How do you tell if a guy only wants sex or something else?


Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice How do you tell if a guy only wants sex or something else?

This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Emma 1 day, 22 hours ago.

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  • #635487 Reply

    Mia

    I got approached by a guy over the weekend. I was by myself, standing outside a restaurant looking at the menu to decide if I wanted to eat at this place. Then a guy stopped next to the menu. I thought he wanted to read the menu too. He then asked me if this was the best restaurant in the area. I said I didn’t know, I was just reading the menu. Then he asked me if I could recommend anything to him. I told him I was new here and didn’t know much. And I suggested him to check yelp for reviews. He started to make jokes and have conversations with me. Probably 5min after, I realized he wasn’t just asking for a place to eat. After talking for about 10min, he asked if I wanted to grab some coffee with him. I was so hungry and said I wanted to go eat. Then he asked my number and said he’d love to hang out with me later in the week.

    Today he texted me that he enjoyed meeting me and would love to know more about me.

    Up till this point, can anyone tell what he’s looking for from me? Hookup? Potential date? Casual friends? Too early to tell anything?

    #635495 Reply

    Amanda

    You can’t tell until you go on a date and ask him directly. If what you are looking for is a long term committed reltionship, then ask him if he is looking for the same. Doing this on the first date weeds out the ones you don’t want and saves a ton of time and heartache.

    #635510 Reply

    Anon

    Go on a date with him but please please PLEASE don’t ask him if he’s looking for a commuted / long term / relationship or any variation on that theme: if he’s mildly interested you will terrify the guy and ruin and opportunity of a relationship flourishing!!

    The best thing to do is have your own standards e.g. Don’t sleep with him on the first date, let him initiate calls : texts, let him take you on lovely dates and have a nice time. If he doesn’t live up to the standards you set yourself ( e.g. He asks for sex on the first date) then walk or run the hell away: on to the next guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

    I have a lot of single guy friends who have told me horror stories where they have met a girl, been excited to take them out / get to know them THEN all of a sudden the women start talking about intentions / marriage / family plans! The poor guys only wanted to go out and get to know the girl to see if there is potential for something more and all they ended up with is a woman looking for marriage/ babies. it doesn’t matter who the potential husband / father is as clearly demonstrated by the woman asking these question with her new date aka a complete stranger!!!

    Set your standards, be safe and have some fun! That’s what dating is supposed to be about, you can have all the other conversations once you’ve got to know the guy a bit better!

    #635514 Reply

    she aint me

    Its WAY too soon to tell. If your “into” him go out with him. If you really want to know that, go on a couple dates with him. See if he’s consistent with you, appreciative of your time & listens to you. A guy who is truly interested in you will actually have sex with another girl (if the time isn’t right for you) before he ruin his chances of possibly being exclusive with you. You will know where he wants to take the relationship by what he texts you, if all his topics are about sex…you can recognize genuine interest over a “booty call” so if that’s your concern I would have a mental time period before I would consider giving him any “goodies” And of course you can flat out ask him, you be surprised of how men can be honest, hope that helps you….

    #635523 Reply

    What

    What? Are you 15 years old? He asked you for a date bit to marry you

    #635524 Reply

    redcurleysue

    I think you can ask someone in a direct way without coming across as marriage and babies.

    As there is a lull in the conversation you can ask, “Now just why is such a (handsome, interesting, etc…use your own adjective) man dating at this time in his life? Be prepared that he may ask you the same question but you have got the cards on the table. It is an innocent, getting to know you question. Pay attention to how he responds to this…if he deflects it then he might not be seriously looking…if he comes back with something on the order of, “I am looking for someone special” then you know where he is coming from.

    A guy who is looking is not afraid to say so.

    #635535 Reply

    Guh.

    Would you be freaking out about it if it was a girl and you had just become friends with? Wondering…the what ifs? The intolerable insecurity. Omg.
    Me personally I kind of avoid talking about what the guy is ‘looking’ for on a first date. Or even talk about future plans. Let it flow naturally find out what his hobbies are what he is passionate about and talk about that. Ask lots of questions. Don’t worry if he’s going to ask you out again. So what if he doesn’t? Treat him like you would a friend. Don’t instantly treat this as if it’s going to be a long term thing.

