Marriage Talk


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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #656728 Reply

    Dan

    Hello Ladies,

    Just would would like to have your opinion on something.

    My BF and I have been together for almost 3 years, we have a great relationship, there has never been a screaning match, instead we seat down and discuss issus, we are good a giving eachother space when need it, we support each other, we are kind and greatful towards one another, and we make it a point to tell eachother how much we love and apreciate each other; that said we are of course not perfect, I for one I am terrible a dealing with things that are unconfortable, for me or just things that just plain freack me out, and by this I mean I completely ignore them and pretend those things do not exist. He in the other hand is very organize and like to deal with things and prepare for them.

    Now the issue is this; we have talked about marrige, at that point he told me that he loves me, and he wants a future with me, he wants the kids, the house, he wants it all, but at the time we talked about it he said he was not quite ready for it, since then we skirt the topic by joking about it everytime something comes up on tv or we receive another wedding invite from one of our friends (everyone seem to be getting engage). The thing is that the other day there was a stupid thing on tv about someone getting married and he made a joke out of it by saying that the crazy chick who wanted to get married would be me in that situation, and for some reason that made me upset, we talked about it, and I told him that it usually those things don’t bother me, yet it did this time because it made me feel like I was seem as the only one who wants to get married. His answer was that by joking about it is his way of preparing himself and keeping the conversation alive, because I tend to hide from things that make me unconfortable.

    Do you guys think that is a valid reason to make jokes out of it?

    #656733 Reply

    Amanda

    You should worry less about the joke and more about whether he is serious. This might not be the case with you, but plenty of men who say things like, “When the time is right” mean something like “the time will never be right.” Have you asked him a ball park of when he might be ready? 1 yer? 3 years?

    #656735 Reply

    Dan

    Amanda — Yes, we have discuss him proposing during the next year or so. I have actually told him when we talked about marriage that it is ok if he doesn’t want to get married, and if that was the case he should just tell me as I am not incline to stay in a relationship where that was not the end game. He said that he loves me but he is not quite ready, to trust him.

    #656737 Reply

    Lia

    I don’t understand how “He said that he loves me but he is not quite ready, to trust him,” is ever a good thing. it sounds like he’s either stringing you along or has doubts..

    #656738 Reply

    Hannah

    If you want to marry this guy stop taking about it entirely.. even as a joke!! If he brings it up / jokes about it then just say you really don’t want to talk about itx if he persists just say you don’t like talking in hypotheticals, if he decides it’s something he isn’t serious a about and actually proposes then you can continue the conversation then. But until then leave it. You have made it WAY too easy for him, why on earth would he propose right if he’s getting everything he wants from his girlfriend. All the commitment from you without having to truly commit himself. Pull back, start looking at your own life and how to and how to enrich it. It he decides to actually pull his finger out you can open up a dialogue then.

    #656741 Reply

    Lane

    Stop being so passive aggressive.. tell him to man up and get off the pot and propose as your tired of skirting around the issue. What has he actively DONE to prepare? Sounds like he’s accustomed to the “why buy he milk if you can’t and get for free” mentality.

    Men do what they want and if he really wanted to marry you he would have proposed and be actively doing something instead of talking about it. If you want to get married then BE HONEST with yourself and then him…stop skitting around the issue as it’s an horrible way to operate in a relationship as it causes stupid issues like this.

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