This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Honeypie 3 months, 1 week ago.
February 12, 2018 at 6:55 pm #683338
This is going to be long so please bear with me.
I started to this new job three months ago and thought my boss was awesome until this weekend.
I attended a colleague’s wedding out of town this weekend with other people from work. My boss was there with his gf who turns out was my ex whom I broke up with a year ago.
I knew my boss was bringing her but I had no idea she’s someone from my past until we all met at the airport because we were taking the same flight to the wedding destination. I almost didn’t board that flight but I thought it was too late to even make an excuse not to go.
I heard snippets about her from my boss when we have casual conversations and even then I can’t help but feel he’s describing someone I used to know. But it’s a big world so I brushed off the idea that she could be my ex and I didn’t ask too many things about her for fear that he might think I’m seeking too much info about his lady.
Anyway, there was the wedding at the weekend. I tried hard to act normal around her and she was polite but I can sense that she’s avoiding me. At first I thought she was just being respectful to my boss until I was able to speak to her at one point when nearly everyone was wasted and discovered that she knew about all of my cheating when we were together. She told me that months after we broke up, one of her friends told her that the guy her friend was dating met one of the girls I cheated on her with when we’re together, tried to put the girl’s stories together and realized who I was, etc. She said she was disappointed after finding this out and want her out of her life for good that’s why she never returned any of my messages and call.
Just a back story of when we were together, this woman was the most amazing thing but I was special kind of stupid then and cheated on her with several women. She didn’t know about any of them when we’re together for 6 months. When I broke up with her she was respectful and accepted it. Months passed and I realized my mistakes and I tried to win her back but she never responded to my messages or answered my calls. I thought she disappeared forever and I was quite broken hearted and miserable.
I am still broken hearted and miserable but to add to that she’s dating my new boss. They’re both really good people and deserve each other but I want her back so bad.
I don’t know if I should quit my job and work on regaining her trust or quit and leave them alone. I don’t really want to leave my job but seeing my boss this morning was pretty hard. I don’t know how long I will last. Please help.
February 12, 2018 at 7:52 pm #683344
..several women in 6 months. sorry buddy you’d get no help from me. LOL . Why not go cheat on someone? This clearly makes you feel good. I think karma played out nicely here. She got a much better guy, with a better career too, and you…well…you can always go on with cheating, this makes you feel like a man, if nothing else works.February 12, 2018 at 8:27 pm #683348
Is that real? Sounds a bit too much like Beyonce’s ‘best thing I never had’ (from the ex perspective, of course)
If it is, then of course, you don’t leave your job. you move on with personal life, suck it up that you have to be seeing your boss… she’s your past, once you accept it, it won’t be bothering you that much. hold on to the good job you have, move on with your life. try to respect both your boss and your ex (by not trying to mess with their realtionship as I have a feeling you would like to), and any discomfort that this gives you treat as a life lesson.February 13, 2018 at 12:48 am #683363
Yeah.. go find other job and career, makes sense to me You broke up a year ago? And are upset because you went to her wedding? Get over yourself.. therapy, get a male lover, a prostitute, a girl or guy at the bar…February 13, 2018 at 3:58 am #683402
Thank you for the perspective, Shoshannah. I appreciate it.February 13, 2018 at 4:08 am #683404
I’m not being funny but she’s now with a man who presumably treats her much better than you did, has never dumped her and is more successful. I don’t think you have a chance of getting her back. She never even responded to you last time you got in touch with her.
Forget her and move on. Just take away a couple of lessons from this…if you dump someone, the chances are they won’t let you change your mind. I wouldn’t. If someone dumps me, I don’t look back.
Secondly, appreciate what you have. Sometimes it’s hard to do when you have it and you only realise what you lost when it’s gone.February 13, 2018 at 4:21 am #683406
You sound like your ego is very bruised, nothing more. You want what you can’t have here. You treated her very badly indeed, very badly. When you realised that the way you choose to conduct relationships brought you nothing but shallowness and dissatisfaction, you reached out to the person who you treated so badly thinking she’d still be there waiting around for you. But she wasn’t, she had licked her wounds and moved on. Good for her! She deserved to. You really needed to learn this lesson.
Leave her and her new love alone- you would only be trying to get her back to ease your ego- stop it. Don’t be so selfish. Go find yourself someone who you can show you’ve learnt your lesson to, she is from your past now don’t try and make her some conquest to validate you.February 13, 2018 at 4:44 am #683408
Hanna and Honeypie, I understand where you are coming from and I deserve it to get it. I treated her poorly, when all she ever did was do amazing things for herself, for me and for us when we were together.
She’s the kindest, most altruistic person I have ever met. Being beautiful and funny and intelligent are just bonuses.
And yes, I was shallow then and really, the whole cheating was more an ego stroke than not appreciating her as a person. But I learned my lesson that chasing the wrong things leave you with no room for the right things o enter or stay in your life. It’s a horrible feeling. I genuinely want to show her I have grown up and that’s why I tried reaching out to her before I moved to this new job.
At the wedding, when we spoke, she listened to everything I said when I explained the whole cheating part. She didn’t say anything other than she’s disappointed if the story was true. I so badly want to hear her say what she feels about me now. I’m a changed man and she’s who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I guess it’s too late.February 13, 2018 at 8:54 am #683417
I have the 2 most amazing words for you:
Divine justice!February 13, 2018 at 9:25 am #683418
This is so typical.February 13, 2018 at 9:28 am #683419
Yes, Jo, agreed! It could hardly get any better.
OP, I do think you’re sincere now in your regret–but yeah, too little, too late. And it will hopefully inform you for next time.February 13, 2018 at 10:36 am #683436
You missed out. She sounds like a gracious gem. Your best hope is she doesn’t tell her now boyfriend about your past…if she does, you deserve the karma.
To answer your question, move on like she did. She’s happy now after you made her super unhappy. Be glad someone is doing for her what you failed to do.February 13, 2018 at 12:07 pm #683449
You really seem to hold yourself in high esteem my friend, that you consider she wants to listen to you or that she would consider a relationship with you again. You remain selfish and thoughtless, and lacking consideration of her… I’m not convinced you’ve changed all given this.
She doesn’t have to TELL you how she feels… she’s showing you. Now listen to what she’s showing… she’s not wanting you.
It feels a huge ego bruising… nothing more