Is This a Blow Off?


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This topic contains 33 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Tina 5 days, 4 hours ago.

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  • #627964 Reply

    Tina

    Hello, please can I get your views… I am supposed to meet this man I have gone on dates with for the past 6 weeks months to talk about our issues. We are meeting in a few days. Few days ago I suggested we meet on Friday or Sunday. He said Sunday. Then I texted him to confirm the time and he picked the time and then said it needs to be quick since he has a pretty early morning train the following day (I know he is traveling so don’t think he is lying). He could have picked an earlier time as in an hour or 2 before the time he suggested for us to meet but he clearly didn’t… is this a blow off? I know I will have my answer in a few days but would like to get your views because if it’s a blow off I want to be prepared to deal with the rejection when I meet him.

    #627966 Reply

    Tina

    Sorry, I mean I have gone on dates with him for past 6 weeks (not months)…

    #627968 Reply

    Raven

    What kind of issues can you possibly have in 6 short weeks?

    #627969 Reply

    Tina

    Raven he started to feel that I wasn’t into him and wants to talk about it

    #627971 Reply

    Shannon

    To tell you the truth, I don’t know what to make of this. If he wants to meet with you because he doesn’t feel that he’s into you, why would he want to make it quick? He makes it sound almost like you’re inconveniencing him. I almost think this is a blow off, but if you he thought you weren’t into you, why not end it?

    I have to be honest, it does sound like he’s going to be breaking up with you. He’s already trying to come up with an exit strategy.

    #627973 Reply

    Tina

    Shannon that’s why it’s so confusing… I don’t know why he told me that he thinks I am not interested in him and then agrees to meeting me. He should have just said that he’s not feeling it anymore and we could have ended it then.

    #627990 Reply

    Amanda

    Well I guess there is a small possibility he is scared you will hurt him and he doesn’t want to stay long. The other reason is he is putting the “not into you” on you when it is really the reverse. Emotionally prepare yourself for a break-up, and just wait and see.

    #628376 Reply

    Tina

    I need your advice – I am feeling really low and terrible so please help…

    I was beginning to feel this was a blow off and decided to tell the man if it’s an inconvenience we should cancel our meeting plan. He responded apologizing if he offended me and then went on to explain why he said the meeting needs to be quick (more reasons than he had an early morning train – he was going to his parents place this weekend and was coming back early to meet me). Plus he had friends visiting this weekend so basically a lot going on. In the end of his message he said all this being said, he shouldn’t ignore (me).

    I felt terrible after reading his message – I had no idea he was this busy. The way I assumed things were – he decided to meet on Sunday and not Friday. We made the plan last Tuesday. Then no contact in between so I confirmed plan and time with him on Friday to which he responded but saying it had to be quick. I felt he was politely blowing me off.

    After he texted me giving the reasons for him being little MIA, I responded saying… I didn’t know all this was going on and that I wanted to meet him to clarify why he felt I wasn’t interested in him and figure if we both want to move forward and explore something potentially long term. I told him I don’t like discussing things over text since things can be miscommunicated so if he thinks the same (that is wants to explore a potential relationship), we should meet else he can let me know otherwise.

    This was yesterday. He hasn’t responded as yet. I know he is pretty busy today but I don’t want to make excuses for him.

    Did I mess this up… did I say too much? My intention was to not play games and just be honest but I am feeling terrible right now since he hasn’t responded.

    Please can you let me know your views?

    #628381 Reply

    Amanda

    You messed up a little – saying all of that over text wasn’t the best. But it is still very rude of him not to reply. Just don’t reach out again until you meet – thing will get cleared up in person.

    #628383 Reply

    Tina

    Amanda yes you are right. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have said all that over text… that’s why I am feeling terrible.

    I won’t reach out to him again. The ball is in his court and if he doesn’t reply by today, I think it’s clear he doesn’t want to move forward.

    Also if he were that into me, he should have told me earlier why he could not meet sooner than the time he picked on Sunday (particularly since he said it had to be quick given his early morning train). Previously, he would tell me things beforehand – for instance, if he couldn’t meet over the weekend so that there wouldn’t be any miscommunication. This time it just seemed weird… and though it’s nice he explained things later, I am wondering if that was just to make me feel guilty.

    Sorry just a little low so trying to get clarity…

    #628386 Reply

    Marie

    You seem over invested, are you sure you are not the one who feels he is not into you and want to meet to discuss it?

    No logic why you would feel so low and care so much about what happens with someone you barley know unless you are way ahead of him in your feelings.

    If you show up with this vibe or attitude of caring too much he will think you are desperate, and you may just scare him off.You already said too much in your text.

    I know it is hard to be patient and wait it out when you are so invested, but trust me, it’s the only thing you can and should do.

    Do not spill your guts so to speak when you do meet up with him. Let him do most of the talking and then follow his lead.

    Men do not put value on what comes easy, but value what they have to work for. You are not yet in a relationship, don’t spoil things by acting as if you are you will give away your power and be at his mercy.. stay strong and value yourself. Men take notice of women who do.

    #628388 Reply

    Tina

    Marie I set aside my emotions after I hadn’t heard from him in days but then he contacted me saying he thought I wasn’t interested and wanted to talk about it.

    I am feeling low because that after he messaged me yesterday explaining why the meeting had to be quick and why he’s been out of it, I started to feel guilty to have assumed things and if I messed up things by saying we should cancel our meeting plan.

