Owe a guy money on 1st date but seems there won't be 2nd date


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This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jade 2 months ago.

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  • #641767 Reply

    Jade

    I met him through tinder, he texted me in a way that I’d thought to be ‘too smooth’ that I at 1 point decided to ignore the text. But he kept texting and so we met and he’s far more good looking in person and pretty nice.

    And then I lost my bag, with my money keys phone and my flatmates were out partying. He offered me to go to police station and log out his fb and let me logged into mine to text my flatmate because I couldn’t get into my place. It was 11pm and he suggested me to go back to his place.

    He lives outside the city so he bought me the train ticket, and at his place we were drunk from whiskey but slept at 2 separate rooms. Well yeah we ended up doing it in the morning and he bought me train ticket back to the city and gave me a pretty generous sum of money because he knew I didn’t have access to bank account that weekend.

    While waiting and on the train he was affectionate: arms on my shoulder, kissing my lips and forehead. He kept saying how hot I was, that he wanted me.

    Once I took care my documents and got my bank card, I told him that I could pay him back (maybe transfer) and he said that I shouldn’t be worried, it could wait and he preferred cash next time we meet. The thing is… It’s been a week and he hasn’t texted me. Very contrast with before we met where he texted me once a day.

    So I thought, I want to be clear and move on- if he’s not interested in me I’d like to know. And I don’t like to owe sbd. Should I ask him about this bluntly?
    (I am so horrible at things like this)

    #641769 Reply

    pi

    No need to ask. Date others. You are not exclusive. He seems like a nice human being. If he wants to meet you he will contact you himself. Don’t overthink. Just enjoy yourself and keep busy.

    #641774 Reply

    Amz

    Hmmm, I’d write it off as a bad date with a cash bonus. If he wants the money, he’l contact you.

    #641784 Reply

    kaye

    I’m not the kind of person to take money from strangers and not repay it. Also not the kind of person to have sex with a stranger but that’s an entirely different subject!! This was clearly a loan he expected to be repaid. As stated by the fact he said “it could wait and he preferred cash next time we met.” And it’s clearly your fault for losing your bag. So just text him and let him know you have his money and ask the best way to get it to him. To me he sounds like a player who was attractive and smooth and got in your pants, then wasn’t interested anymore.

    #641789 Reply

    Emma

    He knows you are willing to pay him back, you can text him again like Kaye suggested but only mention that you are ready to send him the money, do not hint or imply that you want to see him. If you have sex with the guy the first time you see him do not expect anything serious. Yes yes I know, there will be a flood of indignation that sex too soon does not mean anything bad, but it does, it really does in 90% of cases or even more. If you want to bank on being an exception you can do that of course but then don’t be surprised when “it’s been a week” happens. He might text you in another week and might even promote you to one of his casual hookups.

    #641794 Reply

    Prairiegirl

    Doesn’t matter the circumstances, whose fault it is, whether or not you had sex, whether or not he is a good guy…he lent you the money, you repay it asap. I know that is what you want to do anyway.

    #641795 Reply

    Anne

    Pretty smooth, he took advantage of the dingbat who got drunk and lost her purse. Easy picking. You will hear from him when he’s horney

    #641869 Reply

    Anon

    You deserve to keep the money

    IF he wants you back, it will likely be second round of sex.

    Why do you want to hear that possibly?

    #641872 Reply

    Pinkie

    You can keep the money for services rendered – LOL – or you can text him and ask where you can send a cheque as you’d like to get him paid back. Don’t mention seeing him. If he doesn’t respond, you did your bit and you can forget it.

    #641874 Reply

    L

    What a plan! He arranges to have your purse taken. Gets you home for sex and then gives you your own money out of your purse to get back home. Brilliant!

    #641882 Reply

    T from NY

    I would not worry about this whatsoever. You offered to pay him already and he declined to give you instructions on how to do so. Just wait to see if he contacts you. If you don’t hear from him for a month – text and say – ‘Hey I am still willing to reimburse you from assisting me last month. Let me know specific details of how I can get you the money. Hoping you are well.’ Or something along those lines.

    #641886 Reply

    Phillygirl

    If you were at his place already, do you have his address? If so, just send him a check for the amount. If not, text him and ask him the best way to get hin the money. Almost everyone has a Pay Pal account these days, I’d ask if I could get it to him that way.

    It seems very clear to me this was a loan. I don’t like owing anyone either, and I would definitely make every effort to pay him back.

    And if you are seeking a relationship and not a ONS, then it does matter when you sleep with someone- especially someone you meet on a dating site. And even more so with Tinder, which is a well known hook up site. I don’t care if some people have met their BF/GF on it, it’s primarily known for people looking for sex and hookups.

    It’s different if you’ve know someone IRL for awhile and then you go out, because you know them on some level.

    But there are so many guys online only looking for NSA sex, when they get it, it’s on to the next.

    That may be your guy. It does not sound promising that you slept with him and he’s disappeared.

    Ever hear the saying “Act as if”? It means that you behave as you want to be perceived.

    If you want a man to perceive you as a woman worth pursuing and getting to know, (someone who has her crap together) with a happy full life that’s already filled with wonderful people, activities, hobbies, goals and dreams you are working towards…then that is EXACTLY how you conduct yourself.

    -As a woman who is happy and confident on her own, and only the RIGHT guy gets your time and attention.

    I’m not saying that even if you sleep with someone on a first date, there is no chance of a relationship. But think of it this way. Many guys on these sites are sleeping with everything in sight. Do you really just want to be another notch in their belt? Yuck.

    Women usually bond via sex. Many women really don’t want sex without commitment, and real intimacy. We are supposed to be the CHOOSERS. Which means we should accept just anything with a pulse. Raise your standards.

    Waiting to have sex is not about playing games (if a relationship is your real goal).

    A woman who respects herself knows her heart and body are precious, which means she acts as if she has every right to be discerning about who she gives those things to.

    Waiting gives you an opportunity to observe a guy’s words and actions, and also to protect yourself from getting hurt by a guy who only wants to sleep with you and forget you.

    It’s not a guarantee you’ll never get hurt, but it sure helps.

    So many men treat women as disposable, BECAUSE WE TREAT OURSELVES THAT WAY. You can’t sex a man into a relationship or love. It doesn’t work that way.

    Take this as a lesson learned.

    #641887 Reply

    Phillygirl

    oops: we should NOT just accept anything with a pusle

    #642200 Reply

    Jade

    Thank you for the responses, I actually texted him 2days ago asking for the bank account number. I personally don’t like owing people money as it could become a bad habit and I just want to get over bad things, put them behind me and move on.

    He gave me the numbers (made the transfer the same day he told me), and told me that he was too busy to see me. Then he said he wanted have lunch with me, said he wanted to ‘talk to me’ sometime next week. I had thought that there was probably nothing to talk about, I mean I understood – and I just told him that. So, the lunch might be unnecessary. We don’t have to do this. Yeah, I learned my lesson.

    For Kaye: thanks, I got it that IT IS MY FAULT that my bag got stolen.
    For L: well, it was definitely not his fault that my bag got stolen lol. As far as I’m concern, he didn’t arrange/ organise it to get stolen.

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