Ignoring my bf

Btw, I did casually mention to him 3 months ago that I wish he would ask to see me more instead of me being the one to do it most of the time. He made an effort for like a week and then things slipped back to the way it was before I guess.

I honestly didn’t really pay much attention to it because I do feel like our quality of time has been better, plus we were seeing each other more frequently and I felt like we were really getting closer, so I didn’t pay much attention to the fact that I was initiating pretty much all of that time together.

I do take responsibility though for not realizing sooner and making him think it’s ok to treat me like that because I wasn’t firm. But now I’m ready to be because I don’t want to continue giving my time and attention to someone who doesn’t appreciate me.

Hi Amy,

First of all, you’re right to be upset. He is taking you for granted and this will die a slow death if you let it. He will one day simply stop calling and texting completely. I suggest you don’t initiate any contact with him at all. If he calls, don’t pick up on the 1st ring. Let it ring 4-5 rings first. Let him sweat a bit and wonder what’s going on with you.

Secondly, when you do talk to him, keep it very short and light. Definitely less than 10 minutes. Don’t give him details of what you’ve been doing. Don’t ask him why he hasn’t called before or in any way try to start a “discussion” with him the first time you talk to him.

Finally, start distancing yourself from him by getting yourself super busy doing things that make you happy. Take a long bubble bath and take a book with you, go get your nails done, go window shopping, whatever that can help take your mind off him. This will come in very handy and help you to move on if you don’t hear from him for a long time or find out that he’s dating someone else and has basically disappeared on you.

Thanks for your replies.

Lagirl, what do you suggest I do? I agree that having the conversation again might be an ultimate fail,however, the reason I was going to is because the first time I really wasn’t firm.

I wish I had done it differently the first time by saying “this is how I expect to be treated in a relationship, are you on board with this”, but instead i just casually said I’d like it if he initiated plans more often, to which he was like “oh, sorry, I didn’t even realize. I can do that.” and like i said, he did for like a week and then stopped.

ALso, I don’t know why this is an issue for him now because it wasn’t always like this. He used to be very good about making plans and being consistent, and then of course as time went on and we got more comfortbale it became more 50/50 which I was totally fine with. But now over the past few months its like he got totally lazy and just let me do everything.

It makes me sad because I really do love him and care about him. But I do feel a sense of empowerment by deciding not to speak to him right now. The space is really giving me a chance to get my head straight and my thoughts clear and I’m able to step back and really see what I’ve been ignoring for the past few months.

I hope he gets his shit together and realizes why I’m upset and tries to fix it, but if not, I guess it’s his loss. I just want to be appreciated and treated well, either by him or another man who will value me.

Amy,
Five days is a while for a bf to not contact you. I think you did the right thing by not accepting this lack luster behavior from your bf. While a talk might solve the problem I am doubtful. He seems to be showing you a pattern. I understand that this is not easy but, you may be better off in the long run.If he really loves you he will contact you and do whatever it takes to make things right. You seem like a person who knows their worth follow through with the no contact. Stay strong!