Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I broke up with him but he still hasn't responded
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 3 years, 2 months ago by
Maria.
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Maria
Hello everyone!
For the last two months I’ve been dating a guy, but recently I began to realize that although he is a great guy, things just weren’t going anywhere for me. I sent him a lengthy text message (due to the pandemic we can’t see each other right) explaining that he’s an absolutely fantastic person, but I just didn’t think I could be the person he was looking for. I genuinly wished him the best but told him I do not wish to continue seeing each other.He responded that he thinks it’s a shame and that he needs some time to think about it. I was like allright fair enough, but it’s been five days now and I still have not heard from him. Is this normal? What kind of response could he be thinking about for so long anyway? Should I continue leaving him alone or should I ask him if he’s okay or something?
Advice would be most welcome :)
Newbie
Clearly he got over it and doesnt want to continu. If you now contact him again, that would make you look totally flaky. You told hom there is no chemistry and once he gets silent, you want to reach out to know if he is ok. Im sure he will be fine. Let him be
Maria
Hi Newbie, thanks for your response! I thought about that as well, but I don’t think that’s the case to be honest. One of the reasons I did not want to continue this relationship is because he is way more into me than I am into him. I just want to make sure we can end this like adults and in a good way (if that’s even possible as far as breakups go). I’m sure he will respond eventually, it’s just that he’s taking so long….
Lala
You dumped him, what response are you expecting? Did you end it because the relationship was t working out for you or did you send that text hoping to get some sort of response or that he would fight and beg for you? If the latter, that’s never a good tactic.
You ended it, he’s moving on as he shouldLiz Lemon
You dumped him via text, I don’t understand what kind of response you expect? Do you want him to argue? If I were him I wouldn’t respond either, I’d move on.
I’ll also add, it was pretty insensitive to dump him via text. You wanted to “end it like adults”? You should have called and had a conversation if you no longer wanted to date. Especially since you seem eager to have a discussion about it for some reason.
It’s wrong to dump someone over text, but then to expect him to engage in some back and forth with you about it is absurd. Just let him be.
Raven
You got what you wanted, move forward…
Maria
He doesn’t like me to call because he lives with his parents (no privacy that way). And like I said, I can’t see him now because of the COVID restrictions in our country. I will leave him alone. It is not my intention to come across as flaky or to argue with him about it.
AngieBaby
Silence IS a response. LOL. Translation: he isn’t going to try to persuade you otherwise and accepts the termination notice you sent him.
Emily
Agree with Angie Baby. What is there to say to someone who dumped you?
Anderson
We have the freedom to choose when to break up and why. But we cant choose how to make someone else react or feel about it. And that includes the final break up talk.
At ~22, my first ex and a pseudofriend taught me this lesson. Everytime we had the “final polite break up chat” it just would never end. It made us postpone it, get distracted or we pretended to forget about it. Very frustrating. Even though I was partly to blame too. But that’s when I learned my lesson: any last break up chat needs to be swift and relatively cold. Because polite, understanding elaborate discussions have this unique, inherent effect/risk of reconciliation. Or the person struggles to move on. I even gave my ex a headsup before we mutually agreed on a break before the breakup. That she shouldnt expect me to the same caring, chatty and naively selfless person she knows during/after the breakup. That I _will_ go into self-preservation mode. Alas, she had an fit of rage when I let go too easily and had a short goodbye.
And ftr I’m similar to you. I like saying what I want to. Verbal vomit. And ending things on a kind note, wishing people well etc. Hanging onto hatred doesnt give me peace. But this serves a selfish purpose. Having nothing else to say gives me closure no matter how the other person responds, or doesnt. Sure there’s hope sometimes my response is acknowledged or reacted to, but my closure isnt dependant on it. Because people during and after a breakup can and often will completely deviate from who they’ve been. Read the previous line again
I hope this elaborate response gives you what you’re seeking from your ex, but most likely wont get. Take care
Maria
Thank you for your kind and thoughtfull response Anderson! You’re completely right and you managed to voice how I was feeling about the whole thing. I guess I just wanted to make sure he is okay, but it serves a selfish purpose indeed.
Maria
Okay well update: like I expected he did eventually respond. He just needed some time to think and reflect. Thankfully we managed to end it in a good way with mutual respect and wishing each other the best. It may be selfish, but to me this is the most respectfull way to end things and I’m glad we could so we can both move on :)
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