This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Josie 3 weeks ago.
June 25, 2018 at 9:24 am #709589
I don’t even know where to begin with this because I thought I was finally experiencing something real.
He and I started talking in January on POF. I wound up dating someone for like two weeks and didn’t access the app. When that didn’t work out, I went back on the app and had a message from him saying he was thinking about me and doesn’t get on there much but wanted me to have his phone number to reach out.
We’ve talked every single day since the very start of February up until two weeks ago when he ghosted me. I felt him pulling away a little bit and had called him that Monday (he ghosted on Friday). I asked if everything was okay and he said he had been thinking about us not talking as much lately, he’s felt a lot of stress in his personal life, work has been crazy and had a family member in the hospital. I told him we had to cancel our date the week prior since he went to see his family member in the hospital the weekend before in a different city and I was happy we got to go… but if we couldn’t see each other or talk on the phone, I wanted to text with him. I asked him if he was still excited when we talked and he said yes. We talked for over an hour.
That week we only exchanged very few texts each day–but I felt like after our call that he was going through something hard and I wanted to give him his space. That Friday his last message to me was a huge paragraph saying his mom was going to be in town and he wasn’t sure of his plans yet but asked what mine were. That was the last thing I ever received from him. He didn’t answer texts or calls after that.
It felt out of the blue to me because just before that he had brought me flowers for my birthday and even wanted to have sex. Because we weren’t in a relationship at that point, I said no to the sex and thought we should wait until once we were both ready to move forward with a relationship. He said that was fine. I went to visit my family for a few days and he was joking with me about planning food dates once I was finished with my diet. Then he went cold.
I wound up finding out that he was still with his ex in February when we started really talking and meeting up. I’m not sure if/when they broke up but I would assume it was sometime in April. He told me that he had broken up with her 3-4 months before he and I started talking. That their relationship felt like they were just friends for the last several months and that he tried talking to her about things that were bothering him and those things didn’t change. They were together for almost 4 years. I asked if they were engaged and what happened and he said they had never been engaged because he couldn’t see the important aspects of their life lining up for that to happen.
I think maybe he went back to his ex. But after over 4 months, why wouldn’t he end it with me in a respectful way instead of ghosting? I had told him I’ve been ghosted in the past and he told me that wasn’t right for that person to do to me and they should have just ended it and I should, “know better,” than him ever doing that. But… he did that.
Maybe you guys can provide insight from your own personal situations, but I feel like he was very unhappy in his relationship and didn’t want to be with her anymore so then he started seeing me (which like i said, I think he was still with her in the beginning). He had one foot in and one foot out because i never got to meet his friends or go to his place. He always came to mine. I’m also thinking that’s because it would have been weird for his friends to meet me if he was with her or just broken up–and they share mutual friends. I think he didn’t want to commit to me because he didn’t want to give up on her 100%. Then I got ghosted after he said he was feeling “pressure in his personal life,” which now I attribute that to mean she was wanting to be back with him and he was trying to figure out what to do.
Do you think he went back with her just because of all the history they had? I think there was some truth to what he had told me. I realllllly liked this guy and never saw this coming. My roommate met him and said she really liked him and thought he was very genuine with me and was happy I found a good man. We had so much in common. Her thoughts on this are that she doesn’t think he meant to hurt me, and it just wound up happening because he got back with his ex (our speculation) and didn’t know how to tell me, so he said nothing.
Do you guys think he will come back? He never blocked my number. I texted him about a week ago just to tell him I feel like I may know what’s going on and I wish him happiness and to not settle because everyone deserves to be happy and love without pressure. No reply, of course.
What are the chances you also think it will work out for them? Do you think he just went back because it’s easy and they have their history?
I’m really upset over this because I thought what he and I had was real.
June 25, 2018 at 9:36 am #709594
He deceived you from January to April. He cheated on you and his ex for months. Then he ghosts you and you want him back?
You never really knew him. He was never honest with you. Not for one second. What a creep to be hitting on girls online when he had a gf of 4 years!
Maybe he went back to her, maybe you were a rebound or maybe he’s just a serial cheat and liar. I can’t tell. But I really think you’ve had a lucky escape.June 25, 2018 at 10:07 am #709597
He’s a coward. REAL MEN end things. Cowards squirm away oblivious to the hurt they cause.
You did nothing wrong, But you learned his true colors, and when he pops back up in 2 months, 4 months, 6 months…. ghost him right back. Because he will be back with a lame excuse or apology. Here are my top 3 apologies from ghosters:
1. I didn’t want to upset you. (because somehow just disappearing is just going to make me feel OK?)
2. I can’t get close to people and I was getting close to you. (so you are back now)
3. My mom got sick. (and that somehow broke you phone, rendering you unable to give me a heads up?)
If any men read this, I have had exactly 3 men (who I really adored) genuinely reach out and end things with me. There was no drama, I thanked them and wished them the best. And above all, 2 out of the 3, I’d gladly date again. Ghosting doesn’t spare feelings or “keep doors open”. It just creates undue upset and anxiety with your partner.June 25, 2018 at 1:29 pm #709625
Sorry to say, it sounds like you were his rebound and he used you to fill the void in his life when he broke up with his ex- girlfriend. There’s a good chance he went back to her, or wants to. When that relationship doesn’t work yet again, he may reach out to you at that point. You would be a fool to take him back. He’s dishonest and selfish.June 25, 2018 at 1:31 pm #709627
I’m not convinced she was ever an “ex”. You said no to sex. No goodies to be had, so he’s off.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Don’t waste your precious time trying to figure this out.June 25, 2018 at 4:24 pm #709651
Im with Jenny,
I don’t think she was ever an “ex”. It’s mighty funny how you wasn’t able to go around friends or his place, which lets me believe he was still WITH her and she may even lived there at his place or frequented his place alot to where she’d “pop” up at any time. I think when they argued is when he’d be in touch with you. It’s super easy to get away with things like that. I’m sure he will be in touch with you again but definitely don’t give him another chance. He doesn’t deserve it.
Quick question, how did you find out he was seeing her around the time he was talking with you in January?June 25, 2018 at 4:36 pm #709658
I am with the others, I don’t think she is the real ex. I think she is still in the picture and he is cheating.
He ghosted you knowingly, after talking about it and knowing that you’d be upset, do not take him back. There are no excuses for this, I agree with anon.
You liked him but you really didn’t know him. As soon as you said no to sex, he ghosted. Look at the actions, not at what he said.
I think chances are very high that he’d be back, and I agree with everyone who says you’d be very foolish to take him back.
Instead of sending him best wishes you should have told him that you thought he was a man with dignity and character but he is just a spineless wanker.June 25, 2018 at 4:44 pm #709661
And kudos to Josie for demonstrating why you do not sleep with guys until you know you are in a committed relationship. Because this would have been a lot more painful had you slept with him.June 25, 2018 at 4:46 pm #709662
I completely agree!June 25, 2018 at 7:10 pm #709708
@Penelope – I found her social media account. He said they broke up months before, but they had pictures together through December when they were on trips. She talked about him until the end of February and then it kinda stopped. But one of the photos he had sent me–I didn’t even realize it but her watch was in the photo. Once I saw her social media I knew it was her because of the watch. So that was in early March after our first date.
@Anon – My roommate told me she thinks he would have potentially stayed with me or it would have been harder if we did sleep together. We did other things tho. I think you are right, though. I am sure it would be much harder on me if I gave myself to a man that disappeared after telling me he couldn’t wait to see me one week… then vanished the next week. Very cold hearted.
Thank you ladies for being so sweet to me. This has been so hard on me. <3