One month post "ghost"


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This topic contains 18 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sophia 1 month ago.

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  • #641878 Reply

    Deena

    It’s been over a month now since the last time I heard from my ghost. It still hurts so much. I am trying so hard to move on and do other things but I miss him. I met two men online that I liked and neither of them asked me on a second date or even care to talk to me now.

    I feel so down on myself. I’m tired of being in pain want and feeling like no one likes me. I don’t know what to do. I was seeing a therapist for a few minutes earlier this year but it is expensive and I had to stop going.

    I know everyone already gave me great advice when he first ghosted me so there isn’t much else to say to me. I guess I just need virtual hugs.

    I am embarrassed to admit that I still look at my phone thinking he may reach out but I know it is just my broken heart talking and I don’t hold my breath.

    #641879 Reply

    Deena

    *months not minutes. Although, I could only afford a few minutes with a therapist nowadays! : /

    #641881 Reply

    Sandy

    At least you’re reaching out so you know shouldn’t have high hopes. Take as much time as you need to recover. You can hope, you can check the phone, you can do whatever you need as long as you’re just doing that within yourself and you’re not actually reaching out for him or do things that may hurt yourself. You will be better next month..step by step you will be better. A month is very short!

    It’s ok that the guys you met online didn’t want a second date, not everyone is compatible, it’s not your fault. The guys you met that aren’t right for you makes you a step further to the right guy you will meet. Don’t even “look” for guys, just take it easy and let it happen. It’s ok to stay single, just focus on yourself and enjoy your life. Find something that you enjoy doing and be your fantastic self!! When you’re enjoying your life truly, that’s the time you’re really ready for someone, and the person will appear. Just love yourself more…that’s the key!! Good luck!

    #641885 Reply

    Deena

    Thank you, Sandy. Your kind words and support are appreciated.

    It has taken every ounce of strength and willpower I can muster, but I haven’t reached out since my last text to him over a month ago. All I said was I thought we were, at the very least, friends and I am disappointed he felt it was easier to disappear instead of talking to me about what was going on. 5 months gone just like that as if they never happened. I sometimes wonder if it really DID happen. I have deleted our text thread so that makes it seem like it was all just a figment of my imagination.

    My heart actually hurts at times when I think about him.

    #641889 Reply

    Phillygirl

    Deena I’m sorry you are still sad. Sending hugs. And while I truly believe happiness is a choice, that does not apply to someone with depression.

    I know you can’t afford it right now, but I still think therapy is your best option. If I recall correctly, you were also out of work, how is the job hunt going? That should be your top priority right now.

    And I’m not surprised things went nowhere with your last couple dates. Not because you aren’t a beautiful, wonderful person (I’m sure you are) but because you are not in the right frame of mind to date right now.

    That is not meant as a put down, but to help you see it’s your thoughts that are torpedoing you.

    Negativity, sadness, depression, and low self esteem are like a stink you can smell a mile away. That is why you aren’t getting anywhere in the dating world right now. You really have to fix you and your attitude about yourself, so you can be in the right frame of mind to get back out there.

    Right now you are in a vicious, self defeating cycle. You are in a very bad place emotionally and mentally, so you repel anyone you encounter. Not because you are not worthy of love, but because you are telling yourself that. So these guys hightail it outta there, and that confirms to you that you are unlovable, which is a COMPLETE LIE.

    See how it’s a circle that feeds on itself.

    Thank goodness your ghost hasn’t reached out. If he did, it would only send you deeper into a negative place when he can’t or won’t treat you right. Trust me, his absence is a blessing, because you are in no place to set any healthy boundaries right now.

    I’d like to suggest you read “Keep Your Love On” by Danny Silk. I think you need more than self help books right now, but that one is a good start to distract your mind with something positive.

    You have to work on you right now. To banish all the negativity flowing through the lies of self doubt you keep repeating to yourself. Get to the gym (or just get active), pick up an old hobby, focus on finding a job, and just putting one foot in front of the other each day. Volunteer with those who are less fortunate than you.

    Find 5 (new) things every day to be grateful for. No matter how tiny. Gratitude has a way of reframing how we perceive the world and our place in it.

