Just electronic communication so far


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This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  SthrnBelle 2 days, 17 hours ago.

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  • #666392 Reply

    Bonnie

    Met this guy at work a month ago. We talk a lot in office plus text during work hours.

    Sent him text during evening once just after he got home. But it took him 1.5 hours to reply.

    He hasn’t asked to go on dates or talk after hours.

    Am I being impatient? Or by now he should have asked? Don’t know what to think here.

    #666407 Reply

    Stephen G

    1.5 hours isn’t a long time if you remember he has to wash, change and prepare dinner. That could easily take up that amount of time.

    “He hasn’t asked to go on dates or talk after hours.”

    He sees you as a friendly colleague. You haven’t made your interest clear enough.

    #666409 Reply

    Jane

    Girl power! Don’t wait for him to ask you out. If there are good flirty vibes and it won’t affect work I say go for it and ask him out instead!

    #666410 Reply

    Stephen G

    Most men see texts as a low priority and yes even irritating especially gabby ones. Men don’t get women’s need to talk. They don’t understand that talking seemingly about nothing is the female way to establish or maintain communication. Even with phone calls you can bet that a man is waiting for a woman to get to the point.
    I saw recently on a forum that a young woman gave her bf an ultimatum that he:
    1. Send her a good morning text.
    2. Send her a mid-morning text.
    3. Send her a text before and after lunch.
    4. Send her late afternoon text.
    5. Send her an ‘arrived home’ text.
    6. Send her numerous texts in the evening.
    7. Send her a goodnight text.

    Oh and she also instructed him that her texts where always to be promptly replied to, but not to expect a quick response to her texts because “hey I have a life”.

    #666413 Reply

    Amanda

    If he is interested in you as anything more than a friend he will ask you out. You have already showed enough interest.

    #666415 Reply

    Stephen G

    @Amanda
    There are two possibilities he is unaware of her attraction, or he is aware and is not encouraging her because that could land him in trouble with HR down the line if he displeases her in any way. “Never foul your own nest” is good advice.

    #666433 Reply

    Bonnie

    I never considered the last post’s explanation, which could very well be the case. I have complimented him many times, reply back to his texts and go over to his desk to chat a lot. It is very clear that I like him.

    But he NEVER says anything remotely sexual, all very clean teasing talk. I am assuming this is the reason. One day I mentioned liking bubble baths. He could have started a rather sexual conversation but just mentioned all the bubbles. If he does talk sex, you are right I could conceivably go to HR and complain. But communicating after work hours and me returning his attention is not going to get him into trouble. After all, I could have said “no” but I did not.

    Thanks for the thoughts, it is something to keep in mind.

    #666460 Reply

    Raven

    DO NOT DATE PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH!

    #666469 Reply

    Hannah

    Are you sure he’s single?

    #666554 Reply

    Miss_A

    I had a crush on a coworker once. I was SURE he liked me too, the chemistry was strong. However, he never made a move. I came to this forum with all my “clues” that he liked me. They told me he probably doesn’t, OR he was holding out because we were coworkers. He left the company. Still never made a move. My point is, if he’s not asking you out, don’t waste your time worrying about it. There are other guys out there. Many, many other guys.

    #666588 Reply

    Khadija

    If he was interested he would have asked you out by now.

    Honestly, I think dating coworkers is really a bad idea.

    These things usually don’t end well.

    #666599 Reply

    Emma

    We women can be so pathetic! LOL

    if the guy is not asking you out, is it not because he does not “realize” he should, it is not because you did not show him enough interest, it is not because he is afraid of something (although HR is a serious concern, but he would have talked to you about it had he been interested).

    If he is not asking you out, he is not interested. For whatever reason, and he does have that reasons, you might not know it, but he does have it. So stop being so foolish LOL

    Talking to a woman at work who is nearly undressing herself in front of you (the kind of chats you were initiating are very suggestive), would boost any man’s ego. So he keeps on talking to you casually.

    #666772 Reply

    Bonnie

    Does anyone think he might already be attached to someone else? Just playing around at work? I am just so confused as he shows a great deal of interest, talking often, eye contact, texting, etc.

