This topic contains 33 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Nicole 6 months ago.
February 16, 2017 at 11:19 pm #603142
I’ve been dating this guy, still very new. Things are fine except sometimes he doesn’t return texts. He usually does soon, even when at work or busy. But in total there have been 3 maybe 4 that I never got a response too. I’ve only send a few texts and they’re for a purpose, we don’t have texting conversations.
There’s another recent thing. I think something is going on with his job, I don’t know what though. He’s been acting stressed and said that he had a lot going on so I gave him space and it’s been several weeks since we saw each other. Previously I asked if he was still interested and he said yes. He has checked in a bit. And I noticed that he’s no longer listed in the directory on his workplace website, like everything about him has been erased on that.
I don’t know what’s going on or if he’s fading out because he’s not longer insteresed or what. Thank you for reading my post, any advice is really needed!February 17, 2017 at 12:34 am #603148
Does he take you on dates?February 17, 2017 at 12:48 am #603152
Hi L- yes he does. About one a week but we haven’t seen each other for a few weeks.
I should point out we texted each other about 10ish times total, so the few missed texted seemed fairly significant to me.February 17, 2017 at 12:52 am #603153
why are you on the directory listing on his workplace website?
Nicole…leave him alone…if he’s interested…he’ll contact youFebruary 17, 2017 at 12:56 am #603155
Does he contact you on the phone? Does he ask you out? Pay attention to that. Your relationship is new and if he is having issues at work he may withdraw, especially because the relationship is new he may not feel comfortable opening up to you yet. Don’t take it personally give him some space.February 17, 2017 at 12:59 am #603157
I just re-read my comment and maybe should clarify. The 10ish times were since we started dating. I’ve reached out once to him during the past few weeks.
I was searching for an article and found that it was missing, so I was trying to find it and came across the directory.February 17, 2017 at 1:06 am #603160
We call or text to make plans and save conversations for dates. Except for the occasional check in, but we can go more than a week without contact.
I will give him space and since my text today got ignored, I’ll let him initiate.
I guess it’s not even so much that we haven’t seen each other, more like throughout all of when we were dating there were some of ignored texts. It just makes me feel like I can’t reach out.February 17, 2017 at 1:13 am #603162
A New Mode explanation
Why a guy doesn’t text back.
1) If I wasn’t that into her.
2) If I was really busy with work.
3) If the girl was being needy.
4) If I honestly did not have my phone near me.
5) If I’m with another girlFebruary 17, 2017 at 1:18 am #603167
Crisula, do you think it’s number 1 or 5? Either of those would be bad.
I don’t think I’m being needy, I haven’t really done anything I don’t think. If it was 2 or 4, I would have thought he would just get back to me later?February 17, 2017 at 1:30 am #603169
I really don’t know Nicole…all you can do is see if he will contact you. He is aware that you want to talk to him.
A good rule in dating, is to ALWAYS have him text first…stick to that rule and you can never go wrong.
You should also cut off the conversation first.
Men like the chase Nicole…so just hang in there and hopefully he will contact you.February 17, 2017 at 2:17 am #603186
Just be ready for the fade-out just in case.
I’d take my mind off him for now and go do sth else and date other men. He might come back, he might not. Who knows. Just don’t fret about it.February 17, 2017 at 11:43 am #603293
Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate it.
I’ll try not to think about him and will let him do the initiating from now on (if he comes back).
Let’s say he does come back and I still get some ignored texts, what is a good way to deal with that? It’s really annoying and I want to tell him to know it off but that’s probabaly not going to go well.February 17, 2017 at 11:55 am #603297
Do not double text, if you get no reply, leave it as such. if you break this rule, then he’ll be ok to “ignore” your texts again and again.February 17, 2017 at 12:12 pm #603302
Nichole, if I am reading this right, you haven’t had any contact with him in a few weeks and the texts you sent were ignored? This relationship sounds over to me. In my book, if I haven’t heard from a guy i am dating in a week I consider that a ghosting. Especially if he’s ignored texts from me. This man is not interested. There is no other explanation. Sorry.February 17, 2017 at 12:40 pm #603310
Please stop playing detective and get on with your life.
