I'm getting anxious…

Home Forums Long Distance Relationship (LDR) Advice I'm getting anxious…

This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Angel 9 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #634309 Reply


    Ok. We’ve known each other for about 5 months (6 in July) he lives in Atlanta I in Charlotte. I recently visited and we had a great time (saw him everyday I was there, met friends, etc.) He stayed over (no sex which to me was a good thing).

    Our communication is solid. Things seem good. while visiting we established that we do like each other. but like most females I wish I could read his mind!

    I’m planning another trip down, but his job sent him to Alabama for a month (bummed!) I want him to come to my hometown before I go visit him again. How can I make this happen? Also…I like him. Very compatible. Share similar goals and values so I think in time we could end up together. How can I best approach moving to the next step?

    Thanks for all yalls help!

    #634310 Reply


    Well, first of all I don’t like that you had to travel to him for a first meet up. A man with high interest should be doing the work to come visit you.

    Wait until he brings up getting together again and just t ll him, it’s his turn to come visit you.

    #634312 Reply


    I guess this could be considered a first meet up but we spent plenty of time together (2 weeks) when we first met on nuetral ground.

    #634313 Reply


    Why isn’t he coming to see you? Two meet ups in five months is hardly a relationship.

    #634321 Reply


    I never said we were in a relationship. I also never said we were dating. I can say with complete confidence he is a friend I like with the potential to be something more which he knows. Also, my second trip was a girls trip. We ended up making plans to see each other while I was there which just happened to occur everyday I was there.

    #634336 Reply


    If a man is interested in you, you will know it. He’ll make plans to see you without being prompted. Focus on yourself for the time being. Your hobbies, friends, family, etc. If he wants to see you, he will.

    #634338 Reply


    So just relax.

    #634350 Reply


    I don’t see this going anywhere. You live to far away from each other and he isn’t even making any plans to try to spend time with you, so far you are doing all the chasing, waste of time.

    #646916 Reply



    So I ended up going to see him. It was great. He also kind of suprised me a couple of days before by telling me that he told his mom he was bringing a friend home he met. Ended up going to his hometown, meeting his mom, and having some one on one talk with her. I am not sure what they discussed ahead of meeting me, but she did ask me to help her pick out a watch for him (so with that I assumed she liked me) We also ended up going to a friends birthday party, so I got to meet more friends. Not sure what is taking place, but I will continue to enjoy this ride.

    #646918 Reply


    Why doesn’t he come visit you? It’s too convenient for him. Next time see if he is willing to travel to you. If not, then he has low interest. When you initiate most of the time and do most of the work, that doesn’t show you if he would have done all that work on his own to meet up with you.

    #646957 Reply


    Ryan, your his FRIEND and that’s all he see’s you as.

    Men are logical and know pretty quickly where you stand in their life. Additionally, men need the physical more so than communication because that’s how men bond. Bonding through communication is what woman do, bonding through activities that creating positive memories is what men do. The fact he hasn’t done or said anything in over two months shows he’s not interested in you romantically and need to let this notion go and stop crushing/obsessing over him.

    #646981 Reply


    I don’t get this. He clearly stated you were friends. He sees you as a friend with benefits he sees on occasion. If you doubt this HAVE A CONVERSATION. I am always baffled how many women will date a man for months, wonder and interpret what all his actions mean, wonder if they are more than friends…as if the answer could not be found out by a simple conversation. If you ask a man if you are in a relationship and whether he sees you as a girlfriend, he will tell you!

    #646982 Reply


    OMG what a negative bunch of women on here. Ryan do not listen to any one of them. They are so closed minded and out-dated in their views. You sound like a confident woman who wants to weigh her options and at the same time have fun and live in the moment.

    So what if you visit him and as many times as you want? I did not hear you say you are falling for him, or want him to be your boyfriend blah, blah, blah. What is Lane and the some of the others smoking to suggest he has low interest?

    If he had low interest he would not want you to visit him, he would not have introduced you to his mother his friends, or even invited you to that party.

    I cringe sometimes when I hear the out-dated backwards BS advice these women give.

    Most are lonely and miserable and can’t find a man of their own, yet so quick to give bad advice to ruin other posters’ love life.

