how often do guys come back after disappearing


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  • #406054

    sweets

    Was dating a guy for a couple of months, where he put in all the effort and the dates were special and my friends said he seemed to like me a lot. We slept together but went on dates without sleeping with each other after also. Then he disappeared. He said he was super busy and still wants to see me, but it has been two weeks without seeing him. He said he would call and he never did. I don’t understand if he will be back after he is less busy, or if he is just done with me and was saying he wanted to see me as a way of fading out. Thanks.

    #406055

    Harley

    Most likely faded out.

    Most likely ….will be back when he wants an ego boost and or sex.

    could be weeks months or years before he is back.

    give him a miss…he’s not putting the effort in.

    #406065

    redcurleysue

    Hi Sweets,

    Yes this guy is off the radar – may come back may not – he is not serious for you.

    #406078

    Sweets

    So it’s definitely over? He’s been very busy the past two weeks but he’s been on facebook and didn’t call when he said he would.. I guess I should delete him from facebook and block his number now so I can forget and move on?

    #406086

    Harley

    Re fb and phone…that’s only a decision you can make. Most regular posters recommend YES.

    re moving on. ..definately a YES.

    #406103

    Very Confused

    Sweets a man can never be that busy for two weeks! It takes less than a minute to say hi and to tell you, yes still busy! Or to check how are you doing! In two weeks you can go on holiday, come back and he won’t know!! What kind of relationship is that?? No message is also a message! Grieve and move on..also when he comes back, try not to go back to starting point with him. Some guys would like to keep you hanging..

    #406105

    Lane

    Hi Sweets.

    This is how a lot of guys determine if its lust, infatuation or love. A guy needs to be able to MISS YOU (which they do when they take some space) and feel what life would be without you in it. If they can be OK without you in it, then its not love, which is why they prefer the fade because they hate hurting a ladies a feelings and they hope you’ll just move on when they stop showing up—you should always be ready for this event.

    Now if not having you in his life would be painful, he can’t get you out of his head and his life would be un-fulfilling without you in it, then its usually love and he will let you know it pretty quickly after this event. Men aren’t in tune with their emotions like woman because their brains are wired differently. They don’t have instant access to their emotions which is why they need to perform tests (like taking space) because they struggle with defining them. This is why they run from them too when a woman gets overly emotional (dramatic) because they can’t process the same kind of feelings we do and instinctively feel the need to get away from them when it causes them too much stress.

    Men are from MARS and Women are from Venus…we really are! (hint)

    #406118

    Louisa

    The exact same situation happened to me and it sucks…
    He came back after a month saying he was too busy and even not in town.
    He asked me to meet again and when I told him that sex will not be part of our date (in a more subtle way obviously), he canceled on me 1h before saying he had to reschedule.
    Since then, I have not heard from him..

    So as stated before, he will go back eventually for ego boost or sex…

    #406128

    Sweets

    I sent him a text saying that I realise it’s over, if there was any particular reason at all, that It was nice knowing him. He called that minute apologizing again, saying he’s never been so stressed in his life, that he’s busy to be in a relationship right now but wants to see me and he likes me a lot and that I’m the sweetest genuine person he’s met. I said we will see, maybe after my holiday, and he asked to see me next week but I said I couldn’t. But I’m glad we spoke, and that we got things clarified. I feel soo much better, like I can move on now, and I didn’t r blame him or anything.

    #406130

    Rose

    Answering the initial question, how often they come back? I’d say in my case very often, almost all guys have came back after some period of time. Fortunately the time they are away is enough for me to move on and I always reject that second attempt. The “oh so super busy, can’t even touch my phone” is an excuse. If he can take five minutes to sit on the toilet he has five minutes to tex. I know men only text with a purpose and I think this one has taken you for granted that’s why he doesn’t bother. Or maybe he’s on his rubber band period? … Who knows? Give him time and if he comes back then try to figure out what his intentions are.

