Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › is he actually intrested? or he just wants sex?
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Amy.
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Ruth
I met this guy online and I’ve been on 3 dates with him and two of those were at his house where we watched movies and one thing lead to another..we didn’t have sex but were sexually active. He messages me everyday but takes a long time to reply and our conversations are not personal..they aren’t the typical ‘get to know you type of conversation’ that I’d like it to be. We just talk about his work and the weekend but he doesn’t say much in his text messages, I think he might be a little shy or just doesn’t know how to keep a conversation going. I was a bit frustrated with that coz he works a full time job everyday so he’s barely free and a decent flowing conversation to keep things going till I see him again would be nice. Anyways I stopped replying to his text coz I felt they were pointless but a few days after he texts me again trying to start a conversation..what do I do? He is possibly seeing other people he met on the site aswell. He doesn’t know my frustration..I just pretend I don’t mind and to give him a taste of his own medicine, I try and not say much when I reply to his texts and I try take just as long to reply back to his messages coz I don’t want him to think I’m more interested. A few tips on what to do would be great, thanks!
Mel
1st off you should be dating other guys as well. and second there is no way to tell, most likely it is just sex considering his communication habit and the fact that two out of three dates has been at his home. Don’t be surprised if he ghosts out on you.
LAgirl
totally agree with Mel.
Dont do dates at a man house!!! he only wants sex with you.
If he isnt taking you on proper dates.. he only wants a hookup
Cheree
Literally going through the same thing right now, except the dates were not at his house. He literally made me feel like a goddess, and now boom. The second he realized heavy petting didnt lead to sex, he disappears. Guys are animals, and then they wonder why some of us fuck with them.
Hannah
Hey,
Not to intrude on the post but I am having a similar issue. I met a guy online and we had been texting a few days and finally agreed to meet. We went out to a pub last night, and things went pretty well. Then when we were texting he said “we should do something more informal next time”. What does that mean?
Ivy
Hannah, We can all guess what that means, house date, but it’s pointless cause even if we are right it is what it is. So here is what I would do. Text back, “I look forward to seeing you again, what do you suggest”. That means out with it man! And he says “how about a movie at my place and chinese” and you say, “That sounds great, but I don’t do house dates this early on, I like to get to know someone, have any other suggestions?” and you let him answer. If he’s willing to take you on a date and get to know you then he might be a keeper, if he fades, he wants a hookup. Also remember some guys test girls, they want to know how little work he can invest to get the cookie so to speak, it sucks but some do this. So you just communicate you terms and conditions, it’s honest, it’s not game playing you want to know him better and he can take it or leave it.
Ruth, If you want to know if a guy just wants sex, unfortunately you can either do two things, one have sex with him fast before knowing him and see if he disappears, or two, get to know him without sex and see if he stays. It’s pretty much your choice, it’s not to be a game, or anything just make it about your wants or your values. Last, I only suggest having sex early on if you are ok, if he disapears. Remember, men like sex, they can have sex with someone they don’t even like, if you want to be sure how a man feels about you before having sex with him then you have to know him before sex.
Ruth
Thank you guys so much, this has definitely helped a lot.
Lara
I was actually browsing through and I came across this question, it has made my day. I love how I can easily relate to every single question and the answers are exactly what I was expecting but did not really want to consider.
My situation is as follows I met a guy online a few weeks back and had been texting for about a week, I really like him btw… We finally met in person last Sunday where? His Loft, as we comfortably watched a movie and waited for take out the inevitable happened we had sex!! and it was amazing but although I can happily and confidently say I wanted to happen, we as women are still left with the self doubt of “He will not call me back” “He will only want to hook up” and all those killing thoughts. I’d like to say that he made it very clear that he wants to get to know me more and he called back immediately after I left his loft. My question is… His birthday is this Thursday and he mentioned a dinner but he did not invite me, is it too soon? should I be expecting him to invite me? We have talked about going out again, making arrangements to see each other but I’m left completely clueless, why does this always happen when you really like the guy?? Should I get him a present what do I DO?? -Ivy I enjoyed reading your answers.Queenie
Ivy, I wouldn’t worry about getting him a gift or trying to go to his birthday dinner yet. You cant act as his girlfriend if that title has not yet been established. By sleeping with him you gave him privileges he did not earn & so he may never step up to wanting to be your bf or exclusive as long as you continue acting as his girlfriend if you are not. He may continue to pursue you in order to keep the supply of sex and without the commitment. I say play it cool & keep seeing other people. You can also keep sleeping with him if that is what you want but you can’t expect him to act as a boyfriend solely based on that.
