My BFF met a guy on match & 2nd date is a vacation with a guy after 3 weeks


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This topic contains 14 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Maggie 1 week ago.

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  • #711995 Reply

    Needadvice

    I am dealing with this with my best friend. She met this guy on Match.com and had a 9 hours date (first dinner, then starbucks and his car) she said he was a complete gentlemen and didn’t do anything. He asked a few days later for a second date (3 weeks later) and the second date is a WEEK VACATION to Disney World. I was seriously angry and my worry level shoot up to overheat. She should pace her self with this guy but shes moving FAST. She hardly know who he is and his behavior now to her is (THE PERFECT GENTLEMEN-LIKE).

    Anyway fast forward, he promised her it will be a two bedroom suites and she will get a different room BUT unfortunately, due to overbooking, he only have ONE ROOM. My friend cannot see this straight, but this guy is SKETCH! There’s something about him that really bothers me. He paid for everything, her flight ticket, the hotel and even the meals. He did kiss her on the first day she was there.

    My friend even put me on the back burner a lot since shes been on that vacation. I keep on reminding her to pick up a tab on something and make sure that the expectation is clear (NO SEX). She already withdraw from texting me that much. I can count how many text I am getting from her and of course not 1 of my calls, she will pick up. It’s all based on her convenient. I am heartbroken. To me, she is showing him that he is her priority at the moment (I don’t mind that but all I can think of is my concern and worry – she hardly know this guy) As much as she keep on saying that I and another BFF of hers means the world to her and wouldn’t want to take us for granted, she is showing opposite than what she said.

    She want us to understand that she is busy at the park. Its hard to text and call. I differ. The lines are always long and there’s always coffee breaks or anything to check up on your friend. BUT she doesn’t seem to think its a problem. Shes neglecting our friendship.

    I think she is moving too soon & he is setting the pace for her (too quick too soon) and he is not a perfect gentlemen (asking a girl on vacation after 2 weeks on a vacation) I voiced my concern to her mother and her mother seems to think that I am the problem not the daughter. Every time i voice my frustration and concern, she will say she’s exhausted on listening to this and he is a good guy. “There’s something about him that she cannot put into words”.

    I need to know what a good BFF should do and what your best advise for me is? and what you think of this situation. Do you think he is a perfect gentlemen? do you think she’s moving too fast?



    #711999 Reply

    L

    So you are in love with your lesbian crush?

    #712000 Reply

    Needadvice


    lol no i am.. I am married. But Shes just my BFF for 12 years.

    #712015 Reply

    ana

    the best advice for you is to back off. he sounds dodgy, but she made up her mind, she is not asking you to rescue her. you already expressed your opinion, your concern – that’s all you can do. who knows, maybe you were wrong and he’ll turn out to be a wonderful man? why is her mother in all this too? you shouldn’t be talking about your friend to her mother, it’s you who’s an outsider in this relationship. as for her not picking up the phone and not replying – maybe she is fed up with your criticism. but it may as well be that she really is busy. I never have time (and also, I don’t want to) to be on my phone when I’m on holidays. it’s a time for her to enjoy the beautiful weather and all the attractions. is she is in truoble, she will probably call you, teher is no need for you to be calling her and making sure that she is fine.

    #712028 Reply

    Jenny


    You’ve done everything you can to warn her off doing this and she is choosing to do it anyway. Stop picking at her. Step way back and let this play out. Chances are it will burn out as fast as it started. Or maybe it will go somewhere. It’s her life and she’s going to find out through experience what he really is. I think it’s sounds odd that he said he booked a two bedroom suite and now they are in a one room. A Disney holiday is not cheap, and I agree that’s an awful lot too quickly. But really nothing else you can do.

    #712032 Reply

    umm

    mind your own business. Either you are right or just jealous. But its not your call who she dates. I met a man who took me away on the second date and we were together for years

    #712067 Reply

    Hannah

    I know you’re concerned but you’re coming off as a very controlling friend.

    Why does she have to check in with you all the time while she’s away? She’s having fun and keeping busy. She’s not going to be calling or texting all the time. It doesn’t make her a bad friend, it makes her someone who’s living her life. She’s only going for a week and she is in contact, so she hasn’t abandoned you.

    My best friend had a drama while I was away recently. She wasn’t at all upset it took me a while to get back to her. She understood I was away and preoccupied. I understand when she can’t contact me straight away too. She knows I love her and I know she loves me. There’s no need to be joined at the hip 24/7.

    Also talking to her mother is a bit full-on. She’s an adult and can make her own decisions.

    You’ve voiced your opinion. Now back off before you ruin your friendship.

    #712098 Reply

    Sarah

    I get why you are worried about her but you have to let her make her own mistakes. I agree that it is too fast too soon. Chances are when a relationship is too fast too soon, it won’t last but there’s a chance it will last too. She is making it easy for him on so many levels. Let her be, you’d voiced your opinion on this. You just give her the space and she will reach out to you. If she doesn’t, you know where you stand.

    #712116 Reply

    Maggie

    Yes, your BFF is moving too fast for comfort from my POV.

    But this is her life. Why are you so possessive over her? It’s like shes either your daughter or a lover. Let her live her life. If she messes it up, that’s on her. You expressed your concern. Leave it at that.

    #712115 Reply

    Khadija

    I understand that you are concerned for your friend, I would be too.

    However, I’d suggest backing off. As a friend you voiced your concerns but, its her life to live.

    He may be the right guy for her or a huge mistake but, this is her journey to go down.

    If, you find her love life being a place of frustration for you try to stay out of it going forward.

    Some people may take you as being jealous and controlling if you butt in too much.

    #712130 Reply

    Ali

    I’m going to be blunt here:

    1) She sounds like a completely naive fool to be doing this

    2) You should obsessive, controlling and crazy yourself.

    Indeed, she’s being dumb, but it’s also her life, right? You should like a possessive boyfriend rather than a friend.

    #712154 Reply

    Amy

    You need to mind your own business. What your friend does isn’t your concern.

    #712182 Reply

    Anne

    I’m extremely weirded out that you “KEEP” reminding her to pick up a tab AND reminding her to reminding him, to remind him, “NO SEX.”

    How are you married without realizing adults have sex? Sometimes with strangers for fun at Disney World, even. And, barring some sort of mental handicap/guardianship type situation, they don’t need continuous reminders from the morality police.

    It’s so over the top, I’m not even sure how helpful it would be to address the actual situation, but my take on that is that it sounds fine. A raping murderer probably wouldn’t pick a child themed location in the continental US, where literally every moment is under surveillance. A beach vacation in Mexico, I’d be concerned if it were my friend. All expenses paid to Disney World? That’s freaking adorable. Also WAYYYYYY too much effort for a man just scheming to get laid.

    #712185 Reply

    Raven

    Ask her if you can be a Bridesmaid…

    #712342 Reply

    Maggie


    I think when your friend gets back you need to reevaluate your feelings for her…because truly this reads as more like a lesbian crush than friendship. There isn’t anything wrong with having feelings for a friend, you just have to be honest about all this.

    Cheers.

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