Money Issues w/ Fiance

Raven, LOL… who cares?? This man is major bad news.

RUN. NOW.
RUN. NOW.
RUN. NOW.

If you marry him it’s official and legally binding – his debts will become yours and your money will become his.

Your life will never be the same, and not for the better, if you marry this man. He’s irresponsible with money and lies his ass off and verbally abuses you. There’s nothing “good” that he does that can counterbalance that.

He’s shown you what he’s like. Believe what you see. HE WILL NOT CHANGE after the wedding. Right now is as good as it gets.

I saw a friend go through this a few years ago and it took her an entire five years to recover emotionally and financially. She wishes to God she had listened to everyone who begged her not to marry him. If I told you how much money she lost during their relationship and was then forced to hand over to him in the divorce settlement you’d feel sick.

She was with him five years and with the five years recovery that’s ten years of her life she can’t get back. She’s now in her late thirties and really wants a child so is having a hard time dating because her desperation shows and drives men away. She’s been in therapy for a year and will be for a long time for sure.

PLEASE RUN NOW AND DON’T LOOK BACK NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS OR DOES.

I

I agree with AngieBaby. Also, when you say the money was for his kids… do you mean he “borrowed” money from you to pay his alimony / child support (not rent)? Because, if so, past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior unless someone is actively doing a lot of hard work to make major life changes. He is not. You may be the next ex-wife he still owes money to, trying to get it from his next girlfriend. Be very careful.

And my last comment – my phone signal keeps dropping out while I”m typing – you say he’s generous but I see absolutely no evidence of that.

I’m with AngieBaby.
Pack up and be out by Sunday and never look back.
It’ll be the best Easter ever!

ps – I think he just see’s you as The Bank of Lena.

i walk away if i meet a man who turns to me for financial help. just think hes already asking you for money to pay for his regular expenses which should be his business alone. i think what you have lent your not going to get back. cut your losses short and end this. some posters have given you the reality of how things could turn out for you in the near future based on his present actions, if you still go ahead and marry him. please don’t marry him. walk away. and next time remember. dont get involved with men who seek you out to pay even for their regular expenses. its a biiiig red flag. run fast.

This is why I ask about the length of your relationship…

He has patterns.
Get out now!

You even have to ask, after writing all of that?? You are very obviously and definitely another chick he’s using.

Only someone with extremely low self esteem or co-dependency issues would stay around this man knowing what you know at this stage.

Like I said in my last response I left a man like this. I only stuck around as long as I did because of covid ans losing my job no one would rent to me. So I played nice and stayed until I had a job again. During my time unemployed I was supporting him. He was making 3 times what I made on unemployment and 2 times what I make now but somehow never had any money. I found out he was sending money to an ex who has a kid she claims is his. The man had a vasectomy and she won’t let him have a DNA test. But he was sending her money and gifts. Then I found out he was lending money out to female friends in need. He was borrowing money from me to pay rent that he still hasn’t paid back he cashed a check into my account had me transfer the money and then the check bounced. He told me I was lying ans now won’t pay me back the 1000. He would buy things for himself or buy beer multiple times a week and never think to pay me back for things. Big items like a refrigerator I bought or little things like gas money.

There was so many lies that I can’t even go into them. And then when I did catch him in lies he got aggressive. My man was a perfect boyfriend for a year. The second year we dated. And I lived with him (once again due to covid) he was a nightmare. Make sure you keep doing your homework find out who this man is. And if you find lies. Leave and don’t look back. Mine already had another girl he was playing for the 2 weeks I was still living there waiting to move into my new place.

We dated from July 2019, got engaged November 2020.
We just broke up. I brought up issues that were bothering me, he went off, I guess I didn’t let him talk, I dont know. My timing was off. he called we yelled then the rest was done through text.
He blocked me everywhere, stopped locations, and that is something he’s done before so I sent him an email saying we are done.
We have been communicating through email since. i apologized, told him I loved him, because I became emotional. He just sent me an email long email saying he’s too hurt that he thought we were good. I have to go get my things now.

update: now he’s texting me.
i don’t know what to do. The problem all started when I did some research on FB and found that the year he said he was divorced wasn’t. That the year he was supposedly divorced they were still saying i love you well into the next year. Then, 4 months after, they are sayng they hate eachother and they’re divorced.

He was w her on and off 20 years. Has children he’s left over and over and for other women who he meets fast (when he said his then baby momma would drop him)and has kids of their own.
So I’m not feeling secure. He says women don’t go around searching for past info and judging the person on that info, now. I said I had to because I was starting to feel as if somethig wasn’t right.And I waS right. He lied about the year he was divorced. it was way later. And now I’m wondering if he wouldn’t go back to her. He says he never will. But we all know men. I believe she won’t take HIM back.

what do I do????

Lena, lea, whoever… you cannot be serious. If you can’t figure this one out you need heavy duty therapy, if you’re even real.

Smells like a fake post now.

this isnt a fake post. I’m on here honestly looking for advice. If I can’t come to women for advice than who do I have?

I get you aren’t understanding this problem. But that’s why I’m here. To get some clarity. Not everyone has cut and dry situations and if that was the case this forum would not be needed.

there’s not reason to make or attempt to make someone feel silly for reaching out and being vulnerable.

I guess you all have life figured out.
Whatever.

posters have written twice thrice and more times. asking you to cut this out. but you keep adding worst stories to your original one and then ask what do i do. lady you know what you have to do. consider yourself forewarned. if things go down the drain in future with this man, you will only have yourself to blame. i don’t think your listening to what they are saying. if your finding it difficult, go to a therapist and talk this out. maybe sessions with the therapist will turn out cheaper in the long run then staying with this guy..