Is he being rude?


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This topic contains 34 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Amanda 1 week, 6 days ago.

Viewing 25 posts - 1 through 25 (of 35 total)
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  • #676992 Reply

    Lil

    Nearly 3 years ago I dated a man briefly. On hindsight there were a lot of red flags like he kept talking about his ex and he was hot and cold etc, but I was naive then. I didn’t pick up the red flags instead I fell hard for him. It was painful but I learned my lesson and quickly moved on.

    Now I’m living with my partner, doing a job i like. Life is good and I hardly remember this guy until a month ago, I bumped into him in a shopping mall near my work. He recognised me first and called out my name. I was just surprised, with no other feelings for him. I politely answered a few of his questions such as where i live and work nowadays. He then asked us to exchange phone number. Later that day he texted me saying ‘nice to see you, catch up sometimes?’ I replied ‘ was such a coincidence, would be nice to catch up.’ The next day he replied ‘I’ll call you.’

    I then forgot about this until just after New Year. I thought,’ maybe it’s more friendly to reply him’ so I sent a simple ‘Happy New Year.’ to him.

    The next day he replied ‘same to you. shall we catch up over lunch this week or next week?’

    I replied ‘cool, I’m free any day.’

    It was 3 days ago and He has not replied. Of course I don’t care about it, like I said before, I love my boyfriend and have no feelings for this man. But I think it’s rude of him to suggest a lunch meet-up but then no follow up? I don’t care if I don’t see him again in my life, but I’m just wondering if he’s being rude this way?

    #676993 Reply

    Jada

    I think its rude , so i would say forget the lunch and catching up girl.

    #676996 Reply

    Amanda

    If you have a partner, why would you consider “catching-up” with a man you dated briefly and fell hard for? And yes, it is rude. But that seems beside the point here.

    #676997 Reply

    Lil

    I’ll never pursue anything romantic with this man because 1)I’m in a relatinship and 2) I don’t have romantic feelings for him any more. I agreed to catch up because I wanted to take the opportunity to show him that I’m doing well on my own (3 years ago I came to this city by myself, knowing nobody and was jobless, now I have a respectable job, a partner who loves me so I’m proud of myself).

    But I think Jada is right, he is being rude so I’m not going to have anything to do with him even if he gets back to me.

    #676998 Reply

    Aida

    If you love your boyfriend why are you reaching out to this guy?

    And if you learned your lesson back then why are you asking us now if he’s being rude? Sure, he’s being rude, and his behavior is a red flag that he’s unreliable and unavailable. But you know that. The question is, why do you care?

    #676999 Reply

    Ellen

    Men and even some women say crap like that all the time without meaning it. I think you shouldn’t even be meeting him since you already have a partner and you say yourself you fell hard for him. Sorry to be hard, but just saying why I think.

    #677000 Reply

    redcurleysue

    Lots of people say lots of words to get together sometime in the future but it is not set in stone. It is being friendly and open…no more than that.

    Do not take words and polite gestures to have deep meaning and you will feel better.

    #677001 Reply

    Honeypie

    What does your partner say? My guess is you haven’t told him right? Now have a think before you lose your head.

    #677003 Reply

    Hannah

    He was always hot and cold so why did you expect any different this time?

    How would you feel if your bf was texting and arranging to meet an ex he used to be really into? I’m not sure I’d be very happy. Did you even tell this guy you were attached?

    I think you should focus on the man you have and stop trying to impress a man who didn’t treat you nicely.

    #677005 Reply

    Lil

    I thought it would be different this time because we are not dating, just a casual catch up, so I thought he would follow up but i was wrong.

    I was into him 3 years ago, but it didn’t last long and so much has happened and changed, and when I bumped into him a month ago I didn’t have any feelings for him, I knew it from my heart.

    I have told my partner that I bumped into someone I once dated. I didn’t tell him that this man had suggested a catch up because it was all up in the air. There is nothing for me to hide from him.

    However as I’ve said, I don’t think I’m keen to meet this man again

    #677007 Reply

    henriette

    Seems to me you’re still hung up on this man. You’re curious enough to ask if he’s rude. Interested enough to keep the conversation going and sending him messages. You are annoyed that he’s not getting around to the catching up….

    I feel for your boyfriend in all this. I doubt he deserves you keeping in contact and trying to reconnect with an ex you fell for hard

    #677009 Reply

    L

    I’m starting the ‘denial’ school in February. WAnt to join?

