I broke up a week ago


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This topic contains 2 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Betteroffsingle 4 days, 20 hours ago.

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  • #671391 Reply

    E

    I dated the guy only four months but I fell in love. Then I found out he was attempting to cheat on me. I did forgive him once but he treated me like a garbage despite my efforts. I did all I could to make him happy but he was just off. I felt destroyed and betrayed because he attempted just exactly a few days after I opened up slightly of myself for the first time. Therefore, I told him most of the issues I had with him before I left and ended in well bad terms. Now thinking of it, he told me he dated his ex for only six months and for others, it has been one or two weeks romance.

    I have to go to his neighbour today to meet a group of friends. I have just sort of acquainted them and I did not tell them my personal story so they would have no idea. I want to see them but feel uncomfortable by the slightest possibility of bumping into him. Literally five minutes by walk. I am constantly up and down throughout the day. I blame myself for being ugly and not smart enough. Maybe if I had bigger upper part he would not have looked at other girls. Or if I read more books then he would not have looked at other girls. Or if I was taller. If I had better smile. I do not know. Then at certain point, I think the guy did not deserve me and he will never meet a woman who can be as smart and caring as I am (My exes always attempted to contact me after I cut off all the contacts. I know they do this because I always do whatever much I can give to the guys I am dating) Stupid. This is so stupid but makes me so angry and sad.

    I already signed up for tinder. I did not meet anyone but just wanted to get ego boost. Of course it is tinder so as a woman it is easy to get contacted and already few guys asked me out which I declined. At certain point I feel as if I can go out and date and have rebound one night stand. Then one moment later, I feel disgusted just by the existence of male human being.

    How long should I go through to get healed and be confident about myself. Was it really my fault? or was it his misbehavior. I showed the last text messages I got from him to my friend and she almost threw away the phone being angry on behalf of me. I just cannot think properly.

    #671394 Reply

    Lane

    I suggest you stay out of the dating pool right now because with your low self-esteem your going to attract the same kind of men and that’s not a good thing!

    I would purchase some good self-help books that deals with your esteem and confidence. During this time I would also seek out hobbies and activities/social events (meetup.com is good) and meet like minded people that you can have fun and enjoying do things with. Take up a project such as re-decorating, work on a puzzle, go to the gym (great for increasing endorphins and reducing stress). Get into a good emotional head space by doing you for awhile.

    Additionally it sounds like your a ‘giver’ and although its good in some situations its masculine energy that can turn off men if overdone. You sound like you may have some co-dependency traits (a fixer) and that is a very negative trait to have! Try reading “Codependent No More…” by Melody Beatty and see if that rings true to you…if so you need to nip that in the bud before you date again.

    #671397 Reply

    Betteroffsingle

    I think it’s normal to feel those things after being rejected. It’s tough. Especially after you tried to do everything to make him happy. I’m not trying to sound mean but ‘trying to’ might have caused him wander. Trying instead of just being your wonderful self. Which I hope you do at this meetup you have. Laugh and joke with your friends and aquantances. Acknowledge him if you see him and enjoy your time despite him being there.

    Here’s the bright side to this:

    He mentioned his ‘relationships’ are short lived. Feel sorry for the next woman he talks to. Not yourself.Even if he ends up marrying the next girl say good for him and continue to move on. From what it sounds like is you dodged a bullet. He attempted to cheat on you and you caught him. It’s hard to build any trust after that. You will be on edge and constantly questioning his motives waiting for him to betray you again.

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