This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Cari 6 months ago.
March 18, 2017 at 10:46 pm #612182
Full disclosure: I am religious and don’t believe in sex before marriage (I say that to point out that I am pretty sure this guy, who is equally religious doesn’t want a booty call or just sex).
So we met at church and at first we were causal acquaintances. Then one night we ended up at a restaurant together, it was supposed to be a church social, but we were the only ones to show up. He ends up paying for my meal and says you can’t put a price on good conversation. Turns out we have a lot in common. Anyway I private messaged him on Facebook and we started talking. Nothing serious, just sharing stuff we thought was funny. Then I start flirting with him and I invited him to coffee. He initially accepted, but then canceled. I continue flirting with him on Facebook and ask if I can join him to the movies he was going with as a group. To my surprise, he tells me that he doesn’t need anymore friends and that I need to stop messaging him. I say that I respected his honesty, but I hoped that I still see him at church. I thought that would be the end of it. I go about my business. A few days later, he messaged me and apologizes, says he would like to get to know me better. I said ok, but I don’t want this to become an online only thing, that I’d need to hang out with him too. (I had just broken up with a guy, where we only talked online, I didn’t want false intimacy issues). We agree to talk once a week via messenger, where I would tell my conversion story.
After a few months of doing this I assumed I was on the friendship train. I invite him and his friends as well as my friends over for a party. We had a good time, in fact he messaged me the next day telling me so. Then all of the sudden he starts teasing me at church bible study. It’s gotten to the point where my friends are starting to notice. We continue to message each other weekly. He then asks me for coffee. I accept. We meet. He arrives a few minutes late. I initiate physical contact, but nothing from him. Nothing changes, he still teases me and only me. I’ve suggest a few things we could do together, but he has not acted on the hints either saying he is too busy, or ignored it all together.
Another weird thing is that he messaged me wanting advice on how to get rid of a girl he didn’t like. Because of this, I think that I am definitely in the friend zone because why would he tell a girl he likes that the invited another girl over to his house. Although he was pretty adamant that he didn’t like her. Also in the same convo he denied that he intentionally flirts with woman.
I am confused and frustrated.March 18, 2017 at 11:52 pm #612194
Hi-His interest is in the friend zone or possibly low romantic interest if no one-else he likes is available. I would be very casual/friendly with him and look for guys that actually want to date you.March 19, 2017 at 12:05 am #612195
Does he snap your bra and pull your pigtails too??March 19, 2017 at 12:06 am #612196
Yes, I’m afraid Peggy nailed it. He’s had more than enough time to make a move – whatever he’s motives were, what he’s doing is not enough; otherwise you will always be confused and frustrated. Consider him a friend if you like to, but look elsewhere for romantic interests. (And you can mention to him once you’ve found one… small, sweet revenge)March 19, 2017 at 12:26 am #612197
The bad news is he is not into you. He is having fun passing time and flirting, but doesn’t want to take things further. The good news is you should now know that when a guy does like you, you won’t have to wonder like this. He will ask you out. It is simple really. So up and on to finding someone else, and it will be easier and better, I promise.March 19, 2017 at 12:45 am #612199
If it were me..I would chill with the chasing guys…let them take the initiative sometimes. You don’t continuously message them and you never ask guys if you can join them at the movies. If he wanted you to go, he would have asked you and it would have saved you both from that embarrassing moment.
However, if he was into you…he would have said yes to joining him at the movies… and he certainly wouldn’t have asked you to stop messaging him.
But please don’t do that anymore….March 19, 2017 at 1:49 am #612209
Thank you all. I knew he wasn’t into me like that, it was my stupid girlfriends who were making me second guess myself. @Crisula, believe me I know not to chase guys, the movie thing was back when I thought we were friends. You don’t ask your friends to tag along if you know they’re going out?March 19, 2017 at 1:58 am #612211
let’s be real…you wanted more than friendship…he knew it and so did you. For him to add not to message him anymore..he was loud and clear that you were pestering him.
Don’t listen to your girlfriends. I still have all my friends from high school and I still don’t listen to them.
