I think he lied. Feeling hurt and disappointed.


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This topic contains 15 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Sarah 4 weeks ago.

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  • #649706 Reply

    Lauren

    Hi. I must start saying that when we started to date 2 years and 6 months ago, since I’m a distrustful person I googled his name and found out a forum where he is very active.
    I never told him about this, because I know is the kind of thing that men hate. Since then now and then I enter there and see what he posts.

    Now the problem, boyfriend went to a business travel one week, he told me he would have no connection so we wouldn’t be able to talk since phone calls would be very expensive from there and it would be just 7 days.

    Today I found out he was really active on that forum and I feel very hurt because he did have connection and didn’t feel like knowing from me.

    How can I talk to him and find out the truth without admitting that I was stalking him on that forum? I feel very hurt that the person I was with for so long lied to me.

    #649707 Reply

    Lauren

    What the hell, I don’t know why I have a profile picture, I’m a new user, I guess someone else have this same nickname . I apologize, I don’t know how to change it.

    #649750 Reply

    Fiona

    You’ve been dating him for 2.5 years and he would go on a business trip and claim no internet connection and can’t communicate with you for an entire 7 days? He can’t call at least once for five minutes?? Sorry, but you have bigger problems. This is not the relationship you think it is. Big red flag.

    #649766 Reply

    Lauren2

    I’m still the OP, I changed my nickname since that one was in use.

    This is making me feel that he lost interest in me. A guy with interest wouldn’t like to be without comunication and even less if he did have internet actually.

    But I don’t know how can I bring out the issue without admitting I was “stalking” him on that forum.

    I want to know why he lied to me.

    #649768 Reply

    Lauren2

    I have to say he called once while he was out, very short call though.

    #649772 Reply

    Fiona

    If you can’t ask him directly… I don’t know what to tell you. The obvious reason is he didn’t feel like communicating with you, which is a bad sign.

    #649784 Reply

    Newbie

    You can get a picture if its attached to another email adress.
    Look, phone calls can be expensive and WiFi you can het in a hotel normally. Why would you be upset about this? He is bored in a hotel and posting on a forum. No big deal.
    And yeah you have to work on your trust issues. You either trust him or you dont

    #649811 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    Probably wasn’t even a business trip. It was a vacation with his side chick!!

    #649813 Reply

    Amanda

    You need to sit down and have a talk about where the relationship is going. Listen carefully. Yes, this is not a good sign that he was dishonest.

    #649860 Reply

    Lauren2

    Newbie, I’m worried about the fact that he didn’t feel like talking to me. (And lied)

    He did have connection if he was in a forum and pretty active. To hide he was online he didn’t visit his social media.

    DA, If he was with a side chick I don’t think he would have the time to be posting in a forum.

    Amanda, we need to talk indeed, but how can I tell him I know he was online without telling him I stalked him on that forum? Talking to me should be joy not a problem, if he lied to avoid talking it is clear we have a problem. But telling him I was searching his name , found out that forum and being checking regularly for 2 and a half years is going to be a big deal for him.

    #649872 Reply

    L

    What’s the bigger deal? You knowing he lied for two years? Or him knowing that you know he lied?

    #649895 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    Why does he have to know you’ve been checking on the forum for 2 1/2 years? Why can’t you simply say your were goofing around and googled his name while he was on his trip and found him online?

    And if it was never a business trip to start with he had all day to be with another woman AND still post on the forum! Duh!

    #649896 Reply

    Amanda

    Well this is what happens when we are deceptive. You could make up some story about a friend telling you the hotel had wifi. But alas, that is another lie.

    #649916 Reply

    redcurleysue

    I will just about guarantee this is not the first time he lied to you.

    Here is the real question…do you want to confront him so he feels all sorry…big deal…he is still a liar.

    You cannot fix this…something big is off here. Lying to this magnitude creates distance in your relationship…and that cannot be overcome by confrontation.

    You really need to evaluate him as your partner. Is this what you want? He will not change.

    #649950 Reply

    Hannah

    Unless he went to outer Mongolia or something, of course he had some kind of connection. My best friend has just been on an expedition to a remote area and still managed to contact me several times when she was away.

    Just day you’ve realised he can’t possibly not have had any connection for a week.

    My main problem wouldn’t actually be that he lied to me. Although obviously that’s a big thing. It would be that he didnt want to talk to me for 7 days. What does that say about his feelings for you?

    Even in the dark days where my husband and I were taking of separating, we still wanted to speak to each other every day. You have to address 2 issues….that he lied and that your relationship is in a bad place.

    I’m sorry. It must be tough.

    #650416 Reply

    Sarah

    Hi Lauren,

    I’m so sorry you’re having these inner thoughts. It’s awful feeling misled and lied to by your companion. These things happen – in one form or another – in many relationships. You’re not alone. How you handle what to do from here depends entirely on YOU. That’s where forums like this can mess with your head. We are each basing our responses on the very limited details you’ve written here over the course of your 2+ yr relationship with this man we really know nothing about.

    Have you ever asked him or implied you know about the forum posts he has made?
    Whether the answer is yes or no, when he returns from his trip (or if he’s already back) plan a time and place that’s easy for both your schedules to meet with him. Don’t make it some dramatic thing by saying ‘we need to talk’ just make plans with him. When you’re there, make the usual small talk and stir up the courage to tell him there’s something that’s been on your mind (because it has been). Remember to ask questions, instead of telling him what you know or think. Be honest, as a previous poster said, you were fooling around online looking him up and were surprised to see what you found. You couldn’t help yourself and thought nothing of it until you realized how much he participated. Ask him why and if it’s something in direct correlation to your relationship. Ask him how he feels about you and his relationship with you and whether or not this is something he can stop for your relationship. Also be honest with yourself – define your deal breaker. What if he can’t stop? You need to listen to he says, but also pay attention and do what’s best for you in the long run.

    Don’t be afraid, don’t be dramatic, be honest without all the extra stuff. I wish you luck and love no matter what the outcome is!

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