Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I'm tired of meeting guys who want different things
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 7 months, 2 weeks ago by
ALLYSA.
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ALLYSA
Hi guys,
This website has helped me a lot in terms of finding the “right person”.
I’ve been married once for 6 years, been in a few relationships after, but now I’m just sick and tired of meeting men who only wants short term or open relationships and casual.
I’ve gotten to know guys, placed boundaries, took advice from this website, but I’m too tired to find someone, but I also want someone who I can commit too, but in order to do that I have to find someone I’m compatible with, who’s willing to put an effort into the relationship, communicate. None of the guys want that when I do, so I’m left feeling like it’s a one sided relationship. When the going gets tough, I try to make it work, but the guys don’t want that.
This is what I do, I meet a guy I’m interested in, get to know him, tell him I’d rather wait for sex until we get to know each other, then disappears after I tell him that. The guys who are willing to wait for sex, we find that we’re just not compatible in the bedroom, then he disappears. Then I tried telling them I’d rather have sex when we’re committed, that didn’t work either, they’d rather have sex before commitewnt as apparently, that’s what guys do in order to find out if a girl is the one…it ends up with me not being the one.
I just want a guy who will take the lead and tell me I’m the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Why is this so hard to do. Its not like I’m gonna have sex after marriage. I’d rather have sex to see if we’re compatible before or after, but that’s still not working.
Like my ex husband, he waited until I was ready, we eventually had sex after the 5th daye, we were compatible and he told all his friends and family about me saying I was the girl he wanted to marry. I didn’t have to communicate what I wanted. I just knew and he knew. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to compare, but I want a guy who sees a future with me.
How can I keep my hopes up in finding a guy who is going to see a future with me?
How do I stop getting my hopes up.
ALLYSA
Can I just add, when a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship then I leave straight away. I don’t pursue it further.
If a guy ghosts me, I straight away go NC, I don’t chase him. I make sure he takes lead, if not I move on.
If a guy just wants sex, I block him.
How many of those men do I have to go through in order to find one I’m compatible with.
Raven
There’s the old adage, You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the Prince…
Seriously & it’s a good thing that not every guy you meet is your Prince.
Angel
It’s like you took everything I am feeling and put it in one post. It is so hard. And I too am tired. I am curious as to where these women are finding ‘good’ men to settle down with. I have been using dating apps, as that’s the only way I date and I am tired of dating now.
ALLYSA
@angel,
Glad I’m not the only one. The people around me are all settled down, even my mum found someone online after 6 months.
Just 3 months ago, a guy I got to know online said he wanted a relationship as well, we got on so well, had 6 dates within the month and a half, then I told him I’m ready for sex as we got a long so well. He liked it fast, I liked it slow, I communicated what I wanted in the bedroom like a mature person, he agreed but the next time we had sex, he didn’t listen to a word I said. He disregarded my communication. He said “come on, you have to like it fast”. I mean how insulting is that after all the good dates we went on, he just had to ruin it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the sex, it’s the commitment. If he disregards what I want in bed, just beibg selfish, how are we going to be committed. If I talk about having sex when we’re committed, there would be like 99.9% chance he’ll disappear. So I’m damn if I do, I’m damned if I don’t.
Tallspicy
You are not damned if you do or don’t. You asked him, he dismissed you. It is your choice to leave and pay attention to what he is showing you. Not to stay and wish.
ALLYSA
Okay it was partly my fault cos we wanted different things in bed, but then if I made that decision to leave straight away, I’m back to square one and finding a match thats right for me.
I wanted to compromise, have a bit of experiment in the bedroom, but he didn’t want that, so I left. I still want to be pleased in bed too you know. I won’t enjoy it if all I give him is fast sex.
What I’m saying is that it’s really frustrating when I meet a guy and find out we’re not compatible, and the only choice for us is to break up. It’s like if it’s not working out, we want different things, one always wants to communicate and the other doesn’t.
I was told that if a man doesn’t want to communicate, I should give him space cos they communicate differently, but when you do give them space, they give you the silent treatment. I won’t tolerate that.
Robin
Mod update: Robin has posted her question over here.
AngieBaby
@Robin: Please start your own post.
Long story short: dating a man 30 years older than you is foolish.
Raven
That’d be like dating your Dad’s friend… iCk!
ALLYSA
@robin, why are you starting your post underneath mine 😆
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