    #406136

    Lane

    Rose, he’s not in his rubber band period. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her. That’s what he meant when he said “I can’t be in a relationship right now” as its classic man speak that every women needs to learn and listen for it. Anytime a man says it this way, that’s exactly what he means and should immediately stop wasting time on him.

    #406141

    sweets

    Yes, sadly he clearly doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I won’t see him again. Very grateful to have learnt that on this site.

    #406178

    alia

    I have to agree with the posters who say they will always come back. They always do, and usually it is as if they sense that you have moved on and not a minute sooner. Baffles me every time.

    #406191

    Harley

    Ha ha Alia. ..baffles me too !

    #406192

    Lagirl

    They come back because it’s easier to hit up an old gf or someone they dated , than to find a new one. Men will keep you around as an option to fall back on when bored or don’t have anyone else to focus on.

    Many times its to get sex or an ego boost. Shows him he can disappear and still get your attention.

    #406194

    Harley

    The WHY they come back does not baffle me….The TIMING does. Every time….you just get over a guy….BAM…guydar/radar…..He appears.

    #406202

    Lane

    I agree Alia. There’s a guy I met once at a party over two years ago who I never went on a date with and he still “pops in” two or three times a year asking how I’m doing—I just delete his text and have never responded once. He recently freaked me out by finding out who I was, have no clue how because my cell number is unlisted and unpublished (I checked), and attempted to friend me on FB and I’m like WTH?!? Its creepy.

    I honestly think their bored (too much down time) and go through their contact list wondering which one’s will amuse them for a bit or who might be down for some sex. I don’t entertain these guys, but it confuses a lot of the younger ladies on here who are trying to figure out what he wants because he texts but doesn’t ask them on a date OR if she wants to come to his or he can come to hers…sadly, too many fall for it.

    #406217

    Rose

    That’s true Lane, he did say that. I agree, when they say they don’t want a relationship it is true. Not with the lady they say that to anyways. Because sometimes they would say that to one and get into a relationship with the next one. Best to listen to what they say and believe it. They usually lie about wanting a relationship not about not wanting one.

    #450774

    Tali

    Met a guy in france Thorow friends we had a great week together then I flew to another city and he stay in france since i left he only what’s uprising no call nothing only what’s up after a week whys up me on daily base he inform me out of the blue that he did a medical test in beefing of july and everything was ok and then he did another one two days after I left and is it alright and between those days beginning of july till he met me end july he dated two girls and slept with them without condom and he goes not sure who gave me this gift not sure f is you cause to early to know and I say to my self wtf you can’t call why you keep doing test every two weeks and hope you didn’t slept with Hockers etc and he say I want you to take foodedication and he sende the report of the exsam then he say he will go to the doctor to ask I ask him to send me the report on English so o can understand and he never do he say you can go to a doctor who speak french then he write a day later that he went to the doctor and he say his nothing to do with sex and it because he was caufing and he don’t like the way I response and he will cancel me the ticket to come see him I say till now do t understand the report big relief and sorry if I was hard on you got scared and wish him nice weekend and since then he dissapir

    #450775

    Khadija

    Tali,
    Try posting your question in a new post, you’ll get more responses that way.

    #461715

    Angel

    I’m having the same problem. Ive been friends with this man for maybe ten years or more. In the past i had a feeling he may of had a thing for me but, never acted on it.. Just the other week he tells me hes always attracted to me and has good intentions and has been thing about me alot.. There would be days hed wait for me to text. I asked if it made him feel good and he said yes because i show interest. One night he was at the bar and started saying he was a bad man and everything. And i told him i was confused and he said I am drunk and confused. Told him i was goin to bed and he said goodnight old friend. Until next time. He was good friends with my daughter’s father who past away over two years ago. We hung out one time after he came out about his feelings but, he had asked several times before if I wanted to go places with him.. Idk if i should tell him I dont want to lose him as a friend or sit back and wait to see if he bounces back.. He also said he feels like I’m the one hes ment to be with and after ten years he asked me if he had a chance.

