How to get him to miss me OR feel like he might lose me?


Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals How to get him to miss me OR feel like he might lose me?

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  • #370107 Reply
    Amaris

    I don’t know what to do? I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for the past 4 months. Things were so amazing in the very beginning, as always. But now that we are 4 months in, I feel as though he’s not as interested? or that he feels way to comfortable or that he really feels like he won’t lose me or whatever. I don’t like that because he’s been slacking off A LOT on the chasing or the woo’ing me. His texts have slowed down dramatically, his sweet “I miss you” and other messages have slowed down. He used to call me once a day, but now I’ve been calling him, at least to say ‘goodnight’. When we first started dating, we were seeing each other about 3 times a week, now we only see each other about once or twice a week, usually once. We are boyfriend and girlfriend. We are not seeing anyone else, but it feels like he’s pulling away :(

    My question is, HOW can I get him to miss me or FEEL like he might lose me, without being mean or rude or actually leaving him. I also don’t want to give him altimatum as I don’t believe those things work.

    What can I do to make him feel like I’m pulling away or that I’m losing interest?!?! I just want him to realize that he DOESN’T have me secured in his back pocket!

    #370110 Reply
    Juliette

    Just stop calling him (which also includes texting). In order for him to miss you You actually have to LET HIM MISS YOU.

    #370114 Reply
    Amaris

    Thanks Juilette, I know that the answer is very obvious, but it’s so much easier said than done. I tried to do that yesterday. I didn’t call him or text him all day long. Usually I’ll get at least a few texts in the day from him, if not he will usually call me in the evening, but nothing. I tried to be strong but I broke down and called him lastnight. Our convo was fine, but STILL!!! I’m scared if I just don’t call him or text him, that he will take it the wrong way and think I don’t want to be with him anymore, which is SO FAR from the truth.

    Ahhh! I hate being a woman sometimes, with all these emotions! LOL.

    #370123 Reply
    Amy

    Don’t make him a priority.
    I know it sucks but go out with friends, pick up a hobby…fill your schedule so you don’t think about him.
    I know you guys rarely see each other now but next time he tries to make plans with you, say you’re busy.

    just stop thinking obsessively about him. and if he doesn’t reach out maybe you shouldn’t be together anymore.

    #370130 Reply
    Juliette

    Amaris
    I never said it was easy. You can surely make it through one day. Four months ago you didn’t even know him and you made it through every day, right? You owe it to yourself to just pull back for ONE DAY. Come back tomorrow and let us know how you did.
    Good luck – you can do it.

    #370135 Reply
    Amaris

    You’re so right Juliette! Thank you for your supporting words. I’m definitely going to try this and I’ll come back here tomorrow to update how it went and if he called me! :)

    #370149 Reply
    Juliette

    Good luck. Just remember that guys don’t think like we do. They typically just prattle along assuming everything is just fine. Try to keep busy and know that you are not the first woman to have ever dealt with this. You can do it!

    #370197 Reply
    Mel

    Amaris,

    I want to ask you a few questions and I want you to be honest. Have you consciously or unconsciously started to make your world more about him, have you started to let things go that you use to enjoy before you met him or even things that you still did at the beginning of the relationship that you no longer do because you wish to take his phone call or see him?

    If so then that is the problem you are no longer the same girl he fell for, I am not wanting to condemn you for it we all do it honey it is part of us as a female. But we have to learn to control that even though we want to spend this time and give up things for him we can not do that, we have to stay the same, this is the engraved fear in men that they will lose something and that we will change.

    Please take a step back and think about it, think on how you have changed over the relationship and undo those changes re-become the girl he started dating. Once you do that you will see the change in him, he will start to notice it. It is not all about NC believe me not all guys respond to it in the same way and NC should never be used as a tool to get a guy to do what you want him to do or behave a way that you think that he should behave. NC is to only be used when you need to become yourself again it is never about him.
    Take back yourself, he will follow.

    #370209 Reply
    Waryfairy

    Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?? Sometimes guys just don’t realise what they are doing. When you first start, guys pursue you like crazy, they would go out of their way to do things for you but once they’ve got you, they start to settle back into how things were before they met you, how they were, back into their usual daily routines that didn’t consist of heaps of daily text messages or calls. I don’t know why guys do that but they do. Most guys don’t like texting or constantly checking in with calls. They don’t see communication the same way as women. We see communication a form of bonding but guys just see communication as what it is, just to communicate. If there is nothing of importance they feel they need to communicate with you, they just don’t think of calling or texting.

    Another thing is, guys don’t notice the importance of constantly telling their girlfriend they love them or miss them. They seem to think that they told you in the beginning so you should know. They aren’t aware that we freak out when they stop saying it as often, they don’t realise that we take it as they’re losing interest. Bottom line, we think very differently.

    I would say the best thing to do first is talk to him. Tell him how you feel & try to understand why things have slowed down or stopped. It could be that he genuinely had no idea he was doing it. Try to understand his point of view. If there was another reason for the changes then talking might help get it out of him too.

    Good luck

    #586347 Reply
    zandi

    how can I make my boyfriend miss me and call me

    #586352 Reply
    claudia

    ” I’m scared if I just don’t call him or text him, that he will take it the wrong way and think I don’t want to be with him anymore, which is SO FAR from the truth.”
    this is a very interesting statement, the fact that he is not calling or texting should indicate to you that he is that interested anymore , in your definations

    #586353 Reply
    claudia

    He is not that interested anymore*

    #586359 Reply
    redcurleysue

    You have no confidence that he cares about you.

    So, is that the truth?

    If it is would you want to know or not know? Trust me, he feels how he feels about you and you cannot control that.

    No matter what you do. So, chin up, believe he is crazy about you and go about your day. I would not chase him around.

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