This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by L 10 months, 1 week ago.
March 20, 2017 at 3:24 pm #612671
I dated a guy for 3 months and called it off with him about two months ago. We had crazy (CRAZY) chemistry and we connected on a lot of different levels. He was very complimentary of me, made me feel great about myself and I felt really good around him. I was traveling a lot and he has a weird schedule that prevented us from spending more time together, and I think our lack of being able to hang made me misread his intentions — looking back it’s pretty clear he was just trying to keep things casual but I was in relationship-ready zone. Coupled by his perceived waning interest from my vantage point towards the end (fewer texts, further in-between, not really that concerned if we were going to ever hang out again) and our last conversation where he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship, sent me packing.
I called it off that morning (he didn’t try to stop me at all), and there hasn’t been any communication in either direction since. We’re not connected on social media so the line is really dead in terms of having any contact whatsoever.
BUT I have this lingering feeling that I wish we ended on better terms, or that I could have left things a little more open. We had a lot of fun, had an insane amount of chemistry, really good conversations and I thought he was a really interesting person. It makes me sad to see that connection (so few and far between!) just go away. This is the first time that I’ve called it off before things got damaging on either side, which was really responsible of me, but is lacking the drama that usually signals to me that ‘this is definitely over’.
I am taking the fact that he hasn’t tried to reach out as an indication that he really wasn’t that into me (hello blow to my ego!), but I have this urge to send a, ‘Hey, was thinking about you and I hope everything is going well!’ text that would maybe at least relieve the tension on my end and provide a stepping stone on a bridge that could maybe be rebuilt in the future as a friendship on some level.
OR, which is probably more likely the case, that I am just trying to feel a connection to him again and am telling myself the intention behind a text like that is totally innocent :).
So I guess my question is, should I just let sleeping dogs lie or is there a chance that striking up a text convo with him could give me some closure and relieve some of the ‘we left things on bad terms and I wish we hadn’t’ tension that I’m feeling? Or is that all wishful thinking?
Thanks!March 20, 2017 at 3:38 pm #612675
Things between you didn’t end on bad terms.
He didn’t want anything more and you decided to move on.
Case closed, I see no reason to reach out to him again.
If he really missed you or thought he made a mistake trust you’d hear from him again.March 20, 2017 at 3:43 pm #612676
Are you saying you are now OK with casual? As in if you guys dated for a few more months and then broke up on good terms again you would be OK with it? Or are you doing your wedding pinterest board? Be honest with yourself first and foremost.March 20, 2017 at 4:04 pm #612682
He will always be casual unless he changes his mind.
You reach out; he is still going to treat you casual.
What is the point?
Find another man who you will have lingering feelingsMarch 20, 2017 at 4:42 pm #612688
I think you think you messed up going in bridezilla mode and want a do over. You can text him just fine from my poor of view but dont expect a different outcome. Its weird he hasnt contacted you but maybe that is also good. That jd doesnt want to strong you along. At least send an interesting text if you are sending oneMarch 20, 2017 at 5:24 pm #612692
Skip it for now. Let the dust settle. Wait six months and if you really feel like reconnecting as just friends, you should be able to send a text at that point and see if he feels like friends would work for him. But otherwise, move on. It really didn’t end badly, you want different things.March 20, 2017 at 6:19 pm #612698
Thanks everyone! Funny how advice from strangers works better than your friends sometimes 🙂 Bridezilla comment is right on… but I’m gonna give it more time to settle / process out.
Thanks again! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻March 20, 2017 at 7:56 pm #612709
Don’t do it! Even if it felt good at first, that feeling would dissipate quickly & you would wish you didn’t reach out. I think it would make you look desperate, like you did the right thing for yourself then couldn’t resist going back for more. Let him be the one to reach out if it’s meant to happen. Whether you ever talk again or not, either way you’ll feel better you let it be!March 20, 2017 at 8:23 pm #612717