This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Emma 3 weeks, 4 days ago.
June 21, 2018 at 3:23 am #708985
I’m new to this forum so bare with me. So, basically me and a guy friend from college reconnected in January. Everything was going smoothly. Although, our friendship is long distance we still talked every day and so on and so forth. Well, for the first time I allowed my horrible anxiety to get the best of me I’d say 3 weeks ago. I texted him sort of “going off” because he didn’t text me in the time frame that I desired. He called me, and explained to me he was busy.. but he warned me that he does not like crazy women and that we aren’t in a relationship so I have to relax or he’s going to be pushed away.
Well, I would say after a week or so of that I literally acted “crazy” again and WORSE this time. I have chronic anxiety and PTSD so that all plays a huge part in my worrying and fears. Although, that is no excuse. It helps to disclose that part. Anywho, so he didn’t answer my call on Friday and I freaked out! I texted him a bombard of text and called him a bunch of times to the point he refuses to talk to me and even blocked my number.
I’ve been texting him off other numbers and sending mass amounts of text messages with no response. When he does answer the phone after I call insanely enough he just says he doesn’t want to talk to me and to leave him alone. I am feeling extremely regretful. I acted out of emotion and anxiety. I didn’t control myself. I do this with EVERY MAN back to back. I scare them all away with this same problem. The problem IS me. I feel so hopeless and I’m so depressed. I keep begging him to answer, begging him to talk to me, nothing is working. It’s been 4 days and he will not talk to me.
I love talking to him a lot. We’re really great friends. I miss him. I don’t know what else to do. I kept apologizing and looking downright pathetic, NO LUCK. He even texted my best friend telling her I won’t leave him alone and he doesn’t know what to do because I keep calling/texting; but I am only calling/texting because I am freaking out and I’m tired of men leaving me every time for this same BS! I just want him to forgive me.
Is there any way to turn this situation around? I really liked him a lot and I feel horrible. The more I call, I can tell he is getting more and more pissed off and I am feeling awful; but if I stop calling I feel my anxiety horribly! Help
June 21, 2018 at 3:51 am #708987
I totally understand you but the problem with anxiety is that you are looking for a guy to fill a need in you and that’s not his job. Another human being will never be able to fulfill you. You need to work on yourself and be aware of your value – apart from a man or a friend.
I went through similar things in the past and for me personnaly I’ve found my worth in having a relationship with God, I believe God is the only one really able to make you feel deeply secure. I’m still working on things but I’ve seen massive progress.
You can also read about this problem on the web and seek help. Discover who you really are, start loving yourself, spend time doing things you love. You’ll see that when you don’t NEED someone anymore, you will be in a much better place to have healthy relationships.
For your current situation, I think the only way this guy would want to speak to you again is to take a step back and not contact him anymore. Let him some space. If he still want contact with you after that he will come back, and if not there’s nothing you can do to change that.
I wish you the best!
HugsJune 21, 2018 at 7:06 am #708989
May I ask why you aren’t working on fixing your issues?
He’s not the answer or solution, no man or woman is, whereas a big part of growing up and maturing into adulthood is finding solutions with PROFESSIONALS who have the skills to provide you with the tools to manage it so you stop pushing people away.
Do you work? Do you do this with co-workers or your boss? With female friends? Its time to take full responsibility for YOUR actions instead of punishing others for it. No one likes to be around ‘crazy people’ its exhausting and scary–you scared the hell out him and can’t blame him from not wanting to be the object of your obsession.June 21, 2018 at 7:27 am #708991
Please stop contacting him, for your sake and his. He’s ignored you, blocked you, told you to leave him alone and told your friend to tell you to leave him alone. His next stop may be the police. Stalking is a crime you you could end up in serious trouble if you keep this up.
You need to get some professional help so you can learn how to deal with your anxiety. Otherwise this pattern will continue and you’ll never be able to have a relationship.
