Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › I need advice
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ANM Staff.
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March 31, 2022 at 1:28 am #932340Jan
I’m taking it slow with this new guy I met. I like him a lot. More than I thought I would. He is so different from these other guys I’ve dated. He is actually dating me. I don’t really have any high expectations and I am trying not to get my hopes up. He seems pretty into me, also there is a possibility he is talking to other women.
I’m so attracted to him and I’m getting attached so I’ve been keeping myself busy with work and kids doing my best to stay focused not thinking so much about him. I can’t help it though.
I’m stuck in a situation with another guy. We never dated. He just filled my head with the possibility of dating and a future and expected me to hold onto it and believe it was actually going to happen. He kept telling me to wait. My stupid azz held out and then it got ugly because I was sick of the games. He is still playing games and I feel like this is interfering with this new guy I have something real with and WANT A future with. I don’t want him I want this new guy who is actually taking actions and prioritizing me.
The situation guy is sad and upset with me and im to the point where I d g a f about it because he did nothing but hurt my feelings filling my head with false hope we would actually be a couple.
How do I get this guy to accept I am over it and to let go so it doesn’t sabotage my future relationship with the new guy?
March 31, 2022 at 2:07 am #932342Raven
Why are you still engaging with the first guy?!
Walk away & block his azz.
March 31, 2022 at 10:49 am #932346Lane
There’s this feature called “block.” You tell him you found someone else, that your happy, no longer interested in engaging with him, tell him its a final goodbye, and mean it.
The problem is you are still stuck on this guy or you wouldn’t allow him to do it. You are in control of your life, and its ultimately up to you to decide who you want and don’t want in it. Cutting someone off permanently is pretty easy, you just do it; however I believe your hanging onto old guy in case new guy doesn’t work out but all you’ll be doing is continue to tether yourself to someone who doesn’t want you. Choice is yours—cut him or keep him.
March 31, 2022 at 3:23 pm #932348Jan
Thanks for the condescending answers.
The problem is this guy is still stuck on me wishing I was stuck on him. I lost interest. Years ago.
I’ve been trying to tell this guy goodbye since 2017. I’ve changed my number every year. I’ve moved. He still finds me. My actions have proved nothing but wanting my freedom and to stay away from him. I do not bother him. I haven’t been on his insta. I haven’t messaged him. I did leave him alone.
He has me on a digital leash. He hacks into my accounts. Watches everything I do and I’m worried about what’s going to happen because I am moving on due to traumatic experiences with him in the past for moving on.
It was stupid asking for advice here.
I’ll just deal with the anxiety since nobody wants to truly understand how much this effects my daily life.
March 31, 2022 at 3:57 pm #932349Maddie
This sounds like stalking. Can you get authorities involved? Sounds like you may need a restraining order. Depending on how bad things got with him in the past, you may want to look into domestic violence resources for women trying to leave bad situations.
You can also change all your info online, including passwords, make everything private (no public photos, use a slightly different name so he won’t see you in mutual contact lists, I know teachers who do this to hide social media from young students), and then get a VPN to keep off his radar. You can also proactively block him after you make changes / new accounts before he can even find you.
Your new guy shouldn’t care about this old one as long as he’s really history. If you take serious actions to get rid of him, new guy may get protective but it shouldn’t be an issue if there’s clearly nothing going on between you two.
March 31, 2022 at 5:00 pm #932351Jan
Thank you Maddie.
I’m worried new guy is the old guy because I never met the stalker and I’m going to have a mental breakdown.
March 31, 2022 at 5:21 pm #932352Jan
I think it’s happening right now.
March 31, 2022 at 7:01 pm #932354Deborah
You asked and you got straight answers. Why so snotty?
This has to be the person who was banned from this site a long time ago who had been posting all kinds of crazy nonsense about being stalked everywhere including on this site.
Hey admin, check out this post… she’s baaaaaack.
March 31, 2022 at 7:02 pm #932355Deborah
I think the name was Better Off Single.
March 31, 2022 at 8:46 pm #932359Raven
My answers was not condescending. You ask for advice, I gave you good solid advice…
Here’s more advice: Please schedule a visit to your psychiatrist.
March 31, 2022 at 9:27 pm #932360P
That’s exactly what I thought. Better off single. She obviously has serious personality disorder. The harm is her time wasting.
April 1, 2022 at 1:49 am #932361tammy
seems like a troll
April 1, 2022 at 9:17 am #932365Jan
Lanes answer was condescending
That person doesn’t even know me And comes off as if hes the only experienced strongest person in the room. I find it offensive to automatically assume I’m stuck on this stalker because I posted about an issue I had with it.
And you people are being just mean. So mean.
Do something better with your life other than criticize mine. Please.
How is that not classified as a mental disorder?
April 1, 2022 at 2:45 pm #932392ANM StaffKeymaster@Everyone: Yes, the person posting in this thread is the community member known as “Better Off Single”. This individual has an unfortunate history on this forum. There’s a “hidden history” as well; she has continually been knocking on this forum for 2 years, attempting to post things that are not allowed. She has been addressed multiple times and is banned. The details she posts have a tenuous relationship with reality, and when questioned, she has a habit of insulting the person responding to her.
@Better Off Single: You are in the wrong here. You are insulting the members of this community. You are being toxic, and you know you are unwelcome to post in this forum.
This is one of the first posts that you’ve managed to slip through in your 2 years of attempts to post here, and you immediately start throwing punches and drive the thread into a ditch. You are banned; it was and always will be permanent. It’s not up for discussion. You intentionally seek to insult others and you put meticulous effort into wasting our time. Not cool.
I still hope you get better. If you genuinely want clarity for your troubles, then seek professional therapy and work with that person to build trust.
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