If he is interested he knows exactly how to find you.February 17, 2017 at 12:46 pm #603312
His behavior indicates very low interest. Always assume a man is dating other women until an explicit and honest conversation (and his actions) prove otherwise.
Never assume anything other than you are one of many women in his rotation. A man who is really interested is calling and reaching out in between dates regularly and making plans to see you more than once a week. And if the ONE day he is seeing you is a weekday….that usually means you are a really LOW priority. He’s saving his weekends for other women or his friends in that case.
I absolutely think it’s both #1 and #5February 17, 2017 at 12:57 pm #603317
You haven’t seen each other for a few weeks, he ignores your texts, he hasn’t replied to 3 or 4 out of maybe only 10 texts that have been sent since you started dating…and you don’t know if he’s fading out?!?! Come on! I mean use some common sense here. If a guy was interested he wouldn’t go weeks without contacting you, wouldn’t ignore most of the texts you send him. Please just leave this guy alone and move on with your life. He’s not into you.
And you say you’re not being needy but texting a guy to ask if he’s still interested IS needy. Stop it. You will KNOW when a guy is interested and you won’t have to ask.February 17, 2017 at 2:27 pm #603377
Thanks for the comments.
I actually did assume he wasn’t interested. When I asked if he was still interested, I was just asking if he wanted to contiune or not just so I know. I didn’t act upset or anything. I thought I was not going to hear from again. It just started to confuse me when he said that he was interested and afterwards started checking in. I never asked him to meet.
I’m not trying to over-analyze anything. This just felt really weird because he’s not using me or anything. I don’t get why he just doesn’t break if off, because to me these actions indicate someone who isn’t interested.
We got into an argument after the 3rd date and I think he lost a lot of attraction over that. I mean doesn’t matter now but I don’t like it if he’s not being honest about not being interested.February 17, 2017 at 2:34 pm #603379
We have gone out on weekends. There have also been times where we met twice a week, but mostly it’s just one.
The reason I asked here, is because I’m on the verge of telling this guy to never contact me again. I don’t know if that an overreaction at this point or not.February 17, 2017 at 2:37 pm #603380
that won’t be necessary since he’s not contacting you
move onFebruary 17, 2017 at 2:41 pm #603382
Oh I meant if he contacts me, I’m about ready to say that. Sorry I should have more clear.February 17, 2017 at 2:44 pm #603384
no worries hun
yes..if he contacts you, you should say that
best of luckFebruary 17, 2017 at 2:44 pm #603385
Nichole, welcome to the wonderful world of dating.
Plenty of men out there (and women too) do not “break it off.” They just cease contact and let you get the message.
It’s called ghosting. Hang out here. It is all too common. My definition (some people do not agree) is a ghosting occurs when a person with whom you understood yourself to be in some type of relationship ends it by simply ceasing contact. Some people on here disagree with me and says it can also be ghosting if you disappear at any point…even if you’re just chatting with them and have never met.
In your case, since you were not exclusive, and you never were in contact with any regularity, he just figured he would fade away. He’s gone though. That you can count on. The worst thing about ghosting is that period where you are left hanging and not knowing what is going on. Once you know, then you can heal.February 17, 2017 at 2:46 pm #603386
The accusations of you having a needy mindset come from you even asking what he wants. This point is so tough for so many women to grasp.
A truly confident woman, who is secure in her value, doesn’t need to ask! She just sits back and watches a guy’s behavior.
If he isn’t respectful and thoughtful, and moving things forward in a meaningful way (which will be completely obvious) she cuts bait and throws him back.
I would be dating other men until someone worthy comes along, to make we want to be exclusive.
I would NOT be asking this guy what he’s thinking or wanting at this stage, because his LACK of effort would give me ALL the info I needed.
As in, buh-bye.February 17, 2017 at 2:49 pm #603387
Also, if you didn’t discuss what goals each of you have in dating right now (in general/with the right person) then that is the first mistake.
If he wants only casual, and you want a relationship, you started off mismatched and wasted your own time.