Making New Friends while in a long distance relationship?


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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #633465 Reply

    Hellen

    I’m in a long distance relationship. Last week I moved to a new city (not where my boyfriend is) and have been exploring the place. I was out for a run one day and saw another running guy. Because I was new to the area, I got lost in the neighborhood and he happened to come up and introduced himself to me. Then we did some running together and became friends on facebook. I’ve mentioned to him that I’ve a boyfriend. Now he wants to get drinks with me and have dinner together. I’m totally open to making new friends, but don’t want to lead him on. How do I respond/act so that he knows we can be friends but nothing more? Also do you ladies think having dinner with a guy (a new friend) while in a long distance relationship is more unfaithful than normal?

    #633467 Reply

    Jose

    Whaaaat? Dude you already told him that you have a boyfriend, unless he is stupid, he will get the message. I think you should go meet him, just because you have a boyfriend doesnt mean you cant have guy friends! Heck, you dont even know if this guys is trying to get in your pants! Maybe he is or maybe he is a sweet guy who can see you are new to the city and wants to be your friend. You will never know unless you meet him. If he tries anything, you can always say no.

    #633482 Reply

    Algo

    Actually, to some men hanging out with them means they have a shot even after mentioning a Bf.

    I wascontacted by a man whom I treated slightly poorly last January. We met during MeetUp and went out for drinks. I was dating someone exclusively and didn’t realise the guy thought he was dating me. He tried to kiss me, it was Awkward. My fault. Didn’t read the situation correctly but MeetUp isn’t really for dating and those expat meetings are filled with people just trying to build a social life away from home.

    Then come December he contacts me again, I Tell him right away that I van only do friendly drinks and not datey drinks because I’m with someone.

    I go to regular poker nights (once a month), not shying away from mentioning my Bf in a positive way several times. I help the guy Rudy up afterwards (because I was raised to do so). He still tried to kiss me. His explanation: if you’re here on a Saturday night and not with your Bf, there is a reason.

    Yeah, the reason is that I get to have my own life and my own friends and so does my Bf.

    Tbh, the only thing you can do is be honest with both of them and be cautious. I don’t think there is anything problem with making new friends, also in An ldr, just know that no matter what you say or do, the guy might still see it as a dating/sex opportunity. Be cautious, don’t get caught up in anything but by all means, make a new friend. Just be honest and disclose to your Bf and you should be fine.

    #633488 Reply

    Shoshannah

    Honestly, some women are extremely naive. Sure, you told him you have a bf. But why would he care? He gets clear vibes from you that rehardless, you are keen on an… ‘adventure’.

    Listen, this is simpler than what you think. Do you love your current bf? Are you confident that you want to spend your life with him?

    If not, then… just break up with him. Then you can have as much fun as you wish and you can explore all the possibilities.

    And who knows… from the ouside it looks as though you are the one willing to cheat. But it’s possible that your needs are not being met. Or that you realise you are not a good fit with your bf.

    Of course, the honest thing to do would be to end one relationship, before you start another. But life sucks, and it is not easy to make life long decisions. Just think about what is the good fit for you! Copatibility is out of your control, you cannot blame anyone if they were not a good fit (and not yourself either).

    #668658 Reply

    Turner

    You are playing with fire. Out of the thousand of people in the city, why hang out with this new guy exclusively one on one.

    #668664 Reply

    Amanda

    I know a lot of guys who think that if a girl isn’t married, she’s fair game. Dinner and drinks is a very date-like activity and I would be very cautious if you guys are dating age appropriate for each other. Most of my guy friends are married and much older which makes the whole thing less weird. And I knew them and trusted them before I did anything like dinner and drinks.
    I would say something like, “I have a busy schedule, but I would love to meet a new friend in the area. How about we just grab a drink?”

    #668758 Reply

    Betteroffsingle

    Maybe ask your boyfriend how he feels about it.

    How would it make you feel if he was in a situation like this?

    #668787 Reply

    Lane

    Honestly it depends on how you truly feel about this guy. What does your BF say about it? If he’s cool with it then I would go but I would be very clear that its not a date, you have a BF and you’ll pay for your own drinks/dinner (to make it less date-like). Remember, he’s a stranger, not a friend, so be mindful of this make sure you meet in public if you do decide to hang out with him.

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