    We’re rooting for you, but we can’t do it for you. You have to love yourself enough not to give up on YOU. You are worth it!

    #641899 Reply

    Raven

    Take time for You…

    #644026 Reply

    robin

    awwww Deena I am so sorry, I feel you girl. I had recently reconnected with an ex for a month, we literally texted every day, had marathon phone conversations and planned to meet up, but it never happened and he faded away. the only thing I am glad about is that we never did, because I would be hurting so much more. it still hurts me but I guarantee you will get better with time. I am still in guys are d*cks mode but TIME HEALS WOUNDS! I promise. hang in there 😉

    #644042 Reply

    Jess

    He sounds like, and I could be wrong, a sociopath. Look up on Google the traits that belong to a sociopath in dating. You might find he shares some, or all, of them. If he does, you will finally understand what went wrong (it’s not you. The problem is always them) and get over him quicker. You will get your “lightbulb” moment. Once sociopaths get their “supply” from you and don’t need anymore, they move on to the next person. There’s a lot of sociopaths/narcissists out there looking for victims!!

    #644066 Reply

    robin

    how is he a sociopath? she didn’t give any detail about him except that he ghosted her lol

    #647558 Reply

    Jyne

    I am in a similar situation as you except mine has been less time and he still texts occasionally and we haven’t hung out in awhile. During the non texting stages, it was almost two weeks, I was not in a good mental state and thinking similar thoughts as you. I found a few songs that helped me get through tough patches. God Blessed the Broken road by Rascal Flatts and Cryin aint dying by Tracy Lawerence, a quote from that song is “You’ll learn to live again cause crying aint dyin” I replaced the live with love and it really helped me.

    #648546 Reply

    Teo

    Dont cry over them. It happened to me so many times i cant even count. And then I met a guy who i tought i was dating for a month, he promised me the moon and the stars… until i slept with him and then he evaporated… he knew about my past ghosts and still did that….
    So it could be much worse haha. You will find new guys and there will be one who will stay around 🙂

    #648621 Reply

    Anon

    Come up with new strategy to combat these challenges

    Lol… research, talk , read and reflect will get you to better place

    Most importantly, men are not the solutions of your life. You create a beautiful one for your self and whoever wants to join up

    #648635 Reply

    Anon62

    Don’t waste your time answering this one. She’s been shagging him the for past month, according to her latest post How Do I Respond To I Love To Make Love To You.

    #648659 Reply

    Keychou

    Hi Im sorry. Ido know how you could feel bc Im in the same situation. We didnt even break up in good terms. But he went on holidays and said that he would like to share all the experiences he has been having “when he comes back”. It was one month ago. And Its hard if we do feel for the other one. Even harder if you know that its probably never going to work.
    Iknow that he will come back. Yours might come back. But if someone can stay one month without talking to you or even asking news, it would be nonsense to go back with them.
    Would you go back with him?

    #649198 Reply

    Deena

    I still wonder why he ghosted on me. No, we weren’t “official” after almost 5 months. I admit that it was my fault for letting it go so long without telling him how I feel. But does not being official give him the clearance to juat disappear without a trace? Because we didn’t have a label, does that mean I am not deserving of a goodbye?

    I am trying to keep myself busy, build myself up and move on but my ghost still haunts me. Not by his physical presence but in my thoughts. It has been over two months now since he vanished. Not a peep from him and I have not reached out to him, either. The pain has subsided somewhat but it is still there.

    Will I ever be able to think of him and NOT tear up about his absence or feeling like my shortcomings somehow caused this?

    I hope to be be free from this someday…

    #649199 Reply

    Anon

    I think you may either be hopeless or depressed

    Other parts of the world – women has little provided or status

    You are sitting on a guy who ghosted you , was not even a significant man.

    Sorry, I don’t know what kind of value you put out for yourself

    #649224 Reply

    Deena

    I’m not sure what you are saying here, Anon. Although, yes, I do feel depressed and hopeless at times.

    #649264 Reply

    Sophia

    You will get over him. You had a full left before you ever knew of his existence. Remember that. He’s just a guy. He’s not your last guy. Keep moving forward. Everything’s gonna be alright. 💛

    #649266 Reply

    Sophia

    *life, not left. Oops!

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