This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 3 months, 2 weeks ago.
February 2, 2018 at 8:22 am #681984
Hi, Im really new to this forum. I just wanna ask opinions and advices from other people. I dont know how you will react just base on the words i will say. So I will start, It started when we both got news jobs separately because we used to be collegues. When they opened the restaurant he begun to be busy. But he’s still making ways to communicate and see me despite of the hustle. I began working as well in a pre opening hotel but i quit last month. So it was just for a month that i was working. January, i started noticing that he’s been busy at work and often drinking with collegues after. I am a jealous type but i am very understanding. And he’s telling me as well where he’s at and whom he’s with. We start arguing as often coz i start to be mad when he just view my messages and got late replies. And like im more focusing on the time he will be online, he will message or no. And he was really pissed off of all my drama as I am thinking of different things. I told him that he changed and that we need to talk. Because since the begginning we always solve problems and miscommunication right away. But this time he refused. He said that im just bored and doing nothing thats why am always noticing him. Like he was on the point of being mad but still being patient with me as what i can see on his face. And he told me, ” I am very simple guy. If you will make stupid things i will be mad, If you will be too much, i will shout. If you will be good , I wll be good to”. And i remembered when i said to him that i think he changed, he told me that he’s just more thinking of the future and how we will live. Actually, my boyfriend is the type of guy that you can say quite and logical. He’s always telling me that my problem is his problem and his problem is only for him. If i need to know,important things that time he will let me know. But i always insist to him that he should tell me coz im feeling useless. Still he insist not to say anything. But when he will see and notice that im quiet and thinking he will ask and insist to tell him. Actually, I dont know what’s my problem. I just feel somethings changed. Like the way we message each other before. I dont know if im selfish or too dramatic. Anyway all i want is to understand him and us. If this is just normal. We started as friends, after 4 months, we made it official to be together and now were already in our 6 month. I just want to ask for advice how i will act towards this changes? I am really confused. I will start working soon and I just want to fully understand him. Hope that you can share something with me. Thanks in advance.
February 2, 2018 at 9:02 am #681994
This is an exact story of my boyfriend with his ex. Please focus on “EX”. Yes he took it for an year and a half and left her. In tht year and a half they broke up about 15 times. In the beginning whenever they took a break or brokeup he didn’t do anything. In the end he started dating women. He would date others, sleep with them and patch up with her ditch the other women. In the end he realized that this isn’t him. He is doing all this because of all the fights, nagging, drama and constant battle. SO he gave up everything including her. We started talking while the ex was trying to come into his life. He said no to her and moved on with me. It has been 2 years with me and in one year he proposed me. You know why? There was no drama, no fights about where he’s going, who he’s going with. One time we had an argument and I threw this statement in his face, when you meet clients I don’t know who you are with…it was solely out of anger I didn’t mean it. He was so heart broken and said I wasn’t expecting that from you.
I am telling you this story because I want you to know what is going to happen with you. It isn’t boredom, it is that you’ve trust issues. It isn’t him either..you will do the same thing with any other guy.
You shouldn’t be dating. You should be single at the moment and try to work on yourself. As a human being no one has a right to make someone’s life miserable. You are making him miserable.
It is solely your fault and by getting a job or being busy isn’t going to help. My BFs GF was studying had a full time job and was a gym and yoga fanatic. Her schedule was full but she still did thus.February 3, 2018 at 7:50 am #682112
T from NY
Meena your advice was ridiculous.
Ena — I am not sure how to respond because your post is a bit confusing. Because it could be one of two different things. It could be that since you are not working, and possibly feeling a little useless, bored and frustrated that you are taking out some of your frustration and boredom on your boyfriend who is continuing his work schedule and when he tries to blow off steam by going online and doing whatever he does, and not replying to you right away you take it as rejection. Of course that’s going to cause problems and friction in the relationship.
It could be that now your boyfriend is comfortable with you he’s letting his true colors show including going out drinking with his friends more often and not paying attention to your feelings. Maybe you are just noticing him being inconsiderate and living a life like he is single instead of in a committed relationship because you now have time on your hands to see it.
At the end of the day — it doesn’t seem like you are very happy. I’m not sure how often you see him or how he treats you on dates or how good the sex is. All these factors are something you should consider. Sometimes talking to a therapist can help you figure out if it’s YOUR stuff or your partners treatment that is the problem. But at 6 months in you two should still be happy and in the honeymoon stage!! So please think about these things and take control of your life. We control a lot of our own happiness. Best to you.February 3, 2018 at 11:42 am #682127
How often do you want to see him and how often do you want to communicate?February 3, 2018 at 12:17 pm #682134
You IMO have way too much time on your hands! Why are you spending so much of your time stalking him instead of looking for work? Why are you making him the center of your world? You are projecting. What is projecting? When your not in a good place you blame it on another by find reasons, like your doing here, so you don’t have to take any ownership for your own stuff.
Men weren’t put on this earth to placate or bend to a woman’s every need, whim or desire; they were put on this earth to work, provide shelter and protection to their family. He’s doing his part but what are you bringing to the relationship other than stalking and complaining about him?
He’s not happy with you right now and when someone isn’t happy they find reasons to not be around the source of it (you). Your what I would refer to as a ‘black cloud’; someone who’s unhappy with themselves but blames another because you refuse to look into mirror—it begins and ends with you. I suggest you get a job and find some happiness outside of the relationship or he’ll eventually break up and find a woman who’s happier, independent, confident, easier and funner to be around.