    #482352

    Elle

    So if a guy i thought i had a connection with just stops calling what should i do?He used to call me so often and his words made me feel special.I thought we had a real connection even if later he bluntly told me he wants sex from me only to later tell me that he really likes me.Then in mid-august when the calls and messages got less and less he said he is having problems and is seeing a therapist and tbh when he said that i tried to be supportive by sending him sweef messages to boost his self esteem,but never prying.However,one time he was very rude to me despite the fact that i sent him the sweetest message ever and addressing him by a cute nickname,but he embarrased me by telling me that he never told me that was his name and that i should call him with what he is called.He apologized later but only because i sent him a message saying he cant see how much i care and im sorry if i bothered. Two weeks later we met at a club and said hi then i told him that i have to go,he asked me where to so in a moment of impulse i said “to hang out with ppl who appreciate me!”.I told him i was joking but he gave me the meanest look ever and when i tried to break the ice by suggesting we go outside to talk about something related to me he very coldly rejected me.I apologized if my impulsive comment had bothered him and told him that i really care about him but wont bother him anymore.

    It’s been 3 months now and no contact so i guess he is never coming back.My question is, even if he was doing a slow fade or ghosting of whatever it’s called,it hurts me so much that he was so rude to me.Anyone else ever felt the same way?I have been rejected before and it makes you angry but the rudeness was just too much.

    Secondly is it fair that while we were talking he tells me some really personal family problems claiming that he only shared this with his best friend and me because im so close to his heart.On our last date he told me he would never hurt me and we would always be friends.Believe it or not i was ok with a friendship because i really liked him as a person and liked having him in my life.However,his behaviour is just rude and makes me resent him.

    BTW,we never had sex

    #482359

    Maria

    Yeah…when guys say they are busy, this usually means busy with someone else. No one is that busy as not to send a couple of texts, I agree with Very Confused.

    Even if he comes back, and 90% of them do come back at least once, it is very often for the wrong reasons, ego boost because some other girl dumped them, quick and easy sex, easier to hook up with an old gf than get a new one, boredom, so if you give in easily, you are likely to get dumped yet again.

    I am sorry it happened to you, don’t chase him, do not contact him in any way, and if he comes back, make him work for your time and your attention and do not give him sex.

    #482401

    sweets

    btw this guy texted a month (in april) later asking me how i was. I said I was good thanks, and that was that. I deleted him from facebook and never heard from him again.

    #482426

    evelyn

    this happened to me a few weeks ago. went on an amazing date and he did the slow fade. and you know what, i didn’t hound him, i just really took it as…he wasn’t interested. i am NEVER one to send those texts….hey, are you alive/what’s up/how’s work/how was your trip text (only to my close girlfriends) because i think silence/fading speaks volumes. this guy told me some personal things too, but i honestly think that they talk about personal issues, keep texting because it’s new and exciting at the moment. but the mere thought of having to delve into a semi relationship (this requires seeing the girl quite often) it becomes a daunting task. what i’m trying to say is, he has to really really like you, in order for him to contact you. and not just kinda a lot, he needs to like you A LOT. but hey, you know what – let them find that someone else…you know that you are better than that. no grown man does that, and so just know that you need to move on. if he fades on you, you fade on him. simple as that. don’t make yourself look needy and don’t present yourself as a psycho. i think that leaves him wondering even more. will he ever contact me again? i don’t know. it’s been a couple of weeks, but there’s no chance in hell that i’m contacting him because if you’re too busy then you shouldn’t be dating. which leaves me to believe that these men have pulled this before and probably girls have fallen for it. be the different one who realizes this sooner and don’t even give him the upperhand. if he doesn’t contact you, fine…then you go radio silent also. ladies, you’re better than acting like you need a man to survive.

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