One month post "ghost"


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Raven 5 days, 21 hours ago.

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  • #641878 Reply

    Deena

    It’s been over a month now since the last time I heard from my ghost. It still hurts so much. I am trying so hard to move on and do other things but I miss him. I met two men online that I liked and neither of them asked me on a second date or even care to talk to me now.

    I feel so down on myself. I’m tired of being in pain want and feeling like no one likes me. I don’t know what to do. I was seeing a therapist for a few minutes earlier this year but it is expensive and I had to stop going.

    I know everyone already gave me great advice when he first ghosted me so there isn’t much else to say to me. I guess I just need virtual hugs.

    I am embarrassed to admit that I still look at my phone thinking he may reach out but I know it is just my broken heart talking and I don’t hold my breath.

    #641879 Reply

    Deena

    *months not minutes. Although, I could only afford a few minutes with a therapist nowadays! : /

    #641881 Reply

    Sandy

    At least you’re reaching out so you know shouldn’t have high hopes. Take as much time as you need to recover. You can hope, you can check the phone, you can do whatever you need as long as you’re just doing that within yourself and you’re not actually reaching out for him or do things that may hurt yourself. You will be better next month..step by step you will be better. A month is very short!

    It’s ok that the guys you met online didn’t want a second date, not everyone is compatible, it’s not your fault. The guys you met that aren’t right for you makes you a step further to the right guy you will meet. Don’t even “look” for guys, just take it easy and let it happen. It’s ok to stay single, just focus on yourself and enjoy your life. Find something that you enjoy doing and be your fantastic self!! When you’re enjoying your life truly, that’s the time you’re really ready for someone, and the person will appear. Just love yourself more…that’s the key!! Good luck!

    #641885 Reply

    Deena

    Thank you, Sandy. Your kind words and support are appreciated.

    It has taken every ounce of strength and willpower I can muster, but I haven’t reached out since my last text to him over a month ago. All I said was I thought we were, at the very least, friends and I am disappointed he felt it was easier to disappear instead of talking to me about what was going on. 5 months gone just like that as if they never happened. I sometimes wonder if it really DID happen. I have deleted our text thread so that makes it seem like it was all just a figment of my imagination.

    My heart actually hurts at times when I think about him.

    #641889 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Deena I’m sorry you are still sad. Sending hugs. And while I truly believe happiness is a choice, that does not apply to someone with depression.

    I know you can’t afford it right now, but I still think therapy is your best option. If I recall correctly, you were also out of work, how is the job hunt going? That should be your top priority right now.

    And I’m not surprised things went nowhere with your last couple dates. Not because you aren’t a beautiful, wonderful person (I’m sure you are) but because you are not in the right frame of mind to date right now.

    That is not meant as a put down, but to help you see it’s your thoughts that are torpedoing you.

    Negativity, sadness, depression, and low self esteem are like a stink you can smell a mile away. That is why you aren’t getting anywhere in the dating world right now. You really have to fix you and your attitude about yourself, so you can be in the right frame of mind to get back out there.

    Right now you are in a vicious, self defeating cycle. You are in a very bad place emotionally and mentally, so you repel anyone you encounter. Not because you are not worthy of love, but because you are telling yourself that. So these guys hightail it outta there, and that confirms to you that you are unlovable, which is a COMPLETE LIE.

    See how it’s a circle that feeds on itself.

    Thank goodness your ghost hasn’t reached out. If he did, it would only send you deeper into a negative place when he can’t or won’t treat you right. Trust me, his absence is a blessing, because you are in no place to set any healthy boundaries right now.

    I’d like to suggest you read “Keep Your Love On” by Danny Silk. I think you need more than self help books right now, but that one is a good start to distract your mind with something positive.

    You have to work on you right now. To banish all the negativity flowing through the lies of self doubt you keep repeating to yourself. Get to the gym (or just get active), pick up an old hobby, focus on finding a job, and just putting one foot in front of the other each day. Volunteer with those who are less fortunate than you.

    Find 5 (new) things every day to be grateful for. No matter how tiny. Gratitude has a way of reframing how we perceive the world and our place in it.

    We’re rooting for you, but we can’t do it for you. You have to love yourself enough not to give up on YOU. You are worth it!

    #641899 Reply

    Raven

    Take time for You…

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