This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 2 months, 4 weeks ago.
April 20, 2017 at 11:39 am #620481
I’ve read posts here and have implemented good advice in my relationship.Now my brother is a disaster. He is 37 years old divorced, has a daughter who lives with his ex wife.My brother started dating this girl from the gym he goes to. In the first few weeks they were good, my brother seemed very happy and they made a beautiful couple. But all of a sudden jealousy hit his gf and things started going downhill. Now as lon as I know my brother he is a one woman kinda guy. He works in real estate so has a lot of clients and lots of brokers and fellow real estate agents who are women. Beautiful women, single women, married women but flirty and all. Now my brother’s gf gets jealous of every living female alive. They have had massive fights and have been fighting every other day. One day I went to his condo and saw there was a hole in his wall. On asking he mentioned, he punched the wall because they were having a fight over him using his phone while his gf went to bed. My brother is putting up with this because he loves her and thinks that if he can get rid of her insecurities everything will be fine. He says she is a good woman if this trait of her changes but I am not sure if this insecurity can ever go. My brother has to do business with women too but because of this insecurity he is avoiding any contact with women.
I know he is 37 years old and he can make his own decisions but I feel like he is going to ruin himself by trying to save this relationship. He already seems depressed and very angry all the time and that isn’t his personality.
How can I help my brother? how can I knock some sense in his head or his gf’s head or should I just leave them alone and mind my own business?April 20, 2017 at 11:50 am #620482
you can’t. I understand your concern, but YOU CANT HELP HIM. If anything, if you say something you will just drive a wedge between you and your brother, and make him more devoted to her. Trust me.
If he ever ASKS for your opinion, you can carefully give it to him. Otherwise, butt out. I know your heart is very much in the right place but it will backfire.
He’s a grown-ass man and he will have to learn for himself, the hard way.April 20, 2017 at 11:52 am #620483
Your brother punched a hole in the wall? Maybe he’s the crazy one.April 20, 2017 at 11:53 am #620484
If your brother punched a wall during an argument, he’s got bigger problems than her.
Stay out of this.April 20, 2017 at 11:55 am #620486
Oh trust me L… one time they were over at my place and I guess she was arguing with him. Non stop argument in a low voice and it was getting pretty annoying for us too and I can only imagine what she does behind the doors. I know my brother took her to a nice date night and couldn’t get a reservation to a nicer place but ended up taking her to an average restaurant. She complained about it to everyone, trying to put him down in front of all of us.April 20, 2017 at 11:59 am #620489
Your brother has issues as much as she does.
It’s not your business. Some couples thrive on drama. One of two things will happen. One of them will end up in jail for domestic abuse or they will get tired of the drama and move on.
No one is asking for your help.April 20, 2017 at 12:10 pm #620491
Your brother obviously has issues too. I think they are both a mess. If someone EVER badmouths my family, especially in a public setting, they will have their a$$ handed to them. I would (as well as the rest of my family) put her in her place then and there. She would have shut her mouth, apologized, or been asked to leave. Period.
Your brother is no better for putting up with this. He can’t change her, and you can’t change him. I would just limit my time around him when she’s around. I would basically stay away from her and let him figure it out.
He’s a grown man with a kid. He needs to grow up and act like one. Neither he or his GF are good role models for his child, and I hope he never brings her around his kid.
Cuckoo!!April 21, 2017 at 7:31 am #620677
Well, the fact that he punched a hole in the wall shows that he’s a mess too and has issues of his own. Anger issues, clearly. That is not okay.April 21, 2017 at 7:37 am #620679
My brother is in a similar situation where he is dating this girl that is not good enough for him and she physically abuses him. They have a horrible relationship but no matter how hard me and my mom try to show and tell him she is horrible and other things he chooses to still be with her. There is nothing you can do but wait and let it play out on its own unfortunately. Just hope he will come to his senses one of these days. And I agree with the others. There is something wrong with him too for staying with her so dont just blame the gf.April 21, 2017 at 10:28 am #620700
He has left her many times and then she calls him cries and he runs back to him. They’ve broken up several times now sometimes for couple of months in their one and a half year long relationship. It is disturbing for me as I don’t want to see her but she comes along my brother to our family dinners and all. UghhhApril 21, 2017 at 11:07 am #620701
I can relate. I don’t like either of my sister’s boyfriends for what I feel are legitimate reasons, but sometimes you have to make nice and put a smile on for the sake of family harmony. The alternative is either you or your brother stops attending family gatherings.
In this case, I feel that your brother has issues as well. Punching a wall and putting holes into it is a huge red flag…most relationship experts will tell you a man that punches a wall because he’s angry will eventually punch you. Just food for thought. It sounds like he’s just as crazy and it’s possible that they’re feeding off each other’s dysfunction.April 21, 2017 at 11:10 am #620702
This has gone on too long and its affecting the family like a cancer.
I would suggest a “family intervention” with a qualified professional because ALL OF YOU are enabling their behavior by allowing this dysfunctional relationship to continue. I think a professional who can first meet with the family (include hers if possible) and then invite them over to lay it on the table with consequences such as ostracizing her from your family (and his from hers) until such time they can break the cycle of dysfunction through either intensive couples therapy or a permanent break up.
Honestly, I don’t see any other alternative based on how long this vicious cycle has been ongoing.April 21, 2017 at 11:57 am #620708
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. You can try to talk him out of it until you’re blue in the face, & even if he agreed with you completely & knew you were right, he would not leave! I have experience with this only with a friend. He has to want it badly enough to change or he’ll just keep spinning the hamster wheel. It’s maddening but unfortunately all the logic in the world will not reach him (unless or until he’s finally had enough) I’d just keep a healthy distanceApril 21, 2017 at 12:10 pm #620714
Lets not jump to all sorts of conclusions
There is gotta be something in their relationship that prompted her jealousy to this extreme. Most women are not usually jealous for no reason. You don’t know the whole story. He would not have been putting up with such things otherwise. I think he feels guilty.
We don’t know how he punched the wall. Maybe he was alone. The dry wall can be very thin. Not every man who throws objects is going to be physically abusive. Men break things out of anger. Animal instincts are strong in them. It appears pathetic to us women because our emotional intelligence is higher when it comes to dealing with conflict, but the fact remains that men break things, throw objects, punch stationary objects, etc.
Something went very wrong for your brother and his GF at some point, you can’t fix it. They will eventually break up, I think we would all agree with that. But you can’t do anything about it except be patient and wait.April 21, 2017 at 12:15 pm #620716
Some couples thrive on drama…it keeps them hooked.
He’s a grown man, he’s aware of the craziness..but he is STILL with her.
Leave this one alone…if you cause a sudden breakup..chances are they will only get back together anyway, but your brother will also probably resent you..
You have to let it play out, no matter how painful it is to standby and watch.
Some people need to hit rock bottom ,before they come to their senses and see the lightApril 21, 2017 at 12:21 pm #620719
You can’t change what he does, but you and your family can AND SHOULD set boundaries on what you will permit when you are all together. They should both be told that kind of behavior is unwelcome and will not be tolerated.
Then, when the nonsense starts, ask her (or both of them) to leave.April 21, 2017 at 12:36 pm #620722
Never make excuses for violence…