    Of course you need to be careful take things slow, and watch out for red flags from this dude, however if you guys are having fun, he is keeping in touch when you are apart, you are making a good connection through communication, have things in common then who knows where that will lead!! You are only in another state not another country.

    Do your thing, don’t get a head of yourself and you will be fine. I met my husband while on holidays, had a long distance relationship for quite a while before he finally moved to be with me. we have been married for over 7 years now.

    And by the way I did most of the visiting, not because he had low interest, but my working situation was more flexible than his. All women are not stupid or dumb an allow themselves to be taken advantage of, you should know if he is worth your time and effort.

    In fairness to them dating in the 50’s and 60’s was different, hence the antiquated advice.

    #646987 Reply


    I’m sorry AJ but your blowing smoke up her you know what!

    We are not living in the past we are living i the PRESENT and based on her posts she is not any closer than she was over two months ago. There has been no progression on his side, it’s a case of unrequited love which is why she’s so anxious!

    Anxiety is a symptom that’s something’s not going well or as planned. Those are the FACTS your blindly missing and we picked up on.. btw I’m in a relationship and my boyfriend introduces me as his girlfriend…not mixed signals but clear as day as to where I stand with him.

    #647708 Reply


    Haha, AJ. I love your advice. And completely agree that most women here are no negative about so many things. Just remember that she does not fill you in on every little detail happening between her and this guy so can we not pretend we know everything?

    It’s a 50/50 thing and she will figure out exactly where she stands with him or how he sees her. It’s like most of you have this idea that all men are outright and forward, and maybe those are the best kind of men but not all of them are like that. So just because he called her a friend doesn’t mean it’s unrequited. You ladies have no idea what’s going on in this guys mind.

    But anyway, all the best Ryan!

    #647710 Reply


    Sure any guy I know might be secretly be in love with me. It’s always POSSIBLE. They also might secretly be plotting to take over the United States and kill all brown-eyed females under 6 foot. We can’t, after all, read anybody’s mind so who knows? Also, we can’t read minds. And clearly we could never ask how a guy feels about us, or ask if he wants to be in a reltionship. No, we can’t do that because that is very old fashioned and antiquated. Instead lets just keep seeing him and be happy because he might secretly be in love.

    #647714 Reply


    Thanks for the update. Sounds like you have a nice friend.

    I don’t think women here giving advice are negative, I think they want to help OPs be realistic. The same situations get posted over and over and the signals are usually pretty clear it’s not going anywhere or the guy isn’t as into the girl as she thinks or wants him to be. I wish there were a mandatory class in high school about how to date and how men think and operate, because it sure is different than women. But once you understand, they are actually pretty straight forward. A lot of the time women posting here don’t want to see or hear the signs and the truth.

    #647715 Reply


    Mary put it well. I agree with her post.

    #647718 Reply


    Thanks Peggy.

    We don’t have enough info to say what this is or isn’t, and all she’s done is post an update that sounds reasonable to me. This will develop further or it won’t, in its own time frame. She doesn’t sound hung up on him at this point, she says she’s enjoying the ride. Good place to be.

    #647726 Reply


    And clearly we could never ask how a guy feels about us, or ask if he wants to be in a relationship. No, we can’t do that because that is very old fashioned and antiquated. Instead lets just keep seeing him and be happy because he might secretly be in love.

    Amanda explain the above ramblings. No clue what point you are trying to make in response to my post.

    Never said any of what you are alluding to.

    If you took the time to read and respond to Ryan’s or my post at least make a coherent point like I did.

    #647748 Reply


    I do agree that a lot of women here are so negative. I posted something kinda similar to your situation Ryan and 99% of response i got was “he’s not interested, he lives too far (2 hours drive), this guy is just stringing you along and why did you visited him when he should be visiting you blah blah blah…I think its a give and take. He visited me first then i went to see him when he invited me to come vsit. Both needs to make an effort to see each other. LIke you we are friends and we communicate every day via text. Because it is something we can do while doing other things. We are both busy but he never fails to message me everyday for the last 5 months. I dont ask him when he will be in town again. I let him tell me when. I keep a busy life and i am always doing something on weekends, whether hanging out with friends, hiking, movies, etc. Keep yourself busy and engaged with your family and friends and just enjoy what you have with him. I am happy regardless of what comes out of our friendship. You should be too.

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