If a guy hasn't asked you to be his gf in 2 months should you stop seeing him?


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  • #629486 Reply
    Sandy

    I keep reading articles saying that if a guy hasn’t made things official in 2 months that means he’s never going to be your boyfriend. So now I’m really confused and I don’t know if I should stop seeing the guy I’ve been dating.

    We had a talk where he said he didn’t want to see other people but we aren’t in a relationship. So, Idk what to do. Now I feel insecure.

    I’m 21 and he’s 22. I just don’t wanna get played.

    #629492 Reply
    MariaTheOriginal

    was it “we aren’t in a relationship and that isn’t something I want” or
    “we aren’t in a relationship YET,”

    Big difference obviously. If it’s #1, move on, if it’s #2, cautiously give it a bit more time if you like (not more than a month or two i would say)

    #629500 Reply
    Joe

    Don’t ask or pressure him again. Guys take 3-5 months to decide if there is enough compatibility. Be more patient..

    #629502 Reply
    Pop

    What’s the rush? You’re young, so play the field. You don’t need to stop seeing him just like that. When you’re sure of what you want, have a honest conversation. Feeling insecure is no point. I think NOW is the time for young women like you to start working on insecurities so that you will be happy in the right relationship down the road.

    #629503 Reply
    redcurleysue

    It should take at least five to six months to know if you want this man in your life. Where is the fire?

    #629509 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Are you starting to see each other more? Is he including you in his life I am introducing you to people? Does he talk about the future and actually put stuff on the calendar? If so give it one more month. If you’re only seeing him once a week, dump him. Men do what they want , They fall quickly, and generally they’re on their best behavior to start off with if they’re interested. No more than 12 weeks maximum. However, it is a yellow flag that he is not committed now.

    #629510 Reply
    Sophia

    Don’t be mistaken and say you are exclusive if you are not in the relationship. Then you give up your options while he sits and decides if he wants you or not and that is weak. It is OK to be not yet in the relationship if it is only two months, but do not sex with him yet. Sometimes it takes some time and you dont’ want to be rushed because guys who rush too much are not real usually.

    #629511 Reply
    Sandy

    @redcurleysue

    where is the data for these claims?

    #629512 Reply
    Heather

    If you want a relationship with him then say it. If he doesnt want one with you by now then walk away. He most likely is dating other girls and hoping to find someone better and if he doesnt then he MIGHT commit to you eventually.

    #629514 Reply
    redcurleysue

    While experience and common sense are the basis of my opinions, I also read a lot of advice on relationships from experts, such as;

    From Psychology Today, “You are better off dating longer and seeing how someone chooses to grow rather than wishing and hoping, or trying to force someone to make the changes that you desire. The rule of thumb here is not to get engaged for at least six months, and to wait another year before getting married. It will be worth it. If you don’t think so, just ask someone you know who is in the process of a breakup.”

    Slow down enough to truly see the person and if you are a good fit with them.

    #629520 Reply
    Sandy

    @recurleysue

    I agree with you :/. There’s just so much that I wonder about. I only see him twice a week. I guess I have to fill my life with more activities. I feel like I don’t see him enough. My friend shows me messages of him and this girl he’s seeing and they’re so happy texting and all I get from him are superficial texts. I’m feeling really insecure :/.

    #629525 Reply
    redcurleysue

    Since I do not know much of your history with this guy I am answering blind.

    You and he are young to get serious…mostly men get more serious when their careers are figured out…about 25 or so.

    You also said he was not seeing anyone else…but yet he is texting another girl. Hmmm…that would make me wonder how serious he is being with any girl right now.

    If I were you…at your age…I would be focusing more on my education and career. Women need to have a way to make money no matter if they get married or not. You have many years ahead before you settle down and you need to also date lots and lots to fully understand what you want in a man…what works for you and what does not work for you.

    I am curious as to what your dreams are? Travel? Writing? Music or singing? Being the best horsewoman? What are your dreams?

    #629541 Reply
    Hannah

    Please don’t be exclusive with someone that doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want you to see anyone else because men are territorial. That doesn’t mean he cares too much, it just means he doesn’t like the idea of you having sex with other men and then having sex with him.

    Tell him you’re fine not being in a relationship at the moment because it’s early days, but you only stop keeping your options open when you’re in a relationship.

    Don’t let him have everything his own way. He’ll respect and admire that. He’ll also know he will have to step up if he wants you in his life. It will boost your attractiveness to him.

    #629556 Reply
    Pandora

    Sandy, you wrote: “he said he didn’t want to see other people but we aren’t in a relationship”

    he told you you two are not in a relationship or you just assuming?

    why he said this? who initiated this conversation?
    its too early to define it by 2 months….

    #629565 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Oh girl! Red’s advice is for engagement, not dating. If you are not a man’s girlfriend in 12 weeks, end it. Think about ladies, men who want gone boyfriends act like boyfriends and fast. Not 4-6 months. Men act and act quickly. I say give it a few more weeks, but exclusive and boyfriend should be the same.

