but more than that is…how else can he keep up with your life?

    #506950 Reply
    P_Asohka

    “I just don’t know what his intentions are for this relationship” – That tells me that you are not a couple or exclusive couple? You are just getting to know each other and you’ve been dating him since mid Nov? Nothing wrong with that, I’m just observing your timeline. Technically you have been dating him for almost 3 months, have there been anything talked about being exclusive or do you call each other boyfriend/girlfriend?

    This relationship is very new and I think observing his behavior is the best thing you can do at this time, you’ll learn about yourself too. Keep positive and don’t let the distance get to you. He’ll come around. When your relationship is more established, then you can communicate with each other what your needs are about certain things like this, but also just “know” that a man does need time to think, to re-gather themselves at times and it’s not something that you can schedule on a calendar lol, it just comes and learn to trust yourself that you know this about your guy. Obviously if his distance, followed by red flags come about, rethink your situation.

    #506966 Reply
    Maddy

    We started dating mid November, but then from mid December to mid January we were apart because I was on a trip. We were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but then when things started getting tough for him he kind of distanced himself and that’s what we’re coming back from I think right now.

    #506977 Reply
    funny

    I feel like giving space is the greatest thing.
    If you feel the guy you’re seeing seems distant, back off and give him space.
    If you feel your bf is going through a tough time, tell him you’ll be there and stop contacting so much.
    Almost always they will come back, in a few days or in a week.
    If they don’t, do nothing. Giving space to someone means you are getting your space too! Take this time and nurture yourself and reflect what you’re about.

    #506979 Reply
    funny

    As for me I felt a guy who I was seeing from November (same as you) seemed distant and wasn’t setting up dates, I felt insecure the first time and initiated contact for a bit. It felt odd to me so I decided to just chill and give him space. After that I stopped initiating and was light and breezy when we would meet. Now the relationship feels more secure and steady. I don’t know what happened during the time he seemed distant or can’t pinpoint when exactly things improved but I guess he was thinking about our relationship and probably decided he wanted to be in it.

    #507007 Reply
    Maddy

    I know everyone says that in these situations, guys come around, and maybe I’m just really paranoid, but I’m so scared he won’t. He led me to believe that he saw us as being a long-term item, but I don’t know how he feels now simply because men are hard to understand sometimes, haha.

    #507038 Reply
    Xoxo

    I’m going through the same thing. I thought we were good and when I started showing him my emotional side he calls me controlling and asks me for space.

    #507133 Reply
    Maddy

    He said his distance has nothing to do with me, but I gathered that what he needed was space because he said “I feel like with everyone going on I can’t be there for another human right now” and proceeded to tell me he was emotionally in really bad shape. Again, this conversation was about 2 and a half weeks ago, and we’ve since talked, but nothing super relationship-y. I hate to bring it up because I feel like it just adds more stress, and I don’t want this relationship to be a source of stress for him but of comfort.

    #507244 Reply
    erika

    im trying that out now and its not going too well. not to put you down bc it completely depends on the guy. we are still “talking” and im giving him space bc i dont want to fall too quickly for him. and now if i text fisrt e’s mad bc he says i wasnt there when i needed him and yet i got no text from him.. stay strong bc ive also giving space to a guy and he came back stronger… you never know with some guys until you feel like you should give up

    #507250 Reply
    alia

    This guy is in no shape for a relationship. Nothing wrong with that, just not a boyfriend material.

    #507294 Reply
    Maddy

    I know it’s not a good time for him, and like I said, it’s not that he doesn’t care for me as much as he just can’t figure out his life right now. That’s why I’m just curious if anyone’s been in a similar situation/how it turned out.

    #507310 Reply
    XOXO

    Hi Maddy.

    I just posted a thread about my boyfriend wanting space and initially he told me that he needed space because I was getting controlling and that only he would initiate for the next 2 weeks or so. I decided to give him space and not contact him till he reached out but he called the very next day to see how I am. But then again in my past, when guys have asked for space it has been more then just a day. And whenever they ask for space, I just do my thing as difficult as it may seem and they always pick on the vibe that I am busy with other things and text back in a few days.

    WRT you, I suggest that you get busy and don’t initiate contact for the next week or so. See if he misses you and if he does not, then continue dating him but don’t be exclusive till you see a drastic change and I don’t mean, date other guys till he chases you. I mean just date other guys and commit to the guy that you like the most and who is putting in the effort.

    Good luck :)

    #507322 Reply
    Hannah

    I think you’ve posted about this guy before?

    I think he has too much going on to be thinking about a relationship. He says he can’t be there for someone at the moment. There’s a fine line between giving someone space and sticking around for someone who won’t or can’t give anything back.

    In your case, it’s been a month now and you haven’t seen him in weeks. If you stick around too long, there’s a danger he will take you for granted and lose some respect for you. I think it might be good to take a break and suggest he contacts you when he’s ready for a relationship.

    #508167 Reply
    Jordan

    I went silent on my boyfriend for 3 days. Not to test him but I had other things going on. He said he was waiting for me to contact him but I told him that I knew he was with his family so I didn’t want to interrupt. Plus I had to work all week. I guess it depends on how close the bond is.

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