My ex broke up with me because he was unhappy. How can I win him back?


Home Forums How To Get My Ex Back My ex broke up with me because he was unhappy. How can I win him back?

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  • #514878 Reply
    Ann

    My boyfriend (25) and I (24) broke up about a week ago. We had been in a relationship for almost a year and a half. We started going out during his first semester in law school. He was interested in me first but we remained friends and a few months later I started having feelings for him.

    Our relationship was great for the first few months. We have a lot of things in common and are just very compatible. We enjoyed doing the same things, eating the same things and laughing at the same jokes. I was his first girlfriend and he lost his virginity to me.

    A couple of months into our relationship my dad had an accident which left him hospitalized. During that time I became extra bitter and difficult. We started having problems and fighting all the time to the point that we almost broke up but didn’t. He told me that he didn’t want to end things but that the fighting was pushing him away. I worked on that and just started letting petty things go and the fighting stopped.

    After that our relationship became rocky. He wasn’t as affectionate as before and I always feared he would end things at any moment. From time to time he would tell me that he had this unhappy feeling and that he didn’t feel as happy as he did when we first started going out. I tried talking to him about it but it kept getting swept under the rug.

    Last week after dinner and a movie I could tell something was wrong. I asked him and eventually he told me that it’s about us, that he’s been feeling unhappy and that he wanted to take a break. With tears in his eyes, he said that it’s really hard for him but it’s the best right now. After that we shared many hugs and our last kiss and he left.

    I gave him some space for a few days and contacted him after a week. Eventually we got to talking about us and he told me that breaking up with me wasn’t easy but he did it because he wasn’t feeling as happy as he did in the beginning of our relationship and he felt like he couldn’t be 100% invested in it like before. Law school also played a big role in it too. He also said that he noticed small things like that I would be more excited to see him than he was to see me. He said he still wanted to be friends with me and looks forward to our friendship because he truly values it and hopefully eventually be able to hang out. He told me he still loves me as a friend but just doesn’t have romantic feelings anymore and that I will always hold a special place in his heart.

    This has crushed me to the core. I still am in love with him and it hurts that he doesn’t feel the same anymore. I want to know if there is any hope that he will fall back in love with me? I know with all my heart this was the guy for me and I let him slip out of my hands. How do I win him back?

    #514880 Reply
    Jules

    Ann, I’m sorry to say but I think this is done.

    In order for a relationship to be repaired BOTH people have to want it.

    This wasn’t a snap decision he made. He thought about it and came to the conclusion that you two weren’t right together. He was honest with you, he wasn’t happy in the relationship any longer and he lost romantic feelings for you. Those are valid reasons to end a relationship.

    Right now you’re trying to grasp at anything in order to make this breakup not true. Don’t make the mistake of waiting months and months in hopes he will contact you. He’s moving on and you need to do the same.

    #514887 Reply
    redcurleysue

    I am also sorry that this man really thought about this and said, “no”.

    Have the respect for him that no is no.

    Grieve the loss, let go, and then move on.

    I am so sorry.

    #515065 Reply
    Lorelai

    Ann

    Let us analyse the facts.

    He broke up with you because your father had an accident and you are busy with law school?!

    Tears in his eyes and the cheap bla bla instead of manning up to be there for you are so useless and so not attractive.

    Think about what you need. Certainly not a boy who runs away at the first sign of difficulty. Life is not always pink and he should have been sitting by your side during this hard time with your father!!! I cannot underline this enough.

    You are better off. You are lucky you got rid of him!

    #674022 Reply
    Blake

    First off, I want to say my ex and I had a wonderful relationship. We were best friends. We planned on being together ‘forever.’ We had fights, just like any other couple. We would discuss our problems and work through them. Recently, our communication was poorly. We started fighting more and more. Out of nowhere, my ex told me he felt like our relationship wasn’t going to work anymore. He told me he was unhappy for awhile. I never knew that because he didn’t tell me. He wasn’t distant either. He blamed me. I wasn’t the best girlfriend, I admit. My attitude wasn’t good at all. That’s why we fought. Now I realize how I acted and I have apologized to him, but he isn’t having it. During the break up, he said “I need a break. I need to focus on myself. Whenever you want to change, let me know.” I told him that I completely understand. I would change my attitude and work on things. He wasn’t having it. I was devastated and immediately told him I would change because I didn’t want to lose the person I loved dearly. I told him everything. I told him I couldn’t imagine losing him, basically begging for him not to leave. He still wasn’t having it. Currently, I’m giving him space. I haven’t messaged him, even though I’m dying to. Im just so upset and shocked. We loved each other. He broke up with me 5 days before Christmas! I never thought he would leave me over something that can be fixed. We always fixed things until now. Im just praying he would message me and apologize for leaving me.
    I hope that’s enough information. Thank you in advance.

    #674024 Reply
    Amy

    He broke up with you because he doesn’t want to be with you. Let go of the hope that you will get back together. Move on; you will be much happier than wasting your time and energy on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

    #674026 Reply
    Emma

    Ann, you were his FIRST woman. A man these days will never settle for one woman. To them it means a great deal to be with multiple women before marriage. These days especially, with all the hookups everywhere, they will feel like half men if they didn’t have at least several women before marriage. They are brainwashed to measure their worth in these terms.

    The truth is that you can meet the first woman and it can be your best one. But you’d discover it only having tried many others.

    Your BF is not going to be with you in the same way as you guys started out. He wants to be “friends” which means you’d end up his FWB. While he was looking for a new romance.

    You need to face the situation, he is not going to stay with you, you are his first woman, let him go. Do not waste your time.

    If you can’t give up, at least understand that if you keep contacting him he will not have a chance to miss you. his ego will be sky high, he’d be happy you chase him and this will give him a boost to chase new women. The only way he’d miss you if you disappear from his life completely, do not give him a piece of you in any shape or form, not even social media. He must not have any chance to satiate his longing for you. And he will have those loingings, he is human. So if you want him to miss you, you must stay away.

    I am saying all this, knowing 100% you will not. At least this is a throw away case, so if you want to learn all your lessons with his guy, then maybe it is not a bad thing. LOL

    #674031 Reply
    Hannah

    Blake the trouble with posting on someone else’s post is a lot of people respond to the original post, not yours.

    What is it you need to change? Quite honestly, it’s very difficult to truly change. I think your ex realises that. If you’ve been the same thriugh the whole relatìonahip, he probably thinks you’ll be the same in the future too.

    #674034 Reply
    Hmm

    I looked a lot into these kinds of situation for the past few days. One of which works for many people is the “30 days no-contact rule”. Basically, don’t contact him, stalk him, or whatever involve him for a month. It may be hard, but as weeks go by, you will have time to heal yourself, and he will heal too. Just enjoy life with friends and distract yourself by going to the mall, movie, play a sport, or whatever activity you see fit.

    He may start thinking what you’re up to, and why you haven’t contacted him. In this sense, it is possible that he will miss you. If he doesn’t text you back after 30 days or more, then text him. Say something that he likes. For example, let’s say that he likes Starbucks. Text him something like: “I was at Starbuck the other day and it reminds me of you”. He’ll realize that you’re thinking of you.

    I think one thing that pulled him away is your negative actions: fighting. Boys preferred women to be positive, and they’re more likely to be attracted to those woman. Now, I’m not saying your attitude is ad, but to get him back, remember what makes him like you in the first place? What were your attitude back then? Why was he attracted to you in the first place? See your mistake so that you can stop things from happening again. But… it may not be you, maybe it’s him.

    Good luck!

    #674041 Reply
    Amanda

    This Op is over a year old. Blake make your own thread by going to forums at the top of the page.

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