    #677012 Reply

    Lane

    I think the ruder one here is you! Honestly your trying to meet a man you were in love with behind your partner’s back and you don’t find that to be rude to him? Show your partner the texts between the two of you; tell him he ‘stood you up’; and then ask him if he thinks the guy was rude. Your partner’s answer is the only that truly matters in this equation so you should have asked his opinion first and then came here if it didn’t bode well.

    #677015 Reply

    Wendy

    You still care at all what this man thinks of you, enough to go behind your current partner’s back and meet him for lunch so you can rub his nose in what he missed out on, so in truth you aren’t over him. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is really what you are doing. Your response should have been, I’m doing well and am with a great guy, so nice to see you again but I wouldn’t feel right meeting up, take care.

    #677016 Reply

    Wendy

    You still care at all what this man thinks of you, enough to go behind your current partner’s back and meet him for lunch so you can rub his nose in what he missed out on, so in truth you aren’t over him. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is really what you are doing. Your response should have been, I’m doing well and am with a great guy, so nice to see you again but I wouldn’t feel right meeting up, take care.

    #677017 Reply

    ash

    Just stop talking to him. He’s not worth the headache that could come from it. Delete his number.

    #677022 Reply

    Amanda Rocks

    So the hot and cold guy is back and guess what hes hot and cold. Too funny. You need to learn lessons the first time round girl x

    #677024 Reply

    Emma

    Yes it is rude of him.

    You should not have sent him a congrats text. Tickled his ego. Men often interpret things like that as “signs of interest”. Mature men don’t but hot and cold weasels do. LOL

    #677041 Reply

    Jan

    He played you again.

    #677043 Reply

    Anne

    Tell your boyfriend you bumped into him exchanged numbers, texted, and are disappointed he didn’t meet you for a date.

    That is rude on your part.

    #677049 Reply

    Khadija

    I hate to state the obvious but, exchanging numbers and setting a meet was out of line.

    If the shoe was on the other foot, we’d tell you to question if this guy is serious about you.

    There is no reason to catch up with an old flame. Should he reach out again please don’t take the bait and ignore the message.

    Don’t play with fire.

    #677061 Reply

    kaye

    Totally agree with Wendy. You had every chance when you ran into him to let him know you’re happy and living with your boyfriend and have a great job. There is no reason you should feel the need to “catch up” with this guy to tell him that. I’m glad he didn’t follow through because you could ruin a really good relationship with your partner over something stupid like this.

    #677074 Reply

    Lacey

    The next day he replied ‘same to you. shall we catch up over lunch this week or next week?’

    I replied ‘cool, I’m free any day.’

    Lil, you don’t realize it but you just telegraphed to him you are still interested and available. Don’t tell a guy like this you’re free any day. Don’t make it that easy for him. His ego has been sufficiently stoked so he doesn’t actually need to meet you for lunch. Unless he gets bored again and wants to see how far he can get with you. And this is where the slope gets slippery. You go to lunch, he makes a veiled or overt pass and suddenly, you have these “feelings” for him and wonder why it didn’t work out and wonder if it maybe could now and next thing you know, your current BF finds out and dumps you and Mr Hot/Cold disappears again and you are left empty-handed.

    #677075 Reply

    Ana

    Many people suggest catching up with no real commitment. He suggested a two-week opening and you replied vaguely. Yet… you are expecting him to pursue as if he still had romantic interest? Or at least in a hot/cold way, he has been following that pattern. If this was truly a catch up with an old friend, there would be no reason that you shouldn’t be the one to text back with a time and place. And he is being mildly rude, but again, since you replied in non-committed way, he is free to contact you anytime in those two-weeks. He doesn’t have to reply within three days – or ever.

    Think about how you would be interacting if this wasn’t an old flame but anyone else from your past. Most likely, you would either care so little about meeting up that you wouldn’t give it a thought whether they replied or not – or if you wanted to meet up, you would initiate something. Or confront them. Something. And if he was just being an old friend, he may assume that you don’t care either way.

    However, I agree with the others here. This doesn’t sounds like an old friends meet-up. He is playing with you. Delete number and move on (or if you want closure, reply that you don’t think meeting is a good idea, then move on).

    #677078 Reply

    Pantomime Horse

    The OP should bear in mind the Russian saying: “He who tries to catch two rabbits catches neither”.

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