Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I don't understand him and his communication methods
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Lane.
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R.R
Obviously with social distancing, we’re not seeing each other so communication is reliant on phone calls and texts. We’ve been dating for 2 months now with more than 3 weeks of it being in social distancing.
He is absolutely is terrible texter. At first I thought I was being faded but it doesn’t seem so.
We would be having a conversation, he would up and disappear and leave me on read. So I wouldn’t text him, he would later the same day or the next day start another conversation instead on simply just continuing the current one.
His texting habits are very erratic and confusing. And he never calls me first and that bothers me a lot. But he is so responsive when I call. He always makes it a point to return my calls and makes sure he talks to me when I want to to reschedule if he can’t.
I can’t get a read on him, should I stop calling him? Am I missing something here.
T from NY
I am not sure I believe a man has to be a super consistent texter to mean he’s interested in you. I don’t love texting for the most part although I’ll do it because it’s what people do now and it can be fun for romance. The part I see that shows his lack of interest is no phone calls. The man I’m dating now says he hasn’t talked to a girl on the phone as much as we do since he was in high school. If a man is interested in you — you absolutely know it.
I would definitely never initiate texts with this guy again. If he texts you and you feel like answering – do so. But the moment a guy left me hanging once (maybe twice because something can always come up) I wouldn’t put up with that. It’s disrespectful and shows their lack of interest.
Sarah
I disagree with Sophie. This is a tough time for everyone especially when their aren’t any end dates to quarantine for a lot of places – some men are just better in person.
I don’t speak to the guy I’m dating on a consistent basis, but I NEVER reach out first. Some days I get 2-3 phone calls and a bombardment of messages, sometimes i don’t hear from him for a few days – but I know he will always be the one to get in touch so it doesn’t phase me. I don’t doubt his level of interest just because he doesn’t text me constantly – but I would recommend you pull back 100% and allow your guy to have the space to pursue you.
Men are simple – they don’t care about the texts and he probably doesn’t even notice a difference. Just let him lead and you will have your answer.
Allie
I completely disagree with Sophie on the part that says “Guys don’t care about texts.” Each guy is different. And believe me, there are some that care a lot. When I was dating my guy, he would notice and mention any variations of the normal routine we had. My best friend’s boyfriend is the same way too. I’m a writer. I don’t like to be bothered throughout my day but I compromise and text him sometimes. Men are simple to a point. It sounds like the guy that you are dating texts you or gets in touch when he is bored. So that’s a low-level interest guy. Always pay more attention to his actions than his words. That’s where you will find the answer to how much he likes you and sees you as a possible girlfriend/wife. Bombardments of messages mean nothing. It’s consistency in actions and words that help you figure out his true feelings.
Lane
I agree in that men who are super into you notice that stuff and make notice of it such as “is everything OK, I haven’t heard from you?” or something along those lines. I’ve even had guys tell me they would like to hear from me more but the truth is, I only do that with BF’s who have EARNED a place in my life, and even then its like 10% me initiating and 90% them lol.
Men need to work for and earn your time and attention, if they don’t, I push them aside and only give my time and attention to those who do. Makes it much easier to weed out the time wasters.
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