lara
Thank you Queenie. I will. He does text quite a lot and is very sweet but I guess its like you mentioned… the supply of sex is driving him to be so freaking amazing.
Stefanie
Lara… to answer your question about “why does this happen when you really like the guy”… because you shagged him too fast and now you expect something. It is very rare that translates into a relationship. And just because you shagged him once doesn’t buy you into his birthday dinner.
shae
Hi All I’m also in a similar predicament I had a fortune telling done on my future I travel abroad and I meet the man I was told about we been going on dates and he randomly calls me coz he misses me and we have already been intimate he even said he loves me but recently I got my monthly and he asked me to stay at hes place and I brushed him off Cuz its that time of the month and he got upset coz he said he isn’t asking me to stay coz he.he want to have Sex with me but he just missed me etc am I wrong for thinking that he is like other random guys.
Kirsty
Hi all iv have been reading the posts . First off you can hold out on sex or not. No one can predict the out come , for example if you don’t have sex to soon he may just be waiting until he does get sex or if you do supposedly have sex to soon he may have got what he wants so do what feels right for you . If it feels right then go for it of I lt doesn’t then don’t. Follow your gut instinct . I have been in a couple of positions where I went for it and it didn’t work out , it was clear the guy got all he wanted but even Iv I had left 3 months if that’s all he wanted then he would have enjoyed the chase for that long. I really hope this makes sense . I met someone a couple of months ago and I had that fear of what if I have sex and he disappears and guess what he didn’t , he still with me and we still can’t help our selfs but it’s not what I think about all time. I rarely think about it , it’s only when it happens , like it is just so natural. When were are not in that that moment it’s very sweet and caring and just simply very cute and lovely and then we find ourself wrapped up and intimate and after it goes back to being very sweet and caring and just simply cute and lovely and believe it or not men and woman who want relationships want the same thing , comfort , understanding and love for who one another trulry are. A man or woman can have a front but when we meet a match we show who we really are and that can only happen if we truly feel at ease with who we are and that we love who we are. It’s always your choice and you must feel that the decision you made came from you.
Kirsty
I like to add to the last post that we already established we were together before we were intimate. Our dates were in public and our 3rd date was a visit to him in hospital and whole lot of talking in between and them our first proper night together came after all of that. We had already verbally established that we wanted a relationship with each other before any intimacy happened and when It did happen it made it more real on a physical level and mental level. I don’t know through all the mistakes which were always apparent right after this just feels worlds apart , it’s very special and just simply lovely.
Hope this helps k
sara
I’m going through some relationship issues and I need major help.
