I'm a virgin, but want a friend with benefits

Just so you go into this with open eyes, when a woman has sex with a man, the body releases a hormone called oxytocin. It is a powerful bonding hormone. Mother nature wants the woman to bond with the man in case a baby was made. So be aware, that your feelings for this guy will most likely change after you have sex with him.

Most likely you will be bonded and attached so keep that in mind as you proceed with whatever you choose to do.

Women don’t do casual very well. We just aren’t made for it. So many posts I read on here, the women write they want casual, but then further in the post they are all mixed up about it.

If you want to tell him or not is completely up to you. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

This will be your first time experience, you will never forget it. Don’t you want to have sex with someone you feel for?

And yes, having sex for the first time will make you attached very deeply. “Having fun” this way is going to cost you dearly, bad idea, indeed.

Only you know you. I was 24 when I lost my virginity, and I was ready to get it over with. The guy I was seeing for a few months who I got physical with dumped me the second I told him I was a virgin. The next guy I kept my mouth shut, we lasted quite a long time and I confessed at some point later on. He was disappointed in that “he would have made it special” but to be honest I wasn’t that fussed about it. I don’t think it’s fair to say women can’t lose their virginity how they want, maybe women don’t want to wait around for Mr. Right…this isn’t the 1950s, women are allowed to enjoy sex now. Right? Right. Hannah only you can make that decision.

Obviously it’s up to you, but this is something I myself tried as a virgin. He was a lovely guy and the arrangement was meant to be fun and casual, but the night I went to his, even though mentally I felt fine about it and wanted to do it, my body had other ideas. Let’s just say I might have had a huge “No Entry” sign where it matters.

The guy didn’t know I was a virgin, and realistically I needed the whole act to be much slower and sensual to get me properly warmed up. However, he was just pants off and d***k in… well, he tried to get it in, but tbh, it was excruciating, and not what I’d prepared for and I had to get him to stop. I also realised that I was just a body to him and that lack of personal/mental connection with him did inhibit me quite a lot and I didn’t feel comfortable about it.

So, yeah, I relaised at that point that casual probably wasn’t for me personally.

Don’t. You will regret it.

You’re probably just being curious and experimental because of your lack of experience. In my humble opinion, sex is better with intimacy and a good relationship, rather than just doing it for the sake of doing.

You better tell your guy about it, or it can be awkward or disastrous (for both of you). He’ll be cautious if you tell him and it will prevent the awkward stuff from happening as well. You might bleed a lot, or it might hurt a lot, etc. It helps if he knows where you’ll be coming from.

Also make sure you’re protected. How well do you know this guy? Are you sure he’s clean and STD-free? One simple mistake and you can get seriously sick. I hope he doesn’t give you the “I-don’t-like-wearing-a-condom” speech because if he does, run away.

Be prepared for the consequences. Some women can get away with being casual, but there’s always the possibility of falling in love with the person. Knowing your boundaries and limitations (no relationship) right from the start will help and you should stick with it.

Another Hannah! I don’t think this is a good idea in the way you’re thinking of it. If he becomes a genuine friend that you care about and who cares about you, then it might be worth thinking about. Sex the first time can be nerve racking, uncomfortable and sometimes painful. It’s better to go through that with someone you know and trust than someone who doesn’t even know you’re going through it.

I don’t buy the whole oxytocin thing either. The ONLY studies of it’s release during sex were done during masturbation, so lovelybee is right, we should be just as attached to our vibrators as a man we sleep with haha! Also, men produce as much oxytocin during sex as women do, so I don’t see the logic of saying it’s what makes a woman attached. In fact, all studies in men show they also feel more love and attraction to their partner when given oxytocin, so they get the feel-good bonding as much as we do. I think it’s women’s attitudes and expectations of sex that get them into trouble, not a hormone.

Vibrators don’t have pheromones.
Hormones are amazingly powerful.

Is it a Rabbit ;-)

First of all, congratulations on waiting until adulthood. Secondly, I think your sexual experiences through out life will probably be as disappointing as the rest of the female population; that being said, I think you should in the LEAST, be open to having a more meaningful “first time outta the gate” experience.

A wham bam thank you man isn’t something that I think you really want. The best sex is between two people who genuinely like and care for one another. When a guy has genuine affections for you, he will not make a mockery of the experience, instead he would be concerned with how he handles you, which you will come to appreciate. You will have something to base other experiences, which will probably be more than a few. At least you’ll have decent memories of your first to carry with you, along with the less positive experiences to come along the way.

Hannah,

I was a pre-med geek in college and studied physiological psychology. Then 20 years of reading anything that has to do with men, women, sex, relationships, etc, I’d have to dig some to get more detailed info if desired. But in general:

Oxytocin is the hormone that bonds the mother and child, the couple to each other and the father to the child. It is present in both men and women but the number of receptors and how it works in a woman’s body and a man’s body is a bit different. There is another hormone, I can’t think of the name right now, that has a bigger bonding affect in men.

I do believe in mind over matter, but I also know it takes an incredible skill to master the mind over the body. Yogis spend decades working on just that. So for us mere mortal women, it would be in our best interest to heed to the understanding that sex is not just sex. Our bodies and brain will bond.

I know I have done this more than once where I met a guy, he was nice, I liked him, but didn’t see it going anywhere. So I figured a roll in the hay would be fun, only to start thinking about him non-stop after.

Again, if you’d like I can try and dig up a bit more info. But if a thyroid hormone can keep a 30 lb. weight gain in place when a person has a low calorie diet, oxytocin can bond a woman to a schmuck like super glue.

Yes, yes, yes, I completely agree with you. That makes so much sense.
I have had sex, but it was just sex. I did think a bit more about the guy after, but it went away quickly.

So, the moral of the story, if you have any attraction/like for the guy, don’t do it!
No casual sex when feelings are involved it will just lead to heart ache. Plus it is not a way to get a guy. You can’t win a guy over with sex.

Men need sex and an emotional bond to want a relationship. Build the emotional bond first and the rest will follow.

I love your theory.