My long time boyfriend is moving away with or without me

Hi Jade reading you’re post is just seems full of contradictions about this guy. You say he treats you well and have a deep love but he doesn’t seem supportive at all. Not of your business you’ve obviously worked hard to build, you’re wishes regarding where you want to live or the fact you’re dealing with your dads serious injury. I would question not just his lack of support but that from what you’ve written it all seems on his terms and it appears he is very selfish. Can you give any details of how he treats you well or how you feel he is positive to you as that seems very vague where as the red flags seem very clear? I know its hard when you’ve been with someone a long time to imagine being with out them but if I was you from what you have described I would be asking myself what am I sacraficing in terms of my dreams, goals, happiness and what am I getting in return. It seems like he expects you to give up a lot without any expectations on him in terms of treating you in a kind and decent way.

And I know he really loves me.

He can keep his job here, it’s the same job but he won’t go as far in it. So his salary won’t move up as much.

He’s doesnt make me feel guilty. He understands if I don’t want to go.
He never puts demands on me, isn’t jealous, never asked me to drop a friend. Always spends money on me. Takes me out. He treats well

He isn’t demanding I go, he said he would like me to and knows we would work out but he’s taking the job regardless what I decide.

I understand its a good job for him but I am struggling to understand why he would take that over you’re long term relationship and future if he is fully committed. I just can’t imagine leaving my parter in those circumstances or him me. I think you would have a discussion about it yes and weigh up the pros and cons for BOTH of you and make a decision that meets both your needs for happiness. It just seems like he is giving you an ultimatum- give up your life or break up? How is that fair? Has he had any discussion or consideration of what is good for you in this? If he wants a better job why does that mean leaving you and your relationship. In my opinion it shouldn’t. I’m sorry but it seems to me like he is either completely selfish of you or looking for a way out of the relationship.

Have you had any counselling regarding the std and the impact on you? I say this as I imagine unresolved issues or fears are going to cloud your ability to make any positive decisions for yourself not based on fear of future rejection and/or being alone.

Jade tough situation. Hard choice.

The only things I can tell you are that age and herpès are not a problem to start a new relationship, meet people.
Those are fears that you have. 34 is young and people older than you meet their life partners. Herpes must be annoying but it s not HIV. Plus, it s not your fault if you had it. I can’t blame neither your bf. This happens.

And I think the only things that you need to figure out are do you love your bf/do you want this relationship/can you move your business… Apparently, you can’t move your business because your own parents live on it for the moment. He wants to move for his job, it s his right, his life.

Maybe when you father will be ok, he will get a job and maybe your mother can find another one.
Or maybe you will want to stay where you are.

I think Harley’s idea of LDR is good. You can start like this and see how you feel/what you both truly want. Then decide.
If it s meant to be it will be.

Sorry Jade that you feel heartbroken.

I thinkyou would need a little bit of time to figure out what you really want.

I can’t take a decision for you.

I don’t understand as you say it how he can move from everyone as easily (or at least as it seems), only him knows. Have you talked about it with him? Maybe he is looking for an adventure.

I may get the unpopular opinion vote here. But I’m going to be honest.

Nothing stopped you two from getting married unless you didn’t have the money (which I doubt) to go sign a marriage license. The rings and everything else aren’t necessary. If you two really wanted to get married it would have happened. The on and off again relationship are signs that both of you are never really on the same page. Which is exactly what’s going on now.

I don’t think him wanting to move to take a job that will give him more money is a crime. I don’t know how he’s ‘selfish’ for wanting a better life for himself. You don’t build your life around someone else; you, YOURSELF, have to have your own plan because incase nobody has noticed… life usually never goes the way you planned. There are numerous articles on here about how men need to feel like “winners” in their life before they can settle down and this is exactly what is going on. Relationships are successful when the timing is right for BOTH parties, not one. He never told her “don’t come”. He told her that he wants her to go with him but if she doesn’t he is still going regardless. Anything else is just speculation and not concrete words that came from him.

Jade you have to understand that it’s life and he has the right to do as he pleases. If the relationship doesn’t survive the distance then you have your answer for whether or not he’s the one. This is what’s terrible about prolonged on and off relationships.. you’ve been with them for so long the thought of being out with them is scary that you’ll stick in a situation that isn’t satisfying you. Herpes isn’t a deal breaker.. considering many people have it.

Good luck.

Thanks for y’all’s replies, really helps.

He’s out of town on business right now so I only been talking over the phone with him.

He told me today , he thinks we should go and that we could grow together.
That he won’t be making good money right away maybe not till years down the road. He’s not sure what will happen. That he doesn’t understand why I can’t keep my biz in My hometown and have my mom run it and since its a mainly online biz, do work from wherever we go. I told him that wasn’t feasible as much as i wish it was and he just said where there is a will there is a way.

He said well what should we do then?

I told him I didn’t know, maybe talk in person. That I didn’t feel moving and leaving everything behind was in my best interest since we aren’t even engage/married or have any future plans of it. That I really do want to be with only him.
Im starting to think he doesn’t care if I come or not. I don’t think in his mind, he thinks he could ever lose me.

I’m also not wanting to hold him back from anything he wants, I just want to see him happy more than anything.

I’m really trying to decide if I should break things off now or see how they will play out. Either way I know I will be crushed.

Please share what happened? I hope everything is going the best possible.

I was about to respond then I happen to look at the date……………………@Raven, yea thiss is a 2yr old post.

LMAO.I think she figured it out by now one way or the other.