Mixed signals


Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #776194 Reply
    Sevyn

    So I met this guy about 4 1/2 months ago on Tinder. We had a great first date and ended up at my house and slept together. We made plans for the next few weeks together. He lives about an hour away so he always drove to see me on his days off. Eventually this lead to him spending the weekdays or weekends with me. By our 4th or 5th date, we made plans out of state and I would meet a lot of his close friends and co-workers. The trip went great, we had so much fun. Fast-forward to now. He’s been distant and quiet lately. He’ll work overtime on his days off so this might mean I see him once a week or every other. A few weeks ago I sent him a text asking whether or not he sees me as part of his life/future due to his work and aspirations (he works so much and sometimes that’s all he can live for). He responded with “I’ll think about it”. We never addressed it again. Then a few days after, he’s drunk and tells me he loves me and how I’m his best friend. He accompanied me to a doctor appointment out of state last week , got a hotel, took me shopping. Had an amazing time. But here I am, haven’t heard from him for a few days now and sometimes just get left on read. We don’t make plans much anymore. Did I scare him off???

    #776198 Reply
    Lane

    Yes, mainly in part because you tried to speed up and control the process, instead of allowing it to naturally and organically grow, and in doing so, you scared him away!

    No one knows if they see a future with someone unless *they* tell you. You literally threw him in a pressure cooker and tried to use sex to get him to feel something he wasn’t feeling. You can’t force or control how other people feel, so when you try to force people they naturally resist, whereas, if they aren’t saying it, then they aren’t feeling it!

    A relationship is where two parties, of their own *free will* [key words], not pressured by another (like you did) in any way, want to build something with the other person. Dating only lays down the basic foundation of dirt and only by spending time together can the other know if they want to continue or not. How long does it take to build a house? It takes two devoted people who *want to* spend the time to construct (build) it. You can’t *force* someone to build it, they have to willingly show up and put in the time, effort and energy or all your have is a pile of dirt.

    Stop trying to force men to build a house (relationship) with you. The man needs to be a fully willing participant, who needs to be the one to say “I want to build a life with you.” Only at that time, if the woman is also in agreement, can they start the process of laying down the foundation (concrete), then framework, then interior, then exterior to build something they can move into. The problem is, he may be a super bad contractor (BF)! He stops showing up, cuts corners, stops delivering on promises, and the house isn’t being built at which point you need to fire him! Your job, as a woman, is to carefully listen, watch, and observe what HE SAY’S AND DOES (WORDS + ACTIONS = TRUTH); whereas if *HE* is not telling you he sees you in his future, then you walk away, because he’s not having those thoughts about you—men really are that simple!

    #776211 Reply
    K

    The instant intimacy thing usually blows up inside of three months. Sex doesn’t create real intimacy or create a relationship. Immediately jumping in and seeing each other a lot doesn’t automatically create a sustainable relationship either. This is typical – at the 3-4 month mark no matter how you started or how well it’s going a guy will take a hard look at whether he sees a future with you and statistically the answer is often no and he either breaks up or fades away. No exclusivity discussion makes him feel like it’s OK to just fade away.

    I think this is the number one mistake women make and then post here to ask what they did wrong to drive him away. The answer is nothing… other than give your heart too fast.

    You didn’t drive him away, he just decided you’re not it for him. He had fun with you but in the cold light of day has decided this isn’t going to move forward but hasn’t directly informed you.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
Reply To: Mixed signals
Your information:





<blockquote> <code> <pre> <em> <strong> <ul> <ol start=""> <li>