Is he just not that into me or did I jump the gun?

Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Is he just not that into me or did I jump the gun?

This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Pop 12 months ago.

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  • #635319 Reply


    I met this guy on an online dating app and we went out about 8 times. Right from the beginning, I told him I was looking for a serious relationship and he said he was as well. Personally, if I go out with someone for more than 3 times, it means I like that person enough to want to see that person exclusively and ultimately be in a relationship.

    However, he did not share that same view. He said he has his own pace of doing things and he wants to know that person very well before committing. I guess I was getting impatient by the 8th date that we weren’t seeing each other exclusively, it was never brought up.
    So I decided to stop dating him and told him we should just be friends instead. Ever since that day, he never texted me or asked me out like he used to. This made me think he probably never really liked me and only enjoyed my company. I was hoping he will pursue me but he didn’t. :(
    At the same time I wonder if I was being too impatient and not going with the flow. I admit I was also safeguarding myself because somehow my gut tells me he doesn’t really like me. I always felt this anxiety and I was worried he might be stringing me along.

    Last year he told me he dated 3 girls concurrently who were interested in him. Then his friend told him not to lead them on and pick one. He realised he did not like any of them and so ended things with them.

    What do you guys think?

    #635320 Reply


    Three dates is hardly enough time to know a complete strangers met online, it took me eight dates to even have sex with my bf, now husband. What is your rush?

    I think his timing was more reasonable and it’s fair to say that if a man doesn’t make you an exclusive and gf by about 3 months, he probably won’t. But a man who commits after only a few dates is usually the same guy who bails on you 2-3 months in.

    #635323 Reply


    “He dated 3 girls concurrently and realized he didn’t like any one of them…” Yeah, you dodged a bullet. If we’re going on multiple dates and you genuinely like me back, I’m going to expect some commitment cause we’re adults and I’m not going to waste my time with someone whose just lollygagging my energy and time for the hell of it. We’re mature adults, either choose to commit or get away from me. The taking time to “feel things out” aka have sex with you and do everything one does in a relationship without the relationship title then leaves when he either gets it or doesn’t is what this is. Your gut instincts were right. Don’t look back.

    #635324 Reply


    He does not know what he wants

    If you do know what you want, then he is not right for you.

    #635327 Reply


    Three dates and you want to be exclusive? That’s not rational! And no sensible man would share your view. I think he’s still dating girls concurrently. Get over it and move on.

    #635340 Reply


    The OP said 8 dates, not 3 dates. They had 8 dates.

    I think you made the right decision. A man would know if he likes a woman enough by the 3-4 date. If your gut tells you he is not into you enough do not override it.

    A person who dates three girls concurrently, think about it deeper, imagine the day to day logistics of this. He lies to them all essentially. You did dodge a bullet. Just because he said he wants a relationship does not make him a good BF material.

    #635383 Reply


    I think 8 dates was reasonable enough to be exclusively dating, maybe even three if you really hit it off. Everyone has different dating styles and most times those dating styles have to match each other usually but not always.

    I agree with Emma, you dodged a bullet.

    #635394 Reply


    Emma ~ This is what she wrote:”Personally, if I go out with someone for more than 3 times, it means I like that person enough to want to see that person exclusively and ultimately be in a relationship. However, he did not share that same view”.

    Yes, they went out ‘about’ 8 times, but she wants the guy to be exclusive after 3 dates and most guys would NOT agree with that. Funny she should say about 8 times. I’m sure she knows exactly how many times they went out.

    When women write and say they have some doubt about a guy, most of the advice given here is to date other guys. Is not that concurrent dating? He might be dating others and what’s wrong with that? It’s called casual dating. He probably lied to her as to his intentions.

    #635499 Reply


    Absolutely nothing wrong with casual dating if they both acknowledge and agree upon

    #635500 Reply


    Absolutely nothing wrong with casual dating if they both acknowledge and agree upon

    #635505 Reply


    I think you’re mixing everything together and jumping the gun. What happened in his and your past is not relevant to your current relationship. Also, 8 dates is way too soon for most people to tell if they want to be in a relationship. Sounds like you’re letting your own fears and anxiety run the show. Stop trying to force men to make a premature decision about you. It won’t bring you security, and all it will do is turn nice men off.

    #635512 Reply

    she aint me

    I have a question for you, did you have sex with him???

    First of all, when you meet a guy have standards / qualifications, what does he have to do do EARN your time. OK, then dating is basically for you to get to know if he’s even worth your time. IF he meets your standards- you guys can to TALK about commitment & see if your on the same page. If he’s doesn’t see you as “exclusive” material just appreciate his honesty & be glad he dint string you along. Find someone that appreciates you & puts you up on a pedestal. Definitely don’t beat yourself up about it (even if you did have sex with him) There are no loses in life just lessons. When you know better you do better.

    Also, men respect women with standards so just slow down & get to know what type of man he is so you can make a better judgment about your future

    #635515 Reply


    Thanks everyone for the replies. I’ve reade every one of them. I was anxious and put a timeline because i could not feel he really likes me and wants to know me better. With orher guys i dated who eventually became my boyfriends, i knew they liked me and was serious about seeking a relationship.
    Yes i slept with him after the 3rd date. Another thing is he always asks me out for lunch/dinner last minute and we never do anything else besides eating and drinking. He also often asked me over to his place for a swim and that would lead to making out. :
    I dont want to rush a guy to commit but how do you weed out those guys who simply will not commit? This guy says he wants a relationship but his actions say otherwise. I keep thinking maybe im not what he is really looking for in a relationship but i am good enough to stick around for the time being while he keeps his options open

    #635518 Reply


    Trust your gut and move on to someone you don’t question.

    #635525 Reply


    If your gut says you do not feel the guy really likes you then I am confused.

    I normally would not sleep with someone I did not think liked me. And to me it takes more than three dates to see if I like him. I take my time and scope a person out…that means I meet friends and family…this is all important to getting to know someone, what they are about and if I respect them…I do not sleep with someone unless I can respect them in the morning.

    I think your are in a rush…where is the fire?

    #635533 Reply


    Well I agree you dodged a bullet on this one. From your follow up information, it sounds like it was very casual for the guy. I agree, you were being treated casually. When they say trust your gut, it really means something!
    I think you weed out men by getting to know them WITHOUT intimacy. I’m actively dating and, like you, I used to tend to be in a relationship mode fast and that resulted in some annoying situations. So now I go out with new men maybe a few times without expectations.

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