I’ve been dating a guy since 6 months and everything seemed great at first but then things started changing. I know I made a mistake by being very needy and kept bugging him. Above all I used to talk to my friends about my relationship issues and obe day he read my conversation and got pissed but that eventually got sorted. 3 days back he told me he isn’t over his ex as it was a long relationship of 3 years and he needed time. When he started with me he was ready to move on but my behavior is disturbing him and now he thinks we rushed things and should have gotten to know each other as he isn’t able to figure out how to handle me. He asked me to start over as friends. I clearly asked him if he was seeing is ex again but he denied it and said that he is with me only . Also he agreed when I asked that what he wants is that we remain in a relationship but kind off take a break as friends. Anyways then I didn’t contact him and after one day just one day he texts me and tells me he misses me. And then he asks me“What if after some time I want to get back with you. And you like someone else”
And he at one point is calling me his girl and at the same time a friend. He made it clear he’s doing it so that when a guy asks me if I’m single I have no reply. I really like him. We’re having casual talks and i think we might connect at a different level this time. Right now we’re having major exams and maybe he’s stressed out or something? I’m so confused about what he
wants. I really really like this guy and I want him back in my life. Please please help me out and tell me how to get him back. We were having a random conversation and he said romantic sex happens between couples. I said so we’re not a couple to which he said we’re on a break. He wants to meet me and invited me to his house. I don’t know what’s going on. Is it really a break or what ?Kirsty
Sara only you can decide. It sounds like he is trying to figure out what he wants and unfortunately this left you hanging because he hasn’t completely cut the ties between you which I don’t feel is fair to you. Sometimes we are so concerned about what the other person wants that we try to make them feel ok all the time when we are hurting . You have a responsibility to yourself to make you happy. There is no point trying to work out how he feels you have work out how you feel and do right by you.
Christy
Not to intrude – but do y’all mind helping me with my question too? SOS
Kirsty
Hi christy i do t mind trying to help
Britt
I’m going through a semilar situation. I met this guy online and after a few months talking online and texting we met a month ago. He did tell me from the beginning that he still needed some freedom in a relationship, and i totally agree with him. He also wants to keep our relationship (our whatever we have right now) a secret untill he is sure about a serious relationship. And in a way I also agree on that, because I don’t want to introduce him to my friends and family untill I’m sure our relationship could work. I have told a few good friends about him but they haven’t met.
The problem is that since we had sex, he barely texts me, except when he wants to pick me up and go to his appartment (and I know what he wants then). Everytime I ask him to meet he can’t, and when I ask him if he’s free next week he responds with: “I don’t know I haven’t made any plans yet.” And thats it. And then I’m just sitting there thinking ‘well maybe we could make plans you idiot’ but i’m afraid to say that to him. I just don’t know what to do, I hate myself for liking him so much and feel stupid for sleeping with him. Do I just have to let it go? Do I have to talk about it with him?
LAgirl
Sweetie he is using you.
When a man keeps you a secret and when he will only see you for sex and it’s when HE is available… Can’t you see that is not a relationship?
If you want a real relationship, it’s not with this one.
He’s keeping you a secret so that he can either not upset a current gf, or because he wants to keep his options open and keep seeing other women.
Ashley
Hi Ruth,
I think you may have started off a little wrong with having a date at his house. It kind of makes him think that you aren’t worth more than a hookup at home. Make him work for it and woo you and take you out on dates. If you see that he isn’t interested in doing any of the things above then move on. All he wants is sex if he isn’t trying to take you out on a real date.Harley
Hi – I just had a very similar experience. Met someone online who seemed perfect – really interested in me and happy to put some effort in, said all the right / reassuring things. Things moved quite fast and we ended up at his place on date 3 and of course one thing led to another. The next day he’s slightly off but says he’s still interested. After weeks of constant messaging and calls etc suddenly hes gone quiet for a day and then sends me a text saying that hes not over his ex and things developing between us have made him realise he needs time to get himself together. It came totally out of left field and now Im wondering have I been played and the ‘ex’ is just a rubbish excuse or whether its a genuine reason. I guess in the end it doesnt matter but it’s left me really hurt since he made out like this was really going somewhere longer term.
Harley
No….It doesn’t matter what the reason is.will it make you feel any better to know ??? it happens us a..just breathe deep and move on. ignore him if he gets back in touch. just take it day to day
buttercup
Not over the ex is a classic excuse! Even I’ve used that one to back away from a man and so have all my friends!
Harley
I feel so stupid now. Like why would I believe all the things this guy has been saying. The ex issue had never cropped up before so I had thought it was fine. and even before we had sex I had said how I didnt want to unless it was headed somewhere and he had reassured me. I can’t believe I was so blind-sided by this guy.
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