Lack of comunication…problem?


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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Maya 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #647636 Reply

    Maya

    So after my 7 years long realtionship finished (and i was sure i will be forever alone because i am so picky and my ex was soo great that i though i wont meet anyone better), i met this amazing guy after like 3 years of bein alone. We are dating for almost 4 months and i am sure he is husband material, he is so into me, he do anything to make me happy and i do same for him, i learned of my mistakes in my previous relationship so i am trying my best to work on it now and make it perfect, i totaly enjoy the fact i got new chance of working on relationship with such an amazing nice guy, but there is one thing what bothers me a bit….comunication, i am not very talkative type but however when it comes to my partner or closest friends, i have need to talk about everything, history, universe, relationships between people or just analyze any situation i see. With my exbf we used to talk for hours about all kind of stuff, i am pretty deep thinker but with this new guy it seems hard to keep comunication goin or to talk about deep things. I know for boys comunication is not so important like for girls but anyways it bothers me a bit, it seems like i cant get closer to him. He asking me questions about me and i do same with him but it basicaly always end up with short answer and sometimes i even feel awkward about the silence, to make it clear, non of us has own place and we cant spend nights over unles we rent a hotel what he does like every month, so we usualy spending few hours few days a week togetehr and to me it stil kind of feel like we are on the date, like we cant get to common situations like to be in someones house, cook and watch a movie and jus chill if you get me. On our 1st 3 dates we talked a lot like for hours also a lot about relationships and i still have lot to say about it but am scared to talk about now it because i dont want to scare him and make him think he has to commit. He seems pretty satisfied in my company and he always even thank me for the time we spent together but i just feel like i dont give him enough and i am too boring. Is it possible that for guys talking is really not soo important? He also working crazy hour every day and he basicaly killing himself to go see me after work and most of the times i see how tired he is and that he is almost about to fall asleep so am scared to start some deep topics, but i like to talk and i would like to see his opinions about some ideas i have in my head i am jus not sure how to aproach him and i am scared that what is between us will not be enough for him in few months, do you have any idea how to improve this lack of comunication? I even told him about this and he said its cause english is not his native language and its true sometimes he struggle when he want to say something so maybe its not easy for him to comunicate about deep things. Tell me guys…would it bother you that you dont talk enough in the relationship or the intimity, physical pleasure and cuddle and time spent togetehr just like that is enough for you?

    #647637 Reply

    Anon

    Go to hotels to meet up when not traveling?Not normal in any relationships…

    Maybe you should work to gain financial independence first before this dating approach.

    In four months should be get to know each other, meet others.

    Leave the cooking in once you think there is an excellent chance for long term shot.

    #647638 Reply

    Kathy

    I am not trying to be mean, but for everyone who just writes one long paragraph, it is hard to read your train of thought.

    Please post in paragraphs so it is easier for commenters to read.

    #647640 Reply

    Maya

    Sorry for the lenght …and to make it clear, i am lowcost traveler, staying in friends place far from my coutry, and he just came back from 7 years of traveling back to his parents house, no need for him to rent appartment because he is happy to spend time with them after such a long time plus they have big house, but i am working on finding job and gettin my own place though

    #647658 Reply

    L

    Non stop talking about everything? Constantly? I hope would stick a fork in my eye first.

    #647675 Reply

    Anon

    You seem to need more friends than finding love

    No man can satisfy you with that unless he thinks like a woman and enjoy that constant engaging conversation

    #647695 Reply

    Amanda

    Why do you think this man is so amazing? It seems you are missing a very important part of the reltionship which would fulfill you. To answer your question, he is probably just like this and does not like deep conversation. I was in your situation. I kept thinking that if I stayed with the man and got to know him better the connection and deep conversations would come. They never did. I broke up with him because I was completely unfulfilled. Do not marry this guy if deep conversation is a priority for you. I know I would have been completely unhappy and I bet you will bet that way too.

    And for those of you who are going to claim men just don’t like conversations, that is complete BS. The op herself said she indeed had these conversations with her ex. A lot of men really do love to talk. Go out in the world and look at all the men who are writers and professors and psychologists. The stereotypical idea of a man who likes to workout and have sex is not what all men are like.

    #647713 Reply

    Maya

    I am not saying its a priority for me, yes I like to talk, but this guy fulfill every other aspect of relationship I could imagin so I can give up on this point, or I can try to work on it.

    But I am not askin for what’s good for me, I already know he is definitely worth it, I am asking for guys point of view, if boys can be like this and they actualy dont need deep conversations and other things we have between each other are enough for them. I am asking cause I had only one long relationship where it was diferent so I cant imagin what other boys are like and what can fulfill them in the relationship.

    #647716 Reply

    peggy

    aya-why are you asking if there are guys that don’t need deep conversations? It sounds like YOU need,like,want deeper conversation. So,look for someone that suits you-don’t try to mold yourself to suit a situation/man that is not naturally a good fit for you. Figure out your priorities and stick with those to find the right man. IMO this guy is not for you.

    #647719 Reply

    Amandaa

    Well I answered your question then! YES there are boys like this. It seems you are dating one. I predict you will be unhappy long term, but if you think he is worth it then go ahead and marry him. But do not expect him to change. Some men are just like this – that is who they are.

    #647743 Reply

    Maya

    Thanks Amanda, thats what i was asking, its not like am gona be depresed that we dont have deep conversation daily, i can still enjoy it with my other friends and its not that we dont talk at all, we stil have lot of fun and do lot of things together, it was just strange to me cause i am so used to it and i am not sure if i am giving him enough, but i guess it will be easiest to confront him, what are actualy main things he need in the relationship to make sure. I am not looking for perfect match cause i could wait forever, this guy is actualy all i was looking for so i better try to work on it.

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