But let a guy take the initiative next time…believe me, they like to pursue…they like the chase. When they show you attention first and ask you out .. feels better, yes?..March 19, 2017 at 2:55 am #612212
@crisula I definitely agree with you. I realize now that in that moment I may have come across a little too strong. I actually went back and looked at the messages, I am actually describing it has harsher than it was. He actually said that he would rather stick to his core group and need time for himself since it had been a long year. A couple of days later he would apologize and say that he enjoyed talking to me but that he didn’t want to waste my time or think that he was ignoring me. So I agree that if he liked me romantically he would have asked me out, but having looked back at the messages I don’t think I was pestering him. So I definitely think there is room for a friendship. For the record I am looking into online dating so I am not putting my eggs in one basket so to speak.March 19, 2017 at 7:37 am #612222
Whenever you initiate contact you risk rejection….whether it is a friendship or more.
But, the good news is you get to know where you stand. Are you higher on the list or lower?
Many many women initiate contact today…but I have to caution you….when a woman starts the program she will not know if a guy responds out of politeness or real interest…
For that reason I believe in letting the man lead.March 19, 2017 at 8:00 am #612226
No difference. If he likes you he will chase you. Sit back ad let him work.March 20, 2017 at 10:14 pm #612752
I’ve decided that I need to put my money where my mouth is and not give him the time of day, but easier said then done. I see him weekly. Any tips? I apparently can’t give this guy the cold shoulder although I really want to. I will not message him anymore and that I have control over, but in person I’m helpless. I found myself laughing at a sexual joke directed at me and I’m pissed at myself.March 20, 2017 at 10:55 pm #612756
He’s an ass.
you’re silly chasing him.
find a different church group.
never give the time of day to a guy who doesn’t want you.
Your last post suggests…you are going to continue to be silly.
In your heart ..You know what to do…you just don’t wish to do it and ate still clinging onto a dream thst he shall want you. He. ..won’t. he’s a two bit, dime a dozen, waste of space.March 20, 2017 at 11:51 pm #612765
Ok am I the only one who feels like he was asking her for advice on how to get rid of a girl, with her being the girl he was trying to get rid of?
weird, he told you he wasn’t interested and didn’t need anymore friends….well she should have left you alone.
He KNEW you were interested in him so he was stringing you along.
Definitely continue to not give this guy anymore of your time. Don’t continue to ask a guy out after they tell you they’re not interested and turn you down the first time. He’s not worth it.March 20, 2017 at 11:53 pm #612766
HE should have left you alone, not SHE. SorryMarch 20, 2017 at 11:55 pm #612768
Unnecessarily harsh much? I don’t intend to actively pursue him anymore in that I am making the conscious choice to not message him. Likewise are you seriously suggesting I leave the group because of 1 guy; no guy should have that kind of power. If it was my job, and not volunteer, would you tell me the same thing? (I work at the church). I agree with “never give the time of day to a guy who doesn’t want you,” but what exactly does that look like, when he makes jokes and I laugh, or when we have random conversations afterwards. Should I not be polite at all and just get up and leave the minute service is over? There is a natural camaraderie.March 21, 2017 at 12:06 am #612770
@cari, I’m pretty sure I’m not the girl he was talking about because 1. he has never invited me over; 2. he messaged me a few days afterwards, when my advice was to either be honest with her or stop talking to her. I agree with your other points, “he should have left me alone” and “I shouldn’t give him anymore of my time.” For the record, I have not asked him out except to socials with mutual friends, since being rejected. I have hinted at things, but never directly asked.March 21, 2017 at 12:23 am #612771
No, of course, don’t leave your group. And he doesn’t really know what you feel. He may have his suspisions, but… no proof. Which is great, because you can play it cool. Play it cool, don’y give your power away (I’m sorry, you sound like a kind of person who would find power plays very immature, but dating life is often about them), but… forget about him. No matter what his reasons are, he will not step up, the message is very clear, even if he did, he would just play you and you don’t want this. Look for someone who is as mature and responsible as you are (you sound mature and responsible, and the guy – very much below you).March 21, 2017 at 5:54 am #612790
You sound completely indecisive.
4. choices…1. stick with the same bull.
2. ignore him totally at anytime you meet him.
3. reach a happy compromise. chat for a few mins then leave him. small talk. ..about the weather.
4. be his friend and nothing else.
it’s not…rocket science.
I think 2 is your only option but like I said.. you are indecisive.
you’ll go round in circles still posting about the same crap.March 21, 2017 at 9:27 am #612825
Ok I misunderstood. Well I definitely feel that you are doing the right thing by keeping him at bay and not asked him out anymore. Good luck to you!