I know this is stupid…

Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals I know this is stupid…

This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Jamie 1 year, 5 months ago.

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  • #591666 Reply


    trust me i know this is stupid- but curious what one’s thought is on this. I like this guy so i think this is why i’m feeling insecure.

    I met this guy mike* this past summer when i visited california. He is the friend of a close friend. Mike and i hookedup up the night we met. After, i went back to NY and he eventually moved back to new jersey for 6 months. When he would visit his friend in ny- we would all get together and hang out. I’ve seen him a few times since california. We always flirt a little when we see one another, but always kept it friendly around our friends. We never hookedup again after the first time. I saw him on NYE And and it was apparent that we like each other. He moved back to california this week. Side note: i might be moving to cali this summer

    We are friends on instagram…however not on facebook. When he was tagged in a picture of friends- (that i’m friends with on FB) i sent him a request. It’s been over a week and he still hasnt accepted. He’s been active on social media so i’m confused why he hasn’t. Idk why but i feel a little silly and insecure that he hasnt responded back to the request. it just seems weird? I know i’m not making it up that he flirts with me- it’s obvious. He’s also a really nice guy- i mean super nice.

    #591668 Reply


    Usually people prefer NOT to be connected on FB until there is something very serious. Simply because of how it would be awkward if you breakup. He probably thinks you will “hookup” again and it is not serious, so if he get a GF or starts dating others and you’d notice it via FB this will not be in his interests. Makes sense? Makes very good sense to me.

    This is a lesson, do not initiate anything with men. When they are interested, they will make a move themselves. One way or another.

    Mind your pride a little more.

    #591669 Reply


    It doesn’t really matter WHY he didn’t accept your friend request, but the fact is, he didn’t. If you rang his doorbell and he didn’t answer would you ring it again and again? Of course not. You made the first move so you are essentially doing his job for him, so now (to recover) you should do nothing. Don’t chase men. If he wants to talk to you, he has many ways to do so. Good luck!

    #591673 Reply


    Thanks for the feedback!

    At first, i honestly looked at it as very harmless. I wasn’t trying to “chase” him. I just saw his name on my timeline and naturally just added him because, well, i know him and also i like him. But i also add people that i don’t “like” as well (friendly with.) so i didn’t see a difference here.

    It’s the fact now that he never accepted it that made me start to feel stupid. I guess seeing your responses makes my fears a little more real. It still says that it was sent- should i bother to cancel or just leave it be?

    #591678 Reply


    I know you did not think it was a big deal at the time…

    Facebook can be the devil…people make too much out of it really. And if you are “in” a relationship then “out” etc. you can see where it gets squirrely fast….

    Then lots of guys have to explain women to lots of other women…yadda yadda…

    #591681 Reply


    I’m frequently on Facebook… But I don’t always respond quickly to friend requests… sometimes I wait a good week or more.

    #591700 Reply


    I think it depends how he sees you.

    If you are just a girl he hooked up with once who he knows likes him, he might not want you as a Facebook friend in case it causes drama.

    If he sees you as a real friend, he’ll most likely accept your request in time.

    The other option is he’s got a girlfriend now and doesn’t want to have to explain to her who you are.

    Don’t worry about sending the request. It’s no big deal. Just don’t reach out again if he doesn’t accept the request.

    #591712 Reply


    There could be a load of reasons as to why he has not accepted…he might not be too active on FB so he has not seen your request or he doesn’t want you to see something on there. I would not worry too much about it since it seems your not really “friends” with each other after the hook up. Guys can be a bit weird when it comes to simple things like this…he could be thinking you are looking for something more even though your not!!!

    #591716 Reply


    Most certainly not a good sign. For a potential couple that is separated temporarily by distance, Facebook is an easy way to stay connected. The fact that he is ignoring your friend request says he has no serious intentions about you. As does the undeniable truth that he was in your area for six months and never reached out to you or asked you on a date. Now, you’re already thinking ahead of dating him if you move to CA….he clearly wasn’t thinking the same thing when he moved to NJ, because the only time you touched based with him is when he happened to be hanging out with mutual friends. He may have flirted with you, he may have seemed to like you, the hard truth is he’s just not that into you. It’s a hard thing to realize…that sometimes things are not the way that they seem, that there are men (and women) out there completely capable of acting like you’re crazy about you in your presence and then you never hear from them again.

    I would withdraw my friend request and do not initiate anything with him again. And should I run into him with mutual friends, I would ignore his azz as much as possible and only be frigidly polite when called upon to do so, not flirt with him so he then can blow me off again.

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