    I don’t know but I am getting a feeling that maybe he likes being the nice guy so maybe is in a subtle manner he is putting the blame on me (by saying I am the one not interested, he changed his plans to see me even if for a short while, etc.) to get out of this…

    #628389 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I don’t think you feel terrible because you said too much, I think you feel terrible because he ignores a very personal message. People sometimes say a lot, even via text and the truth is, if a man is into you, this will not ruin anything (especially if it happens once). He is being rude for keeping you wait that long for a reply to such a personal message – that’s why you feel terrible. Give it some more time and see how he replies… if he is respectful and sensitive enough. I agree that it may be a lot for him, first you accuse him of blowing you off, then you want to have a serious conversation… Still, he should reply soon.

    #628390 Reply

    Shoshannah

    And if he is trying to put the blame on you in the way that you describe, then this is not ‘subtle’ and ‘nice’ but manipualtive. Anyway, nothing you can do now. Wait for his reply and see.

    #628391 Reply

    Fiona

    I would not be at all keen to meet with someone to talk about our “issues” after such a short time dating. Functional equivalent of “we need to talk”. Yuck. Men don’t like to make a big deal about talking about problems. This could have been handled in 5 minutes next time you planned to get together. I think you’re ahead of him and he feels that. You’re in a tizzy and analyzing everything. Men just don’t operate that way. I’m not saying you shouldn’t communicate, you just need to learn about men.

    #628394 Reply

    Tina

    Shoshannah it’s the first message in which I said a lot and I feel so silly for saying all that over text but I really didn’t want to meet him I was inconveniencing him.

    And yes I feel terrible because he hasn’t responded to that personal message. Trust me I am totally fine if he says he’s not feeling it anymore but through his last few texts, he’s been sending such confusing signals, that’s why I said what I did.

    I know no one is that busy to respond to a personal message unless they want to ignore you and yes if he’s that into me this text should not affect things. I guess his response or lack of it, will clear things.

    Thank you for hearing me out.

    #628395 Reply

    Tina

    Fiona he was the one who first suggested we meet and talk since he thought I wasn’t interested in him. I wasn’t the one who said we should talk about our issues…

    #628401 Reply

    L 2

    I am with Shoshannah. I think he is trying to manipulate you. I would be careful in dealing with this person. Let us know what he responds with but I wouldn’t be surprised if he disappears and then re-appears after a few days saying “YOU” threw him off and again blames you. I think he very well knows what he is doing. He makes you feel like crap when he says your meeting needs to be quick and then when you back off, he explains how he changed his plans to accommodate you. Like you said, he could have told you all this when he told you it needs to be quick. Seems like he is playing mind games.

    #628405 Reply

    Harlee

    Maybe I’m naive but it sounds to me like he had a lot going on yet still put some time aside to see you. He told you he was super busy so may just not have his phone glued to him if he’s spending time with friends and family this weekend. If he even saw your text he could just be thinking you guys can talk about it all when you see each other, as you’d already planned.

    Of course it is possible he’s being manipulative but why not give him the benefit of the doubt, assume he’s just busy and hope that everything works out when you meet to talk about things? There’s no sense worrying so much and assuming the worst.

    Good luck!

    #628407 Reply

    Tina

    Harlee thanks. Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion by assuming the worst. Hopefully he will respond and I will get my answer one way or the other.

    I am not in the best frame of mind today so all your responses are helping me get through this.

    #628432 Reply

    L 2

    Hang in there. Easier said than done but don’t let someone who hasn’t made you a priority affect you this much. You deserve better – I hope you get closure soon.

    #628439 Reply

    Tina

    L 2 i am trying to relax and yes I shouldn’t beat myself down for this but just struggling to make sense of this all. Wish I could get rid of this weird feeling.

    #628446 Reply

    Shannon

    So, he was supposed to meet you today and he’s not answering your text from before?

    Sometimes when we unload on a man via text with a lot of emotionality they need to distance themselves for a day or so. Men have trouble dealing with a woman’s feelings and upset so they often wait until they think she’s calmed down.

    #628450 Reply

    Crisula

    Tina,

    I hate to be a downer, but I really think he’s been doing a fade out.

    Furthermore, your last text was a little too needy for a guy you’ve been dating 6 weeks. He’s now aware that if he does meet you, it may be a little on the awkward side.

    Regarding him answering your text…how was he supposed to respond?

    But yes, a guy who was interested would not specify that he needed to make it ‘quick’..
    He would also have arranged to meet you sooner, and yes, he would have texted you, regardless of how busy he might be.

    Truthfully, there’s a very good chance he won’t show up…I wouldn’t text him again.

    #628451 Reply

    Tina

    Shannon our initial plan was to meet today but after he said he needs to make the meeting “quick”, I told him we should cancel plans since it seemed like I was inconveniencing him. He replied apologizing profusely for offending me and said he hoped our paths cross again. I took sometime to reply to him, during that time he changed his plan and stayed longer at his parents place. I felt terrible after reading his message so I told him if he didn’t think I was inconveniencing him, I would be happy to meet. Then he sent me a long text explaining that he was going to his parents house on Sunday (today) and was planning to leave early so he could meet me. Also he had friends visiting from out of town, etc. Now I know he could no longer meet today so I replied that I didn’t know he had just a busy weekend (since he hadn’t told me earlier) and that if he is truly looking to explore a LT relationship we should meet (another day).

    The reason I said that in my response is because previously he picked Sunday over Friday and said the meeting will need to be quick. That didn’t sit right with me.

    If he were truly interested then he would have told me why he is picking Sunday over Friday and why it needs to be quick. He used to do that in the past. I don’t want to meet him if I feel I am inconveniencing him…

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