    I never hear from him in the evenings.

    What do people think?

    #666777 Reply

    Amanda

    Yes, just playing around at work. Could be attached or not. The point is he is having fun and using you to pass time. Some men are just flirts.

    #666799 Reply

    Henriette

    Sounds to me like you’re the one hanging out at his desk, making it clear to the world you are crazy about him, chatting him up, flirting, sending texts…. I’m going to go with he’s polite as you’re a coworker, but he’s not responding in line because either he’s simply not interested, or he has a girlfriend

    #666861 Reply

    Bonnie

    Thanks everyone. I have stopped replying to his texts. The guy is just passing time.

    I am going to start focusing on men who are available and who SHOW it.

    #666864 Reply

    Stephen G

    Some people really cannot see the obvious. It is clear to me that he sees your interactions as office badinage, a way to pass the time. Bonnie is reading way too much into this.

    #666976 Reply

    Sophia

    I think he’s married.

    #667144 Reply

    Bonnie

    Hi all. I just came right out and asked him.

    Yes, he is married. At least he didn’t lie about it.

    Delete – block…..

    #667164 Reply

    Phillygirl

    It sucks that this was so obvious yet you didn’t see it. Ladies, please learn from this.

    If a man isn’t asking you out, and actually taking you on dates, and being consistent…that is ALL you need to know.

    It means he is already involved with someone else, or just not interested.

    A man who IS interested AND available (and emotionally healthy and NOT a turd) doesn’t play these games.

    This guy was just looking for an ego stroke and attention to avert boredom in the workplace.

    Generally speaking, office romances are not the best bet. When they don’t work out your dirty laundry is all over the office, and you have to see (and are sometimes forced) to continue to interact with that person while you are trying to heal. That’s an awful place to be.

    If a guy isn’t stepping up quickly (as in the first couple weeks) you need to learn the art of loving yourself enough that you lose any interest…fast. It should be a turnoff when a guy is wishy-washy or inconsistent and unclear with his intentions.

    Only give your time to those who earn it. I don’t play games and I don’t appreciate when others play them.

    If you use your skills of observation and really pay attention, instead of getting caught up in sparks that may mean nothing, it will be abundantly apparent when these timewasters waste time with meaningless flattery.

    #667167 Reply

    Bonnie

    Yikes!

    I just got three emails thanking me for recovering my passwords for 3 accounts (which I actually do have) but I never requested password resets.

    This guy is a high technology computer professional.

    #667171 Reply

    Phillygirl

    If you are suggesting he’s behind this, that’s a real leap without proof. He’d have to be an idiot or a psycho to play games like that.

    I get those kinds of emails all the time. Where are you going with this?

    #667176 Reply

    SthrnBelle

    I remember a story from my younger and real stupid days. I had a crush on a coworker for a year and a half, wow all that time wasted, I thought I was in love. All that time I was thinking that the guy was too shy, did not dare to make a move, understood nothing.

    After that at an office party him and his friend slipped something in my drink. I had a one night stand with him. I felt really traumatized about the whole thing. I talked to my best friend at work, turned out he was after her the whole time as well. Turned out he had had a live in girlfriend the whole time, and plus many years before. Turned out one colleague caught him printing information about a hookup service. Turned out also he had hooked up with other girls in the office. Even had an affair with one. I was low priority even on that list.

    I did not talk to the guy again. He asked to talk two months later and I told him bluntly what I thought of him, had all good thoughts and feelings gone, they were anyhow a mere fantasy, the creation of my mind. There was nothing good about him.

    Many years later he married a receptionist from the company and I guess left his long term girlfriend. I could only feel disgusted and sorry for the wife and the girlfriend and his many victims.

    Lesson learnt. If a guy is not asking you out, do not waste a minute on him, he is only playing. Do not think much into some flirting and start making up an illusion about a person you have no idea who they are. And in general avoid anything at work. It is breeding ground for trouble. I was fine in this case but I have heard instances where others lost their jobs because of it.

    It does not matter what is going on with your accounts. Make them safe. Forget and delete this guy and go the other way. There are so many potentially good candidates out there.

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