This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by T from NY 8 months, 3 weeks ago.
May 29, 2017 at 10:30 pm #630415
Just wanted to ask your opinions on something I am seeing as a red flag.
I have been in a relationship with my man for 15 months now and am living with him. I used to have his attention all the time when we were out in public but lately I’m noticing him looking around as though he’s searching for something. We were at a concert the other night and although he had had a bit to drink, he was constantly looking around as though he was looking for someone or something?? And then at the beach on the weekend whilst walking his dog, we came across an attractive younger lady walking her dog and he appeared to almost be flirting with her. I could tell by his mannerisms and the way he laughed that there was a connection…should I be worried or am I over analysing things?May 30, 2017 at 3:52 am #630458
It sounds like you are already worried. The thing I’ve noticed is that we all have our own answers inside of us but we just don’t want to face the truth. GUT INSTINCT ALWAYS RULES.If pattern changes etc aren’t good enough for us, we must face what our gut tells us.
At this point you need to ask him what’s going on. Of course you will doubtfully get an honest answer so you have a decision to make. Don’t be some fool’s doormat. Good luck.June 4, 2017 at 2:05 pm #631656
T from NY
Men can be clueless. And sometimes people grow apart. I would absolutely have a discussion about this with my man if it was happening. But you will do well to remember to talk to him in guy-speak so that he will hear you better.
I would start out by pointing out some things you love about him and how good of a boyfriend he is in other areas. But then say you’ve noticed a behavior that makes you feel disrespected. Talk about how when the behavior of checking out other women in front of you happens — it makes you question his feelings for you and the quality of your relationship because you want someone who’s fully present with you and on the same page. End the convo by asking if he needs time to think about why he might be doing that and ask him what he is communicating to you when he acts like that.
Overall being very firm about your feelings but low key an unemotional are essential to making him feel safe enough to possibly answer you honestly. Also not asking him for an explanation or resolution right away lessens the pressure he may feel to lie and just placate you. I’m not saying this will happen — but sometimes if one partner is losing interest they will come clean if it’s brought up in a non-threatening way and it’s actually a relief for the person to unburden themselves. Also — have your looks changed at all while you’ve been together? That absolutely can be a factor for men beginning to ‘look around’ as they are visual creatures. Or it could be it’s just something unconscious he’s doing and once you point it out he will be more careful.
If he completely gaslights you or just blows you off — I would watch to see if the behavior continues (as well as any other disrespectful actions) and then YOU make the decision if you want to stay with a guy who acts that way.