I can't figure out what to call our "relationship"

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Andy 10 months ago.

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  • #635198 Reply


    I need some advice. I can’t understand his feelings for me.
    Let me explain our situation from the beginning. I’ve known him since I was 4 years old. He is 7 years older than me. We used to play-fight a lot. We had lost contact when I was 10 years old. I had a crazy crush on him as a kid, so I found him on fb when I was 15 and messaged him. Then we became good friends. For about a year we were in regular contact. We used to chat almost 24×7. But all of a sudden he became busy with college things and started messaging me less frequently. I was just in school and I couldn’t understand why he was doing that. So then I felt like I was wasting my time and completely shut him off. I didn’t want to fall for him. I knew I would’ve if we kept in touch. Then a few years later, when I was 19, I resumed contact. I started talking to him again and he was more friendly than before. This time we even started flirting sometimes. Just casual flirting. We became close and he told me about his ex. She was the only one he had sex with even though he dated others. Right now I’m 22 and he’s 29. He never claimed to love me. But we still text each other regularly. Last year we met up a few times, and we had some fun dates. I mean dinner dates and going shopping together. We’ve also sexted a few times. Last month while he was in my city he begged me to meet him and spend a night with him. He said there are real feelings between us and that I should give him/”us” a chance. But when I asked him about love he said he doesn’t love me. So I didn’t go to meet him. He told me that he was so sure that I would meet him and he is really disappointed that I didn’t. But from then we’ve never talked about that and he hasn’t been a bit resentful to me. He started talking to me as if nothing happened from then till now. But I feel bad that I didn’t go to visit him. I have some feelings for him. He is an amazing guy. He is on top of my ‘Mr. Perfect’ list. But I cant figure out what he feels for me. When I asked him, he just confused me more. He won’t say love, he wont say lust or infatuation. He just says that he loves my company and he just wants to be with me. Also he said that he didn’t mean sex when he said spending the night together.
    About our personal lives- He is single for almost 5 years now. I’ve been dating and now I’m in a relationship for 2 years. My boyfriend is great but we both know that we have no future together. I know that I will have a better future with (him) than my boyfriend.
    I just want to hear someone else’s opinion. What can you say about him? Should I give him a chance?

    #635201 Reply


    This man has known you for a long long time. He knows how he feels about you.

    He told you he does not love you like that….he likes you.

    What is confusing is how you are stirring what he said.

    Take what he said straight. He enjoys your company. That is it…no more no less.

    #635207 Reply


    Something I missed out- he always asks for a selfie. Whenever it is, whatever I’m doing. I found that a bit weird. I asked him about it and he said he just wants to see me. He asks at least once a day.
    And now when I’ve stopped sexting him, he keeps on trying it again.

    #635210 Reply


    Dear redcurleysue,
    He wants to have sex with me. If he likes me honestly as a friend why does he want to throw away a good friendship?
    The way he talks is confusing me

    #635212 Reply


    Honey you are young and have a lot to learn about men. There is nothing strange here. He thinks you are attractive, he enjoys spending time with you, and he wants to be friends and have sex occasionally. Men are visual and always ask for pictures. You have a long history and a crush, but none of that means the same thing to him as it means for you. He wants a casual, physical FWB type of relationship. That simple. Your feelings are in no way in any place to have such a reltionship. Back off from him because you will only get hurt.

    #635216 Reply


    This man does not like you in that way. If he wanted to be your boyfriend, he would be right now. He only asked for a selfie. Don’t look too deep into it. It is just a picture. He only likes you for your company. Not as a partner. No. Don’t give him a chance. He had plenty. Move on from him and your boyfriend since you see no future with him.

    #635217 Reply


    Why are you even with your current boyfriend if you know you have no future together?!!

    You’re young and obviously extremely naive about relationships and men. But you can’t honestly be so dumb as to think that staying with a guy you see no future with, whilst fantasizing about some other guy you’ve known for a long time is actually a smart thing to do.

    Here’s a thought, maybe you should just be single until you figure out what you actually want? Because not knowing, even at such a young age, will only lead to heartbreak. For you and your boyfriend…

    What Redcurleysue said is right. This guy you fantasize about has had plenty of time to make you his girlfriend and he hasn’t. That’s the reality of the situation.

    #635218 Reply


    You can’t have a future with someone who doesn’t even expressed that he wants to be with you.

    #635251 Reply


    How can you expect someone to love you without having any kind of a relationship except for some messaging?

    However you were smart not to have sex with him.

    Leave your current BF, take some time off to heal and if this mr. perfect guy is still single you can invite him to court you (indirectly of course). If there is a good foundation between you two you might fall in love. LOL. I think there is a good potential here if you manage things carefully.

    #635253 Reply


    If you have to ask how he feels, it means he’s not romantically interested. As the saying goes, when a guy likes you in that special way, it’s obvious. No need to look for signs and analyze the clues. Men don’t give signs and clues. They are straight-forward.

    #635283 Reply


    This post just makes me want to facepalm myself.

    He obviously likes you as a friend and obviously you know this but you just want to play pretend like you are with your boyfriend.

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