Focus on making you better, not on him. He’s gone and you have to accept that. No one ever gives in and wants to be with their stalker. They just grow to really dislike and resent them. You don’t even really like this guy or care for him. If you did, you would respect his requests to leave him alone. This is all about you, your feelings and your anxiety, not how he feels at all.June 21, 2018 at 8:44 am #708998
First off, you didn’t act “crazy”, you acted like a person with anxiety. A normal mind processes a communication delay rationally ie, “Oh, that person is busy so can’t talk right now, so I can do something else and will hear from them later”. You basically assigned their lack of response to them having a problem with you.
Bottom line is you need some professional help, which is nothing to be ashamed of. I get anxiety too and have done what you did, to the same end. I got some help, learned a little more about anxiety in relationships (I read a great book called “Attached”). I also take an anxiety med as needed, which I rarely need these days- but when my mind would go running, I’d take the medication and it would disrupt the pattern.
AND what I have learned is that pretty much 10x out of 10, when I am flipping out about not hearing from someone, I hear from them later and life is just fine. :)
For this guy, give it space, get yourself some help, and down the road, reach out with a sincere apology and leave it. You may have burned a bridge.
But trust me, I get you, I’ve been exactly where you are, where you reach out to someone and you don’t hear back and your brain basically shifts into an obsessive mode. You do need to take accountability for it, but the good thing is that there are things that can help you get past it.June 21, 2018 at 8:46 am #708999
Also- some coping things for me that are non drug:
1. Go do something without my phone
2. Find another friend to talk to
3. Avoid dating/immediately drop people with overly sporadic communication habits (ie, the guys that pop up after 2-3 days of ignoring a text, I just immediately nicely drop.)June 21, 2018 at 10:24 am #709006
Find a therapist, STAT!
Take your phone & throw it out the window, I’m serious…June 21, 2018 at 11:22 am #709011
This man has made it very clear that he no longer wants to be in touch with you. Please respect his wishes and stop contacting him.
I’m sorry to hear your anxiety and PTSD has gotten in the way of relationships but, now is the time to seek help.
I really suggest that you work heavily on the issues before you consider dating againJune 21, 2018 at 3:50 pm #709054
You are looking at a restraining order if you don’t stop!
You do need help. from a therapist.
Remember the astronaut lady with the adult diapers? (google it if you don’t). You don’t wanna end up that way, do you?
Get some help dear. This is symptomatic of some much deeper issues than just this guy since you say it is a pattern.June 21, 2018 at 8:55 pm #709101
Leave him alone. For God’s sake. He’s going to put a restraining order on you and then everyone will think you’re a psycho. Is that what you really want? Leave the poor guy alone!June 21, 2018 at 9:36 pm #709103
I am sorry this is happening to you. Precious one, you need professional help right away.
Do not delay. See your doctor and tell him what is going on. Here, on this forum we cannot help you the way you need to be helped.
I want better for you but I cannot take you to a doctor from here.June 21, 2018 at 9:53 pm #709106
I am sorry for how you feel, but this is emotional violence! Yes you have anxiety but what about him? Imagine someone harassing YOU this way!
Anxiety is not an excuse to violently attack a person! You are attacking him and forcing him to do what you want. And you’ve done with with all other men, having the same result. But instead of trying to change, you scream that you are TIRED of them leaving you for the same reason. What did you expect? Seriously what do you expect when you do that? A person would give in and call you and then things would be lovey dovey? They feel HARASSED when you do that, insulted. Do you not get it at all? You are only concern about how you feel and what it is that you need.
As you deal with your anxiety, start working on empathy too. It is not all about you.
“because he didn’t text me in the time frame that I desired.” – just listen to yourself. He has the right NOT to text you, not to respond to you, not to see you anymore. it is his choice. You cannot force him! regardless of what YOU want.
Do you have anger episodes? Scream and yell often? With relatives, friends?
You do need to work on yourself. Good “professional help” is very hard to find, most of them are repeating text book cliches and immediately label you with some fancy diagnosis and of course pusing pills on you. They get paid for each prescription filled, so naturally pill and pills. But you should still look for someone, you are going to ruin your future this way. At least go to anger management groups. There are some anonymous groups like that. Google and you’d find them.
But underneath all this is disregard and disrespect for the needs of other people. Not just anxiety. If roles were reversed, a woman would call police, being afraid of thing escalating even further…with pushing and forcing.