    #629566 Reply
    Tallspicy

    Oops, men who want to be boyfriends, act like boyfriends.

    #629567 Reply
    Tallspicy

    The average relationship becomes exclusive at 6-7 dates.

    #629622 Reply
    Omi G

    I’m not one to put a timeline or #of dates on dating before exclusivity, but I do agree from experience and going slow that around 4-6 months is generally when the man will know if he wants more. If you are the type of woman who already knows what she’s wanting and not wanting to play the field, you’ll be able set your pace on what you will tolerate and want from a relationship not just to have a man or a title.

    That process takes time and lots of experience and dating, I didn’t’ have that when I was 21, but some women do. Always keep your options open and don’t settle. 2 months is not long, you will start seeing his real self after 3 months.

    #629623 Reply
    Anon

    If you pick a boyfriend out from 6-7 dates then be prepared to have many many relationships down the road.

    You hardly ever know some one 6-7 dates , that would just consider play mates if you go for that.

    #629654 Reply
    Kelsey

    Go with the individual relationship. There’s a ton of crap advice out there. If you like the guy, keep seeing him. It takes a long time to get to know someone; two months isn’t much time IMO.

    #629766 Reply
    Lane

    Sandy, the best way to date is to keep yourself open to other men until your in a relationship.

    Do not have sex with them, just meet and talk with them in low pressure situations like a game of pool, gym, coffee shop, local festival, an ice-cream while walking in a park. Just talk about general random stuff; short and long term goals, hobbies/interests—no differently than you would do with any other stranger you meet, new co-worker, new neighbor, etc. While your getting to know these guys carefully OBSERVE their interest level based on the TOPICS they want to talk to you about…an interested guy will ask the questions and if they are, then that is a good sign.

    LOTS OF DATES/TIME TOGETHER = HIGH INTEREST Low or no dates/time together = low/no interest.

    If a man isn’t taking his time to get to know you, and doesn’t know what he wants, then focus on the men who are. BE THE PRIZE! The prize sits on her pedestal watching the contenders (men) vie for her attention. After carefully listening and observing them for 2 – 3 months, the PRIZE is in a position to CHOOSE from the top two or three who want you to be their GF. This is when you need to CHOSE WISELY because you don’t want to end up with a dud (bad BF)!

    Most guys in your generation aren’t looking to ‘settle down’ anytime soon, so the good news is you will gain experience as to which men you get on best with and those you don’t. If you feel insecure/needy with a guy then that is a bad bet. If you feel safe and secure then that’s is a better one. Think of dating as an investment…would you invest in a stock that does poorly, or one that is giving you a HIGH rate of return? If your not receiving a high rate of return from a man then you keep dating until you do, and you like him too.

    #629798 Reply
    T from NY

    I do not agree that every good man, who would make a good boyfriend, locks it down by 2 months. That’s so fast and I’m sure it happens. But not in every circumstance. I’m not sure where all these stats are coming from — but after reading this forum for years, watching the women around me at work date and dating myself — I would say by the 3rd month –for sure–a women should feel a man making her more of a priority; integrating her into his life; increasing the amount of time he wants to spend with her and generally begin to act more like a boyfriend and then eventually talk to the woman about it.

    The key is to continue dating others. Be busy. Do not be available all the time. And most important do NOT worry that not being available to text and hang out with them whenever they choose will scare them away. Because if a guy really likes you he will wait and be grateful for the time you give him and that will MAKE him want to lock you down sooner.

    Sadly I used to date like a lot of women do — to meet guys, find the one I liked and then try to get that man to like me. SO wrong. You meet guys, see which one treats you the best -consistently- live your life and see how well they court you. Period. The end. It will all end happily if you do this.

    Your guy now does not seem to be increasing his attentions and seems to be giving more of his attention to another girl. If you are not sleeping with him — see him for a couple more weeks to see if he steps it up. But if you’ve already had sex and he’s being more attentive to another girl — oh hell no — I’d move it along to someone else that appreciates how awesome you are.

    #632407 Reply
    Mike

    Lane,

    Let me begin by saying that, in my opinion, you are one of the most thoughtful posters on this board, and in most cases, your advice is spot on.

    But, I don’t think that this attitude is healthy:

    “The prize sits on her pedestal watching the contenders (men) vie for her attention. After carefully listening and observing them for 2 – 3 months, the PRIZE is in a position to CHOOSE from the top two or three who want you to be their GF.”

    No person should view themselves as on a pedestal, and I think that’s a really unhealthy attitude to have towards dating. Two people who are dating should view each other as equals — this pedestal stuff is where stupid power games start to creep into dating, in my opinion.

    I just wanted to offer my opinion on your post, because you seem well-spoken and thoughtful enough to have a mature discussion about whether or not that truly is a healthy attitude to have. Again, I want to emphasize that this not an attempt at aggravating you, but rather, this is an attempt for a guy to offer his opinion on this subject.

    Let me know what you think!

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