Home › Forums › Texting Advice › His texting has slowed WAY DOWN…
- This topic has 19 replies and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by
kelsie.
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Jo
Hi there. I met a nice man online almost three months ago. We progressed from constant e-mailing to IM, phone, texting and then we had 3 very good dates. I have noticed over the past couple of weeks his texting has begun to diminish. He still shows interest, but the drop un contact has me worried and full of anxiety. At first, he texted me throughout the day, good morning, goodnight, etc. Then the good morning/nights got sporadic and now don’t happen. He takes longer to respond to me (but still does if I initiate) and the comvos drop off sooner than before. I haven’t heard from him in two days now and I have not texted him to see if he will initiate. However, I am so afraid that he won’t contact me. Usually, I give in after a couple of days and text him and he responds positively. I am so depressed over this and I know I shouldn’t be. Any thoughts? Thank you
Amy
This is just a typical guy’s courtship pattern so there’s nothing to worry about.
Go live a full life and when he does contact you again, play it cool while carrying on being busy. If he doesn’t contact you, just be glad that you have your answer early on.patsytshirt
Where did you meet him online? Dating site or app? Maybe he is texting you less lately because now he is focusing more on someone else. you should stop contact to see how far he will go without texting you. That’s the best way to see if he is still interested
Jo
Patsy, I met him on a dating site. I don’t see him on there, but that means nothing. This is what I am worried about, though. I figure I wasn’t good enough to keep him interested and he found someone better. : (
Jo
Hi Amy. Thank you for the advice. I am hopeful that you’re right and he will continue to contact me. Unfortunately, I tend to think the worst when it comes to things like this.
redcurleysue
Good enough compared to what? Come on…please stop using those type of comparisons…either you two clicked or you did not – there are no winners or losers here – just compatibility.
Lagirl
Why only 3 dates in. 3 months? You can’t have a relationship if you don’t spend time together.
If a man isn’t asking you out, his interest isn’t high regardless of how much he phones or texts. My guess is that he is doing the fade.
Lagirl
It’s not about being good enough… That’s a really bad attitude to have. As patsy says above, dating is to determine compatibility. You are way too invested in a man you barely know or see.
Diva
Hey Jo!!! It kind of sounds like this man is starting to lose interest and that’s the problem dating guys online, they’re constantly meeting other women so there’s lots of options available to them… But YOU should still be dating others too!! And never say that you are not “good” enough! He’s not good enough to see how much of an AMAZING woman you are!! Never forget that :)
Jo
Thank you, Diva. In the grand scheme of things, I know I am an amazing woman. It still hurts to just be forgotten so easily after we seemed to have clicked so well, though. I am still dating around, but it gets emotionally draining when this happens.
I am finally going to be strong and not contact him. Not that it matters, because I am sure he is gone for good to that far away land that douchebags tend to go! ????
patsytshirt
Jo! you have to stop with that negative attitude about yourself, I used to think the same way, that I wasn’t good enough, since I was a kid I felt that way. Today is different, if a guy disappear or rejects me I always think he is fcking crazy to not want to be with me and it’s is his loss. Yeah it’s cocky as hell to think this way but it helps me, it’s a survival mode tool for me because I had very low selfsteem. If you are not confident enough fake it until you make it.
Online dating is a ghost land, lots of guys who vanish with no explanation, try to get used to it and stop with the scarcity mentality. This douchebag is gone but there are millions of hot amazing guys out there who would never dream to disappear on you. If you need help to not contact him, come here on the forum whenever you feel tempted to text him, ok?
Google a video called “If you don’t want me, I will not let myself want you” I promise you will like it :)Jo
Thanks Patsy. I watched the videos and they are empowering.
I will admit, though, that I am still feeling lost and confused by this. I still haven’t heard from him and am trying so hard to resist the urge to reach out to him.
patsytshirt
you’re welcome Jo! don’t feel discouraged, he might text you back after a few days but don’t wait on him, keep dating others and live your life. I know it hurts to not know what is going on but if you get in touch with him you won’t know his true interest for you.
google an article called “Disappearing Reappearing Man: What To Do?” it might help you
keep us updated if he comes back and how you’re doing. Be strongruby
I met this man on facebook, i met him on August 2015. He asked me to give email address so i did than he went out of facebook and we went well emailing each other until hetold me he sent me a parcel, and it was hold back in New delhi india because it was sent through my address, he asked me to pay. I paid half of it now half remaining. He said he loves me and iam confuse because he didnt force me to pay until now. He said now he is in my country and hes going to met me this weekend, he just want me now to pay for the
parcel. I said iam going to pay last week but i didnt because iam not sure hes telling me the truth.
That is where, he slows down to text. Last night i was sick and was asleep when he emailed and said he was sorry because of internet problem and ask if i was awake.Is he pretending to love me so, i can do the payment?
Hannah
Ruby why is he making you pay for a parcel he sent you? When did he send it and have you recieved it? I would be very suspicious about this if I was you. Have you ever met him?
Herein
Ohhhh my gosh ruby, please don’t do that!! That’s like the most common and easiest scam around the corner. You’d be surprised how many people are still falling for it and pay hundreds to thousands for it depending on the scenario they made up. Happened to my friend last week.. And actually happened to many people too. Please just don’t do it and drop this guy ASAP. He could be part of the Nigerian scammer network.
Herein
Trust me, I know these stuff. I’m in the virtual world since 2001. This thing kind of love scam is sooo common back then even until today. Rule number one, never pay for anything for a stranger you met online regardless of the reason.. even if you think it’s a small amount (there will be another reason for you to pay another amount), you think he’s genuine or you think he sincerely wants to give you a present. Just do a quick google search on online love scam or Nigerian scam…
Believe in your heart and be wise ladies <3
Marc
Next time just ask why the texting or dating has slowed down, people are reluctant to directly burn a bridge than to be honest. Try it. Be mature about it.
kelsie
yeah i agree with Marc. Honestly, if there is feeling that the guy is pulling away, i would just ask. this happens far too often and it won’t leave you wondering.
rather than go off on him, ask him maturely: (by the way, a guy i saw for about a month politely asked me why i have been distant, and this definitely made me respect him more, and his response to the whole situation).
he wrote soemthing along the lines of: hey, i’ve noticed you have been distant lately. if you’re not into this anymore, let me know so i can give up on it too. sorry! just the way i am.
and i responded w/ an honest response…and he said thanks for the good times, it’s been fun.there. no harm, no foul. for all the women who are scratching their heads and getting anxiety over a guy’s pulled back communication (i’d say yes, that 7/10 times, they ARE pulling away for whatever reason), but don’t try to play detective here and drive yourself crazy. i’m a believer of straight up ASKING. of course, don’t ask if you haven’t seen him in a week or so…but anymore than that, and he hasn’t initiated any plans to see you in more than 10-14 days …yes i think it warrants a nice, mature question like that. most of the time, this opens the door to letting you down easily rather than him having to intiiate a rather uncomfortable conversation.
kelsie
at the end of the day, it is what it is. you can’t make someone like you. and if they choose to pull away, that’s their prerogative and you know what, HOPE they can find someone that fits their bill. becuase this leaves room for you to find that one person, and clears the space of keeping someone around who was never committed in the first place.
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