    #635537 Reply

    SJ

    I’m sure the guy who picked you up on the street thinks you are the amazing girl of his dreams and is home fantasizing about tying the knot with you right now.

    #635539 Reply

    Liz

    Up till this point, can anyone tell what he’s looking for from me? Hookup? Potential date? Casual friends? Too early to tell anything?

    I totally see where you’re coming from Mia. Maybe you are just thinking too much? I have the same problem. You really like this guy and your mind is like a thousand ping pong balls bouncing around.

    My question is this do guys pick up on that? With the girl going into a first date with all these questions and possible doubts and this subconscious vulnerability…and do they take advantage of that?

    I’m sure he might be nervous about it too. It’s not like you met online or anything. He gets points in my book for approaching you like that. I don’t see that happening much these days it’s either swipe left to reject or swipe right for a maybe.

    There was something about you Mia he just had to ask you out and for your number. I say it’s too early to tell anything. Quit stressing and enjoy every minute. just do you. He obviously likes you and you may kill that attraction with the 21 questions of insecurity.

    #635561 Reply

    Mia

    Thanks ladies!

    I should’ve clarified why I asked this question

    I have a bf, long distance. I just moved to a new place (not where he is) and explore the new world. I’d love to make new friends. And I know having a bf doesn’t prevent that. I just thought if the guy is looking for hookups, I have no interest. If he’s up to hanging out and being friends, I’m in. But up till this point, I haven’t found an appropriate way to tell him that I’ve a boyfriend or what his intention is. Also I thought guys nowadays don’t generally approach girls like this unless they really wanna something from her

    #635563 Reply

    Guh

    Ok so how would your boyfriend feel about you talking to this other guy?

    That makes you untrustworthy… don’t you think?

    Do you see yourself taking 5 (or more depending on your tolerance) shots with this guy and not going home and sleeping with him? Even if you didn’t want to and he somehow convinced you to could you still tell him no?

    How would you feel if your boyfriend was in a situation like this?

    Ghost this guy. You’re getting his hopes up.

    Guys normally don’t approach girls or ask for their number when they aren’t attracted to them.

    #635565 Reply

    Raven

    With this extra tad-bit of information, seems it’s the OP who may be looking for more …?

    #635567 Reply

    Shoshannah

    Mia, do you really think he may have only friendship in mind? Please… I also moved when I had a bf, so I know how it is and that you need friends. But this is not the way to find them.

    #635574 Reply

    Algo

    He either wants to date you casually or seriously, don’t continue with this man. If a man asks you out from off the street he’s not looking for friends. If you continue with this man, it Will seem to your Bf like you don’t Care at all about his feelings.

    If you’re looking for friends, MeetUp.com is your place to be!

    Please don’t make LD more difficult and complicated than it already is.

    #635585 Reply

    Marie

    I will say guys don’t approach any women with the intent of just being friend zoned. I’ve never heard of any guy saying “yep, I’d like to be her friend”. Chances are he is attracted on some level, depending on how vested in your relationship you are, just come right out and tell him. There does not need to be good timing if you are committed to staying committed to your existing relationship.

    #635607 Reply

    Hannah

    A man doesn’t approach a woman in the street because she looks like she might make a good friend. He probably already has friends. He approached you because he was attracted to you. Tell him about your boyfriend and watch him run!

    #635673 Reply

    Mia

    Thank you ladies! I’m so glad I posted this before doing anything.

    I sent a closure test to this guy. I don’t think there’ll be anything happening between us now.

    #635682 Reply

    Janet

    He sounds nice, but until yoi go on a date – you don’t, we don’t – no one knows!?!?!

    #635688 Reply

    Joe

    Make female friends and tell this guy you have a boyfriend.

    #635718 Reply

    Emma

    Mia do you really think men pick up girls on the street for friendship? I don’t think so. LOL You don’t think so, you were flattered of course but don’t look for excuses LOL.

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