How to move on


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  • #929354 Reply
    Usy

    Hi all, this is a long thread so please bear with me. I was in a relationship with a girl about 6 years ago, we were only together for around 4 months and things were going well until I found out she was engaged. One of my friends found out and when I confronted her she denied it but I found out it was true after seeing him on her social media so I deleted her off everything even though she tried messaging me just before her wedding. She eventually ended up getting divorced a year in to her marriage, that was around 5 years ago. Around last year we got back in touch and we got back together as she seemed to have changed a lot, but a while in to the relationship she revealed that she did have quite a few boyfriends before then and that she had slept with a few. I was understanding and things seemed to be going fine after and we even planned for marriage, but then I noticed how much of a rush she was in to get married and how she said she always misses me. But lately we have argued a lot and she has really wound me up to the point where I didn’t want to speak to her, she knew I wanted my space but to get my attention she ended up blocking me off everything. When I asked why she blocked me she said she didn’t want me to have access to her if I can’t commit to her, even though she has a lot of random guys on there! She eventually unblocked me. My own family wasn’t happy about my relationship as my mother wasn’t keen on her but I eventually persuaded her to accept (I realise now how stupid I was). A few months later, I noticed her being open again about other guys but instead of saying anything I stayed quiet. When she asked why I was quiet, she insisted that I can talk to her about anything so I told her that I wasn’t happy with how open she is with other guys, she then went on to say how she didn’t want to be with someone that is insecure as her ex husband was the same. I was quite annoyed at this point as she has said herself in the past that she is insecure too and she always had mood swings and emotional issues due to her endometriosis which I was always understanding of, it hurt that she couldn’t be understanding of my mental health. So then she went on to complain about me not committing to her, at this point I had enough of it and said that if she wants to end it she should do it now so she went ahead and blocked me off social media. She didn’t block my number but now I have blocked hers so she can’t get in touch with me. I told my mother that we had broken up so she shouldn’t get in touch with her mother to sort wedding arrangements, at that point my mom informed me that she rang her mom a couple of weeks ago but she said that she was busy and that she would ring back later which she never did. I was tempted to unblock her and have a go at her for saying that I was the reason things weren’t progressing. But I though forget it, I no longer want anything to do with her anymore. Did I make the right decision and how do I move on?

    #929356 Reply
    Ewa

    sorry to say it but this girl is a mess, I think she did you a favour and you should definitely keep her blocked forever.

    #929357 Reply
    Lane

    When you are in the *thick of it* you are riding a tidal wave of emotions that will take you on a wild ride and your brain is unable to sort it all out. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill or formula to end the pain, and loss of the relationship you are feeling but what I found was super helpful when I left my husband of over 20 years was to start “venting through writing.”

    Putting it all on paper, as if writing a letter to her as to how much she’s hurt you is very cathartic as it helps you to put it in perspective and see the true picture of how toxic and dysfunctional your relationship is. Once you’ve finished the letter, print two copies. Put one in a file folder in a good hiding spot and don’t look at it again for at least a year. Take the other copy, go outside, and burn it. After its burned, immediately start the process of doing anything and everything to keep your mind off her by engaging in all kinds of activities such as hitting the gym (great for endorphin release), binging on comedies, joining a sport, taking up hobbies, focusing on your career, setting short and long term goals, reading a lot of ‘self-help books (you may want to read up on co-dependency); and surrounding yourself with people who lift you up.

    Do not date even try to replace her with another woman for a minimum of 9 months. I say this because men are good at squashing their feelings and trying to replace one with another is not only bad for you as it keeps you from healing but especially the female victims you drag into your emotional mess. They don’t deserve to become your pawns in your breakup game, its mean and selfish, so stay clear of dating for a good while, take the time to truly heal, and get to a good mental place before you even consider dating again. Good luck

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