My partner has pictures of his ex should I be worried?

When did they break up? How long were they together? And how long have you two been together?

Hmm…if they broke up almost a year ago, it seems like he should have had time to clear out some of the pics. Why did they break up? Does he give other signs that he isn’t over her? Did you have to do some digging to find these things, or were they all out in the open?

I thought he would of had the time to as well, he hasn’t give me any other signs, they are actually lying around I didn’t have to do much digging at all…, they broke up cause he said it’s not what he wanted and he didn’t want to marry her, I’m thinking about letting him have space to process and see what it’s like to be single I don’t think he knows

If they were out in plain sight, I think it might be worth having a direct conversation with him and asking him where he’s at. You could just explain that you saw all of these things, and that it has made you wonder if he has fully moved on from that relationship. Explain that you are willing to give him space if he needs it, but that you need to know where you stand. You don’t want to waste more time if he is not over her. Take some time for yourself to figure out if you are comfortable with this. I’m sorry you had to see all that.

Thank boog you have been great help! I’ve already messaged him to talk later!, and Vanessa I understand he has a past etc but he shouldn’t have it lying around for me to see it’s hurtful, he knows I’m insecure and he still does that… I just don’t want to be a time passer

He knows you’re insecure? Well, that’s a whole other issue then and this situation won’t help you in his eyes. Rushing into a relationship with you may be one thing, but I wouldn’t use the pictures as sign on it’s own that he’s not over her.

And regarding the having the pictures out in plain view, guys don’t think like we do! He probably isn’t even aware or think it’s a big deal. If he was really trying to hide something because he’s not over her, then they would be hidden. And by the way, you found them on HIS computer. You obviously had to go into his pictures folder. You should’ve stuck with the internet. And you found the others by “cleaning” so they weren’t out in plain sight. If they were, you would’ve found something before 8 months.

And you really messaged him to tell him you had to talk? Poor guy. Why not just bring it up when y’all are together instead of already starting the dramatics? This is what he will think, “I took this girl to meet my parents and she’s still doubting me? I can’t make her happy.” And then slowly he’ll start checking out and you’ll blame it on the fact that he’s not over his ex. You need to look at your relationship overall. If then you think you’re just a time passer, then you can move on. Stop looking for other clues that you’re not worthy of his love because of your insecurities. Maybe you do need to be single, like you said, and work on that before you try to date.

I still have holiday pics and stuff of the ex who I have no feelings for. I don’t think it means anything. I keep the pics because they are memories of nice times and places I visited. Not cos the ex is in them. Men aren’t very nostalgic anyway, he prob just hant got round to clearing them away. x

Kimberley, different people may feel differently about exes pictures but I feel if it bothers you, you should address it sooner than later. I’ve noticed if we don’t address things that bother us with the concerned people, the issues continue to fester in our heads and could indirectly manifest negatively within the relationship. Nip it in the bid.

If he’s a reasonable person and you are gentle in your tone (he shouldn’t feel attacked), he should understand your concern. If he loves you and doesn’t care about his ex, he will get rid of the pics and you will get your peace of mind. I would expect the same from my man. I wouldn’t want his exes pictures around.

From my own perspective, as a human, how I function, I always have pics of the ex. When I break up with someone, I want no contact, so I don’t want to look at the pics to clean them away or throw them out. Once I’m over him, I don’t care anymore so I just leave the pics wherever they are. Now I’m not a pic hanger so that means they’re mainly just on my phone /pc etc. But it doesn’t mean anything, I just got over him enough to stop caring if there are pics or not.

Are Kelsey and Kimberley the same person? If so it sounds like you’ve already brought this up numerous times. You’ve told him it makes you uncomfortable and it bothers you. If you keep bringing it up yes you will risk him being bitter and resentful.

And it doesn’t sound like these were out in the open at all! They are on his laptop and his camera. It’s one thing if he has her pictures in frames sitting around his place but that’s not the case here. You really need to work on your insecurities and not push them off on him. At a certain age every guy you are going to meet is going to have a past and ex girlfriends/fiances. It’s part of life.

If you keep telling yourself that it’s just the past and you’re his present and future then why are you letting it hurt you? He is choosing you and choosing to be with you. Why does that make you feel not good enough? You don’t want to be her because he broke up with her and didn’t want to marry her! But you can’t erase history. She was what he wanted at one time and you can either learn to live with that and work on your insecurities or you’re never going to have a successful relationship.

Let me tell you a personal story. I saw hundreds of pictures on my boyfriend’s phone of his ex. There were selfies, pictures of them on vacation, pictures he took of just her posing and acting silly. We didn’t do that. We don’t take selfies and when we went on vacation he doesn’t take a bunch of pictures of me or us together. I’ve never been that girl and it’s just not something I’ve ever done. I never told him I saw the pictures but it was really bothering me. Did he think she was more beautiful than me? Was she thinner than me, did she have a better body than me, was he more in love with her and so on and so forth until I was obsessed about it. I would creep on her Facebook page to look at her pictures. It really got out of hand the amount of time I allowed myself to dwell on it.

But I came on here and everyone told me that was the past, that all relationships are different and he was in love with me and saw a future with me. I never brought it up to him. I focused on our relationship and how amazing it was and I decided to never look back. I worked on my insecurities about it and focused on what made me so amazing that he saw the rest of his life with me. Now I’m married to that amazing guy!! But if I had been jealous, insecure and made him delete or throw away those pictures he probably would have resented me for it and realized I wasn’t the kind of woman he wanted to marry. He had already told me about jealous, insecure exes before and that’s actually why he broke things off with some of his exes.

I was married for 24 years and have lots of pictures of my ex husband. They are not in plain sight but some are on my computer. I have no desire to delete all of them or those memories and especially not those with our children or us as a family. My children will want to see those memories. He understands that and would never ask me to do it. It’s a matter of trust and respect. Enjoy your relationship, work on your insecurities and stop digging around trying to find stuff!!

Because, his socks long for her…